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Body problems

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by arthur1965, Sep 1, 2006.

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  1. arthur1965

    arthur1965 Guest

    Hi, I am new here--I tend to fantasize about suicide when I get really freaked out (I got suicidal in 1999, and I am 1.5 years into a bipolar II diagnosis and related medication). I am suffering an OCD'ish fixation about the fact that my hips and thighs are fat and my upper body is really scrawny.

    Based on past experience if I drag myself to the gym it will help a lot, but I have gotten too repulsed by my own body to go and work with it. It is a Catch-22. Does anyone have any advice about how to come to grips with slight deformity? I am so fixated that I am afraid of getting suicidal again, and I know that I need to accept my situation (while at the same time get to the gym) but I don't know how.

    My whole life I have been obsessed with the idea that "if only" I could go back a few years and change this or that, then I would be "ok". And each time I can see how the last time (but not this time) I was over-reactiing to something/freaking out unreasonably.

    But now it's happened again; I've always had severe body issues, but over the years I have via neglect (and, I'll 'fess up, I am strung out on medical marijuana) and unnecessary weight fluctuations created the body I feared I had--I can't tolerate the irony, but that means I'm obsessed with the fact that my obsessions led me to degrade my body and it is all a little self-referential---anyway, any input or kind words would be appreciated.

  2. Manically Depressed

    Manically Depressed Active Member

    Everybody is diffierent and special in their own way. Think of yourself as unqiue not deformed! This means youre original! Its a good thing! And dont let anybody tell you different!
  3. cthulhu

    cthulhu Well-Known Member

    well...i am sorry you dislike your own body, i can relate, i look like a triangle stuck on a tooth pick, that and i am 5'10"ish with a 27 inch inseam...
  4. painsource

    painsource Well-Known Member

    How were your obsessions before marijuana?Better,worse or the same?
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    The plight of having a distorted body image is such an illusive monster...look at one part and it is OK and look at another and you want to injury it...I have been there...my face reminded me of my father and my mannerisms reminded me of my mother, and I wanted to rid myself of both...I stopped eating and only drank water .....needless to say, when I was awoken by my t and some good friends, I finally agreed to see a pdoc, which was one of the best decisions I made lately...please know that there is treatment for body dysmorphia and choosing a professional who is expert in this area is very important...best of luck to you and please PM me if I can help...big hugs, Jackie
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