borderline

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by oval, Oct 27, 2010.

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  1. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    so my current situation as not as seriouse as otheres on this site and i really dont wanna take the attention they need.

    well ive had depression for 6 years now. i dont know whats causing it. it sneaks up on me when im alone, with my family or whats left of it anyway or friends. in all situations. i used to be only really depressed in the winter time as a lota people but since 2 years its even worst in the summer and i feel completely numb. i just cant feel anything. not just emotionally, i can run my nucles over rocks withought feeling pain. i used to cut myself which i have stopped now bc it isolated me from other people bc i was too scared of them to see my arms. and everytime some one did i almost passed out. i became one miserable piece of shit. i tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge but i was stopped by construction workers that came by. only talking about it makes me shake. i have talked to a couple psychiatrists and called the suicid hotline about it before when it was getting too bad and i was told i definatelly needed therapy. but i cant go to therapy bc id have to go to an army base for it which is 2hrs away one way and i couldnt go there bc itd interfere with my work. i dont have the money to see a regular one. i just really have no one to talk to about it. i dont feel understood by anyone i have talked to so far. my boyfriend really tries to understand and saw a psychiatrist himself to understand how i feel. but still, talking to him doesnt make me feel understood its more like he was looking at me from above trying to fit my feelings in the pattern of borderline so he can say yeah thats typical. i still appreciate his thought of helping though. i just wanna know if there are any people suffering from borderline on here? bc its really not wearing off at all. its like i was turning into a different person everytime, making me belive i have no one on earth.
    thanks everyone for reading
     
  2. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    You do have someone - your boyfriend.

    What you may not have are interests, hobbies.
    It is hard to motivate yourself when you are depressed.
    But you need to do something new, something a bit different.
    Learn something new. Learning can be a lot of fun and make you feel good.
    What does your boyfriend enjoy doing? Does have have interests and hobbies?
     
  3. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    thank you for your reply first off :)
    well i do have some hobbies i play guitar and some drums, write songs and i paint. which doesnt nessesarily get me outa the house ^^ but im a social person so its not like i was avoinding public situations. but i feel the same way when im around people. it can go from a really funny enjoying moment to complete numbness.
    well my boyfriend is currently deployed to afghanistan which doesnt make the situation any easier. bc of his deployement i try to bother him as little as possible with my problems even though we talk every day. but i know he has lotsa stress.
    we have nothing in common though. he is into politics, skating and sports in general (im not, i tried though) and of course video games. all of those i cant get exited for. im not really interessted in anything else so i cant really think of anything new to try. im starting to think it might be one of thode cases where you just dont get enough impulses in your brain so you dont feel enjoyment i have no idea. bc it can go very quick from a great moment to suicidal thoughts
     
  4. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    ive thought about it back and i noticed that i come across situations when i start making myself believe he was cheating on me or was using me just to hurt myself. bc i feel like i need to feel some kind of rush or something. just anything. and then again when that moment is over i hate myself for thinking that
     
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