Boyfriend gets high everyday

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by fransigne, Sep 15, 2013.

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  1. fransigne

    fransigne Active Member

    We have been together for over 2 years now and moved in together this past June. Ive told him it bothers me that he chooses to be high everyday and that I want some time with him while he is sober. He said he would cut back but it has been many months since he said that and nothing has changed. When I came home tonight I could already tell he was high and I said I was disappointed. He said he was sorry and that he didnt know it was still bothering me. I said of course, why did you think I changed my mind? I said its fine if you want to live this way but dont be surprised if I have to move on in the future because of it. I do love him and care about him and dont want to abandon him but it is really frustrating. I dont know what to do because it seems talking about it and asking him to change does nothing.
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Sounds to me like he may well be addicted. There are people who choose to live with addicts, and those who choose not to. If in fact he really is addicted, it sounds like he is not in any rush to deal with the addiction. And yes, it is likely that no amount of asking on your part will change his using. Often they have to hit bottom before they choose to make that huge change.

    There are programs that people can go to if they are living with a addict. I know of Nar-Anon. There can be some good support there to get on with your life, or to stay with him. Whateever you choose. If you would like to check it out, I am sure there is an online community. Although, it is a 12 step program. I used to go to al-anon. The program is designed to help people to become stronger weather or not they end up staying with the person who is addicted to drugs.

    Also, you might want to google something like : support forums for people who live with drug addicts ( if you think there is a possibility he is addicted). I hope something I wrote can help in some way. Glad you are posting about it. I would write about it in lots of places here. So maybe you can find a lot of good info and feedback. Have you posted in the "substance abuse" area of sf? If not, that might be a great place to also post.
  3. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    People can be addicted to weed(im assuming this is the substance?). It is more of a psychological than physical addiction compared to something like tobacco but there are people who definitely can be addicted. And as far as im concerned the psychological part of it is the hardest part to quit. Once you smoke daily for a while the dopamine from weed replaces your natural dopamine production so when you stop you dont feel right for a while. I smoked for 5 years and it took me literally months to quit weed. A lot of people either smoke everyday or not at all, for some people moderation(like once a week) is not possible he could possibly be one of them. I tried cutting back when i was in my hay day it was not possible. All you have to do is look on quitting weed sites to see this is true for some.

    He may have a problem and most likely there is nothing you can do because people have to want to quit for themselves. I think it is good that you warned him that you may have to move on one day if this continues, hopefully he will realize what hes got now choose what is more important to him. I would continue to let him know how you feel without getting into a big lecture but definitely let him know you cant be with someone who is high all the time. There may come a time where you have to do what is best for yourself but hopefully he will realize what he has and stop. I would not make an ultimatim though because if he quits solely to stay with you he will likely hold resent for this. Basically it is all up to him otherwise you gotta look out for yourself. Good luck
  4. fransigne

    fransigne Active Member

    Flowers and Ravens, both of you really were so quick and effective with your ideas on how to cope with this. I will look into that type of support and also tell him about the dopamine level factor.
  5. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    Wish you well Fransigne, it really is a tough situation you are in right now. Personally I think you handled the situation as best as one could by letting him know you care, told him you were disappointed without getting into a big lecture and saying its 'fine'(because it is his choice after all) but that you would move on if it comes to that. Hopefully he can realize why he feels the need to be high everyday as their is always and underlying issue to which why people turn to drugs and must be dealt with to quit successfully if thats his goal.

    There is a forum uncommonforum if you google that has lots of readings/posters of addiction if interested too.
  6. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    just be careful of yourself

    know a woman who married a man who was a known alcoholic - kept promising he would stop, that he would change

    in the end, he didn't and she left him because it became unsafe to stay with him

    hope you don't find yourself in the same situation
  7. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    my ex used to get high and he knew i hated it, he would totally change always quiet not himself, he needed for his pain, i hated the change in him sorry you have to go through this
  8. Risenangel

    Risenangel New Member

    I am so sorry you have to cope with an addicted person, who you love. That is very hard. I have found some help at Al-a-Non. I had an addicted husband. Many people go there because their spouse or parent or child is an alcoholic, but many others are there because of someone else's drug addiction.

    The slogan helpful to many people. The one that helps me is the three C's

    I did not Cause this problem

    I can not Cure it

    I forgot the last one!

    Brb I will try to find it!
  9. Risenangel

    Risenangel New Member

    Know I remember! I can't Control it!


    We can't do any of those things for an addict
  10. themute

    themute Active Member

    If he's not ready or willing to quit then I don't think there is much you can do to stop him. If I were you I would try to talk to him about why he wants to be high all of the time. I smoke weed sometimes and I've found it to be a good anti depressant, so he could be self medicating. And to be honest, if he is self medicating and it works for him then weed is probably the best thing to use. Weed effects everyone differently though. I know people who smoke a lot every day and it works well with them, but then I've also encountered other people who become paranoid from it, and it's just not for them. Some people are like Willie Nelson and some aren't! If you notice obvious negative implications like paranoia or mood swings from him getting high then I think it's cause to address the issue. But if he just likes to smoke weed it might just be a part of who he is and how he copes with life, and it's up to you if you can accept being around a person like that. I really hope everything works out :)
  11. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    I think weed used occasionally can be helpful for depression, but not sure sure about everyday use. In my experience and reading from others on drug addiction forums, it may work for a while but in the long run actually make depression worse. Who knows though maybe for some people it is what they need daily to take the edge off.
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