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Bored with life

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This christmas holiday has been the most depressing holiday I've had in recent memory for a number of reasons.

I am 27 and my folks live about 3 hours away from me. Anyway, I have always been one to go back to their place and my hometown and visit quite regularly. But it seems that each time I go back, I have less and less to go back for. My social network of friends is not what it used to be when I lived there (because people move away and fall out of touch of course).

I told my mom originally that I would probably stay at their place until new years b/c I had 1 week of vacation time left from my job for '06. But I decided to drive back to my place today in the suburbs (and I hate where I live). Anyway I got so damned depressed this holiday season that today before I left I told my mom that I don't think I'll be coming back to see them very much anymore, that there just isn't much anything for me to come back for anymore. My mom worries alot so I will call her and clarify that yes I will still come back to visit them, but I just don't see myself coming back quite as often anymore. I feel this place is holding me back in my past.

I feel that I am viewed as a loser by many family and friends and I don't want to show my face again until I am confident with the direction my life has taken.


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Who cares what your family and friends think? You're your own person. As Chuck Palaniuk said, "No matter how much you love someone, you'll back up when their pool of blood gets too close.". You don't give much information here, and I don't want to seem corny saying, "Choose a goal, and stick with it.". Tell me a little more about your situation.
Well there's a number of things that made my holiday suck.

But namely a girl I was after that is also very close knit w/ my extended family. I tried to ask her out but made a fool of myself doing it, and things tanked from there. She was present at my cousin's holiday party on the 23rd, this was after I tried hitting on her a week earlier @ a wedding. So that was weighing heavy on my mind.

And also both my grandfathers passed away earlier this year, and we usually went to each of their places for christmas. My brother did not come to our family christmas this year either, as he got married earlier this year. So I am the only "outcast" who is not married out of my siblings now. So I just felt very alone this year.

I also got in a fight w/ a friend of mine a month ago and haven't talked to him since.

So instead of enjoying time w/ my family and friends I was dwelling on bad things.

I just feel like I treat my folks poorly. I felt bad when I left today as I got in my car I casually mentioned to my mom that I did not think I would be back for awhile. It's not her nor my dad's fault. But I just grow so restless when I'm back there. There are just too many things I want to change in my life right now before I feel I am ready enjoy spending time w/ them again. There are things I feel I have to straighten out with myself. I feel like a failure in so many aspects in life, and that I am an embarassment to many of my family and friends.
I'm sorry to hear about the girl and your grandfathers. The first Christmas after the death of a close relative really does suck. Don't worry about the girl, if she's worth it, she'll come around! Plus, there are a lot more fish in the sea!

Have you tried explaining to your parents that you want to get your life on track before coming back? Maybe you should try talking with them about it, they might have some advise...
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