Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kairo, Apr 9, 2014.

  1. Kairo

    Kairo Well-Known Member

    I really can't stand being alone with myself anymore. I'm trying not to be so hateful towards myself or practice self-abusive behavior...but I find I'm doing it more again now. I don't want to be alone with myself…but I can't be around people either...
    And I'm having such bad dreams now about memories ...I really don't want them. I wake up almost screaming or crying. Some nights I feel like as soon as I shut my eyes they're there and I don't get a moments rest before I wake up again. I don't want to have to start fearing sleep.
    I think I'm really messed up...I don't know. I feel really messed up
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are not messed up at all - your health is an issue and that of course is affecting your metal well being. It is a visious circle I understand too well where physical health plays a big part in depression and feelings or worthlessness and then in turn a multitude of studies have shown that the depression can negatively effect your physical health. None of that means you are messed up in the head, abnormal, weak , or any other "bad" thing.

    I am sincerely sorry you are having to face all of this very much alone - I hope that here and your time in chat helps you realize that many here do hear you and do care about you. :hug:

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Sour, so sorry to hear of your struggles. Cancer is 'b-----', and the treatment is often even worse. Have you talked to your doctor? Maybe he can give you something to help with your sleep issues. A good nights sleep would probably go a long way towards making you feel better.

    Why don't you want to be around people? Getting out a bit could help take your mind off things.

  4. Kairo

    Kairo Well-Known Member

    I don't have anyone to go out to see...I'm just so bad around people now, I've wanted to ask about sleeping pills or something for a while , but I can never get up the nerve to really talk to my doctor. I can't get up the nerve to say anything I'de like to say.
    And I think I am messed up...being sick has definitely been a catalyst but I was depressed before this, and have acted less than sane on a number of occasions. If I were braver I'de ask for help ...but I really can't, after everything I still can't. I think the only way I will ever get help if I attempt and fail, and am forced into treatment. But I don't want to be forced
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    You can always leave a message with the doctors office that you want a sleeping pill prescribed.

    Its hard on ones nerves when it comes to doctors or even thearpists.

    Hang in there.