So after many long assessments and going back and forth between various therapists. I finally got to see a Psychologist. Don't get me wrong, this guy was fucking fantastic, the session lasted for nearly 2 hours and at the end he told me that I don't have depression and anxiety and that he thinks it's Borderline Personality Disorder. Now this has cleared A LOT up for me, such as how I can be completely and utterly irrationally angry or irritated with people and how I stay as far away from relationships as I can psychically manage. I'm glad I finally I have a name for what this is because it means I can get the right kind of help now (No more meds for woo). But I am not dealing with this. Earlier I felt, relief, but now I fucking hate it. My family keep looking at me as if I'm going to flip my shit at them, bearing in mind I wanted to do that for a while but I absolutely refuse to, it's pissing me off big time. I'm really, really not handling this very well. I want to cry. I promise you guys I'm not going to flip my shit if you ask me to put your washing in with mine or if you ask me to do the dishwasher. I promise. This is breaking me apart and I don't want to deal with it. I think for the first time I actually am conscious of the fact that I want to hurt myself because I feel disgusted with myself because of this. I don't want to deal with this. At all.