Body Dysmorphic Disorder

does anyone else feel so disgusted with their body they want to carve it off with shearing scissors?

or so repulsive and hideous they can't even leave the house?

or so huge they never want to eat again?

or that their ugliness is cause of all their misery?

I say..if only I were beautiful, I would be happy.
and you know what, of course that's not true
but it would be easier

does anyone else have these issues?

 

I feel just like you. You are not alone hun

 

Yes... i feel this way a lot of the time unfortunately. :sad:

 

me me me ! it sucks :-(

 

yup, that's me!

I hate when I have those days where I feel like my body is so offensive looking, I'm unable to leave my home.

I'm probably lucky I don't have very much money, because I spend so much time researching different plastic surgeries that would make me look less hideous. There are so many things I want done. lol/sigh

People might say its in my head, but I am *convinced* that if I wasn't tall my life would be completely different. My tallness I believe caused my social anxiety which in turn caused my depression, self injury, and bulimia. If I was short my life would be perfect and complete.

 

Definately. I think BDD comes along with eating disorders though. I always tell myself I'll be happy when I'm thin. But it's never thin enough.

 

I used to have an eating disorder...I don't any more...

I think it's far more likely that you will have an eating disorder when you have BDD but they don't go hand in hand.

I have BDD and I don't have an eating disorder.

Thank you all so much for responding.

I found this website helpful: http://www.bddcentral.com/ ...kinda

have you girls/guys found any good ways to cope with this?

 

You don't have to answer this if its personal, but do you have certain aspects of your body that upset you more than others?

The reason I ask is because I have very particular things I don't like about myself - namely my height, and my broad shoulders (I'm a very tall, big boned, long armed/legged, broad, huge in all directions girl). My therapist has been working with me to accept that these things I hate about myself can be beautiful, or at least not hideous. I like to play tennis, so we look at pictures of the top female tennis players.. many of which are my height. But unlike models, who are also my height but have very tiny bone structures, a lot of these female tennis players also have broad shoulders and wide hips like myself. My therapist and I look at these pictures and talk about how strong and fit their bodies are, and how that is beautiful too.

I don't know if that works.. I guess it helps. But at the end of the day I'd still rather be 5'0'' and 90 pounds lol. My size makes me feel so intrusive on other people's space, and I'm always so noticeable whenever I walk into a room - it causes severe social anxiety. If I were tiny, people would notice me less and I would take up less space.

 

I hate everything about my body. I some times want to get a knife and start slicing my flab off. I'm disgusting.

 

Thank you for saying those things..I think that's a healthy practice..I bet it would work better if the media didn't bombard us with images emaciated models everyday, it's difficult to counterbalance..

Sometimes I fee like you sunny, I hate every single part of myself...
but most of the time I'm like you alison..
my skin..is the worst for me, that sounds weird, but if you saw it you'd understand. It's grotesque...I never look in mirrors if there are any types of bright light around.

how tall are you? (it doesn't really matter) I'm 5' 9'' I think...I have a friend who's 6' she sounds like you (body-type wise)...I also have broad hips and stuff...I've come to see that as beautiful..actually, my hips are the only things I don't mind about myself (usually), which is odd..
I just wish everything else was proportionate to that

my weight..just the enormity of me is what repulses me.
I wish I were small too. I always wished I looked ethereal and fragile...I'm the oppisate, physically...it's like my internal presence doesn't match my outward one.
so maybe I just have to work on being confident and loving and passionate..and powerful, in my mind first...
I say that, and it never happens..

are you an introvert? I am...perhaps that's why we want our bodies to be as invisible as our minds want us to be

 

Yes, yes and yes

 

Yes unfortunalty this is exactly how i feel about my body, i've lost weight several times to just put it on again but with never being any happier with myself. I've come to the conclusion that it's prob not the fat totally that makes me unhappy its my shape, face and the constant things i have to do to keep on top of it to conform to how society says women should look.

 

Another 5'9 input. I feel the same at times. Like i am this giant monster compared to everyone else. And i stand out when i want to do the opposite.

The stupid thing is that i love tall, powerful looking women with real bodies...and hips...such a massive turn on :wub:

So as to why i can't see it as a positive thing myself, part and parcel of my self loathing.

I don't mind my height so much, i probably come across as intimidating and so people leave me alone which is a good thing :laugh:

But my weight. I'd feel my life was a million times more bearable if i was thin. I despise my thighs most of all.

It's not something i have even tried addressing in therapy yet because it really is a massive source of discomfort and i'm not ready to talk about it.

 

umm...yes.
I think there are many many people out there who've felt the same way at some point in their lives.
I was told by everyone aside from my mother and father- since I was a small child; that I was hideous. I was teased and tormented constantly and ridiculed for looking the way I do, so I've had a really hard time finding things that I actually like about my body.
I've tried extreme weight-loss and exercise regimes but there isn't a whole lot I can do to change the way I look short of plastic surgery and I don't think even that would help me to love my body and the way I look.

It's also very hard- being in the entertainment industry- because there are specific standards and molds I'm supposed to fit into for certain roles or positions. If I do not fit the mold- I do not get the job.
For the past few years I've been sticking very strictly to voice-acting and things where I do not have to be seen in person on camera or by crew members just to spare myself the ridicule and the judgmental looks I might get from others.
I'll tell you... if you look at Hollywood stars; they all have defects. Having flaws are what make us human... but once a 'star' is shot up to making millions of dollars- suddenly their imperfections are seen as quirks and everything is fine. Any of the bigger stars I've spoken to or know in person have problems with self image, with confidence, with loving themselves and some even go so far as getting plastic surgery eventually because they have the money accessible and can't take the criticism anymore.

I want to like how I look.
I want to not care about my imperfections but they are all I see when I look at myself in the mirror.
I'm too short, too fat, too ugly. I hate how I look.
I always have and I fear I always will.

 

What helped me when I was debilitated from anorexia was covering my mirror because it was the site of every possible self harm imaginable. I had severe BDD.

I also went on a harsh campaign against everyone around me, using everything I knew was the truth for so long but fell to way side because of the relationships I'd been in.

 

so being assertive in your relationships? I should do that...
I wish I could cover my mirror, but I'm in a dorm =/


I think that...even if we could mold our bodies into the perfect flawless shape (For us) , we would still be miserable...because we are projecting all of our depression and misery onto our bodies...our bodies are our mind's whipping boys.

 

Maybe covering a mirror is extreme but I was extremely unwell back then-



Not only assertive, I cut off a lot of people who were damaging me and found my feet. I campaigned endlessly for better treatment and highlighted years of shit I went through with the MH system here and throughout I realised why I'd been treated so badly for years. I wrote masses, made collage and some powerful work. Everything had to do with strong territory/boundary making- physically, spiritually, socially, politically and expressing myself through externalisation rather than internalisation which is what BDD is about.

I was recently asked by a scout to be a model for haircuts or something? (while walking down cobblestones) which amused me in a way- I'd never go for it but the reactions I got from family members disgusted me- clearly showing their values.



I understand but in my case BDD had nothing to do with hating my body, it was to do with struggling with the anger/abuse from others I'd internalised + having thin to no boundaries while being in relationships that encouraged/perpetuated this which were with practically everyone and not entirely out of choice :tongue:

 

I'm 5'10'', which I know isn't that tall, but it feels it most days. I am very much an introvert. When I was young, I had selective mutism - I completely refused to speak in school. As I got older, I spoke when required, but I still always got miserable class participation grades. I'm diagnosed with social phobia and panic disorder now.

I think tall women can be beautiful, but I think they have to have the right personality to fit. But when I look at myself in the mirror or at pictures of me, I look like a monster - no joke. I'm so broad everywhere. Not only is it hard to find pants that are long enough - even sweaters don't have long enough arms for me. I've shopped for sweatshirts in the mens dept before just to find long enough sleeves. It's good for a man to be big and strong, but for a woman to have to go sweatshirt shopping in the mens dept? It's disgusting.

I hate my weight too, but I obsess over it less. It seems changeable to me (probably because I have been so many different weights). But my height? There's nothing I can do about it.

 

Seems like everyone in tha whole world lives with this if I'm guessing right, others are lying, faking!

1 ques.. does anyone have a mirror in hand..?

 

allow me to clarify and expound on BDD because there's a difference between insecurity about your looks and BDD:

BDD can cause anxiety and depression, it is closely correlated with social anxiety

when you percieve your body as having a huge flaw..when you look in the mirror and see your hips baloon to 5x what they really are(for an example)
it is an obsession.
it is hell.


If you have BDD it is evident that you are imagining /greatly exaggerating a flaw (usually one specific one: height..in your case ali, my skin in mine)

I used to hate my body when I was younger, but I did not have BDD

the defect exists in our mind: ali, as you said, you are not that tall, I'm sure you are beautiful the way you are. It sounds like you have true BDD to work through (do you have a therapist?)

just the horrible feeling of wanting to be thinner does not mean you have BDD, but they're not mutual exclusive

I know I have BDD because: a therapist discussed it with me...and a telling sign: you sometimes believe you are literally too hideous to go out of the house
..I actually feel guilty people have to look at my face
(...I know I have BDD, yet I still feel this is true)

BDD greatly impedes you social life and your mental health.
If you have it or think you do, seek help <3 don't try to deal with it on your own.

one study says that only 1-2 percent (that's kind of difficult to believe) of the population has true BDD <3, another found that sufferers from BDD have a suicide rate 45 times higher than the average person.

These are the symptoms according to mayoclinic:

-Preoccupation with your physical appearance
-Strong belief that you have an abnormality or defect in your appearance that makes you ugly
-Frequently examining yourself in the mirror or, conversely, avoiding mirrors altogether (!!)
-Believing that others take special notice of your appearance in a negative way
-Frequent cosmetic procedures with little satisfaction
-Excessive grooming, such as hair plucking
-Feeling extremely self-conscious
-Refusing to appear in pictures
-Skin picking
-Comparing your appearance with that of others
-Avoiding social situations
-Wearing excessive makeup or clothing to camouflage perceived flaws

I have every single one of those symptoms.

Seriously: seek help or it will get worse, I know. <3

and yes you're right plates: BDD has nothing to do with vanity, it is a manifestation of internalized hatred, enhanced by a wide variety of different factors. I think your methods of catharsis are wonderful, everyone should do that.