A
Hi, I am new here--I tend to fantasize about suicide when I get really freaked out (I got suicidal in 1999, and I am 1.5 years into a bipolar II diagnosis and related medication). I am suffering an OCD'ish fixation about the fact that my hips and thighs are fat and my upper body is really scrawny.
Based on past experience if I drag myself to the gym it will help a lot, but I have gotten too repulsed by my own body to go and work with it. It is a Catch-22. Does anyone have any advice about how to come to grips with slight deformity? I am so fixated that I am afraid of getting suicidal again, and I know that I need to accept my situation (while at the same time get to the gym) but I don't know how.
My whole life I have been obsessed with the idea that "if only" I could go back a few years and change this or that, then I would be "ok". And each time I can see how the last time (but not this time) I was over-reactiing to something/freaking out unreasonably.
But now it's happened again; I've always had severe body issues, but over the years I have via neglect (and, I'll 'fess up, I am strung out on medical marijuana) and unnecessary weight fluctuations created the body I feared I had--I can't tolerate the irony, but that means I'm obsessed with the fact that my obsessions led me to degrade my body and it is all a little self-referential---anyway, any input or kind words would be appreciated.
:blink:
Based on past experience if I drag myself to the gym it will help a lot, but I have gotten too repulsed by my own body to go and work with it. It is a Catch-22. Does anyone have any advice about how to come to grips with slight deformity? I am so fixated that I am afraid of getting suicidal again, and I know that I need to accept my situation (while at the same time get to the gym) but I don't know how.
My whole life I have been obsessed with the idea that "if only" I could go back a few years and change this or that, then I would be "ok". And each time I can see how the last time (but not this time) I was over-reactiing to something/freaking out unreasonably.
But now it's happened again; I've always had severe body issues, but over the years I have via neglect (and, I'll 'fess up, I am strung out on medical marijuana) and unnecessary weight fluctuations created the body I feared I had--I can't tolerate the irony, but that means I'm obsessed with the fact that my obsessions led me to degrade my body and it is all a little self-referential---anyway, any input or kind words would be appreciated.
:blink: