Borderline Personality Disorder wins every time.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TooShyToScream, Mar 27, 2011.

  1. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    I was an animal lover my entire life. Hell, I went vegan for a while until my ex and family got on my ass about it and caused me to stop. And now, Borderline Personality Disorder has complete control of who I am. I went from animal lover to literally DESPISING the family pet for the mere fact that it demands attention from my fiancee. It makes me feel like I'm uncared about every time he pays attention to this damn dog. I constantly find myself wishing it would die or run away. Every time he plays with it, or shows it any kind of love and attention it absolutely fucking slays me on the inside. I know it's not the dog's fault. It doesn't understand that I feel bad. It doesn't do it on purpose. Regardless, most of my anger is directed at this dog. Part of me feels like what the hell...how can I hate a dog? What kind of asshole have I become? But the other part doesn't give a fuck what it is. It's taking away his attention from me. Making me feel less important. Less loved. Why should I care about it in any way, shape, or form when it makes me totally miserable? And that's just the dog...it works the same way with people and even inanimate objects for fuck's sake. If he's paying too much attention to his phone or something, it matters more than I do. Fuckin' BPD...You can't possibly understand the emotional damage this disorder causes unless you have it.
     
  2. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Hi Tanya

    I too have BPD and totally understand how this would cause to make you upset. Have you tried talking to your fiance about this? It won't resolve the situation but just so he knows what is going on for you, so he can reassure you and have some understanding?

    I agree.. BPD makes my life hell.. I get jealous so easily over the most ridiculous things. And I know it is ridiculous but I can't seem to help myself. I'm sorry you have to go through this too.

    Here if you need to talk. Take care :arms:
     
  3. TooShyToScream

    TooShyToScream Well-Known Member

    I'm glad someone understands at least. I feel so ridiculous that I'm having these feelings and I had to vent, but either way it doesn't stop them from happening. Thank you for the response.