boring story...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by am I alive, Oct 13, 2006.

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  1. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    Yeah, definitely I am not able to live this life....I’m used to live on my own, and there is no way out of it. Well…I’m not ugly, not evacuated by others, actually girls likes me, people want make friendship with me…but me, I feel like I have to be alone for rest of my life, and something tells me “you don’t need them”, why? why?, it doesn’t make me happy,no,no definitely not. I guess reason for that are years of emptiness behind me, well I never tried to made real friends, never wanted anybody near to me, never want have fun like others…I don’t know why…well I guess part of it takes social anxiety, shyness, low self esteem etc. Now I am 25, I think I have changed, I’m not shy so much as I used to be, I can talk to people, many of them find it interesting, still I have few friends. Well, despite of it I can’t make my life better then he was early. Still I don’t want anybody near to me, don’t want have fun…As I said I have few friends, I don’t seeing them very often...why? because I don’t want it, for example…yesterday they invited me to birthday party…guess what…yeah I refuse to show myself, he-he, smart choice.
    Why is that? Well what should I doing there, everybody have girlfriends or boyfriends, everybody have colorful story behind…, me? I have just emptiness and sorrow inside of me, well I guess I can say something interesting, make some fake smile etc., but is this real me? I belong there…well I decided it is better to stay this way…is it?
    Yeah…I know if I keep going this way I will never make my life the way I can share some story with others, and there will always be just emptiness…Yeah, that’s just fucking magic circle I can’t escape. It seems the only way is to kill myself.

    I know this post is useless, I’m expecting 0 replays as usually,… but I guess I feel myself better if I put it out.

    Anyway, thanks for reading and sorry for my English.
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Your English is just fine and I hope you don't mind me replying. :smile:
    I'm 19 years old and I also am very different and inferior to everyone else. I haven't had friends for a long time, don't socialize, don't go to parties, etc. I also feel very empty, alone, miserable, my life is so empty and lacking. But I've been raised to be this way since I can remember and I don't know if I can change, or if I should.
    I am a second year college student and all I do is go to class, eat, sleep, study and play videogames, get on the computer, etc. Its all really a boring and pathetic life isn't it?
    But I've gotten used to it and I actually sorta like it and wish I could do it forever. I do wish I could die right now and start my life from scratch, I've already given up.
    Maybe I can change but I dunno, arrghh.
    I mean, I've been used to being alone but yet get very depressed when I am the only one with no friends or things like that.
    Sorry that it didn't help.
    I always feel like I'm the only one in my situation and it feels a bit better to realize I don't suffer alone, but I still keep feeling that way.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2006
  3. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    Sure i don't mind, thanks,... i just feel like nobody cares...

    I'm still student as well, also have boring life-eating,sleaping,studying, stearing at computer etc. I still live with parents and depending on him, that is killing me. I know the only way out is to graduate, find job etc., but it is not so easy, my depresion just don't let me do anything...i'm traped inside of myself...can't see way out...just feel useless in any way of my life...

    I hope when are my age you'll not feel the same way i can make friends no matter how different you are, you are not inferior because of that, there are no two same person in this world, everyone is diferent in his own way...
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I don't think I will have a problem graduating and getting a job. Its just that I don't think I will ever make friends, ever get a girlfriend, etc. Because all I have done my entire life is be inside the house with videogames, computer, tv, inside my own safe little world.
    I am not worthy of living when I am so different and so inferior and so messed up and everyone else is so normal, perfect, happy, I hate that so much, I hate myself. Sigh, I am getting more depressed lately, I don't know what to do, I'm very scared.
  5. It's time to really start accepting yourself. I'm a bigger loser than you are, but I don't create any suffering over that. I already mostly accepted this aspect of myself a while ago so it doesn't bother me anymore. It really is possible to fully accept this.
  6. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    I know that is true...the only reason i can't make my life better is because i can't accep myself the way i am, just can't live with that... I wish i can't think about how miserable i am.
  7. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    It takes time, life experiences and maturity to accept yourself the way you are. Some folks are 55 are never looked inward. Only outwards.
    You may not be able to accept it because you know it is wrong in your gut.
    You may think you are not normal, or happy...yet, I hear that even a college president or world famous celebrity or happy neighbor worry about the money in the bank, the puppy peeing on the carpet, dates on holidays and zits on their face. haha.:eek:hmy:
    I have a situation that I don't want to accept. it is truth, it happened. Yet, it causes me extremely great pain and hurt. :sad:
    Maybe that is true, you want to change, just to improve yet are scared of doing so. What will that mean to you? :unsure: Think, can I? Do I want to?
    Sorry to ramble too much.
  8. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member takes time to accept yourself the way you are...but i'm afraid it will be to late when that happen...i'm 25 now...its already too late to do some now, i think we have to work on the future,to built it, i mean, how can i have better future when i don't have past, you have deserve it, i didnt do anything to deserve better,and i still don't.

    You don't ramble, thanks TLA
  9. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    There is NO rule that you must have a past in order to have a future. You don't deserve a drop in the cup. You deserve a full cup. :tongue:
    I hope you can get that. I hate to spill my cup!

    Also, 25 is NOT TOO LATE to do anything. Except kiddie rides maybe.
    Don't give it up yet. tooooo young. I would love to be 25 again.
    You are supposed to have more fun in your young years!!
    There are many things left that I so want to do, some take money or means, some take desire and knowledge.

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