Hello everyone. I was sexually abused as a child, several times over the course of 2 years. Mostly by a female cousin 3 years older than me. Turns out I'm REALLY messed up when it comes to relationships and sex and stuff like that. I have always been terrified to talk to girls, and it always comes back to being confused about boundaries and appropriateness. I'm scared that any kind of attention I give a women would be inappropriate. In situations where I'm pretty sure it actually would be appropriate, I'm afraid of .. I don't know exactly what. I can overcome this on the computer, but not in "real life." As a result, I've become addicted to stuff like Internet porn and chat rooms and that kinda thing. Stuff where I can get sexual "stuff" without all that painfully terrifying "real-life" social stuff. So I'm trying to learn about boundaries and appropriateness now, and I'm having a really difficult time. I've been going to a divorce support group. I'm finding that I'm really enjoying having females in the group, both to listen to me and to listen to them. Being able to share honest emotional stuff (and being shared with) has felt like a very warm, validating thing. Almost "intimate," even. Question #1: Is this fucked up? Why or why not? What would be healthy (or not)? The group has a strict No Dating policy, in order to make it a "safe place." Also, last week we split up into sub-groups by gender, and the faciliator of my group said the women like to do that once in a while as a "safe place." Question #2: So what I don't get is .. safe exactly from what? It's REALLY easy for me to think, "Well, safe from me, of course." And to start thinking that anything resembling sexual desire in me is not just sick or wrong, but threatening and even dangerous. I am attracted to at least one group member, but I don't wanna hurt anybody. My conclusion: I hate myself and I wish I was dead.