Boyfriend thinks I'm being a victim

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Bambi81, Oct 4, 2016.

  1. Bambi81

    Bambi81 New Member

    Hi. My first time on here although not the first time I've had suicidal thoughts or attempts.
    My second botched attempt was Saturday just gone after another row with my boyfriend. I was too drunk to really process what I was doing, and because of how much I drank I threw up the <mod edit - methods>

    I somehow managed to message a friend asking them to pass on messages to my family. Said friend called the police. They came and took me away as they were concerned for my safety due to the argument. Since then I've been staying with my parents. my boyfriend has been telling me stop being a victim. To give him a reason why he should forgive me (I have to point out we had a scuffle and I ended up hitting him. Let's just say it's funny how I'm the one with the bruises). So, I can't help but feel like he does t give a rats bottom about what happened Saturday. He just thinks I should shrug it off and move on. I've tried to explain to him it's not that easy. I feel quite broken, empty and quite frankly the more he says this stuff the more I think I should just get it out of the way.
    I don't know if I'm going mad, or if I indeed should apologise to him? I'm not sure what to do or where to turn as he doesnt like me talking about our arguments with anyone. I've even told him I'm on suicide watch, which feels embarrassing, humiliating and devestating all at the same time. And his reply was 'stop being the victim'
    What do you guys think? Am I going crazy or should I actually apologise? Am I in the wrong here?
    Feeling delicate and fragile xx
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 4, 2016
  2. KayKayBug

    KayKayBug Member

    The only one in the wrong here is your boyfriend. I advise leaving him, if he hits you (even if its only when you two fight) and if he isnt supportive of your emotional health then he isn't good for you. You should never feel like you are wrong for feeling a certain way and he shouldnt make you feel like you are. Youre friend did the right thing in getting the police, if anyone cares it seems to be that friend. Your boyfriend doesnt care from the way you put things and you need to terminate that unhealthy relationship. It wont be easy but is what is best for you.

    If you ever need anyone to talk to Im here for you.

    KayKayBug
     
    Piexes likes this.
  3. Bambi81

    Bambi81 New Member

    Thank you so much KayKayBug. I jut burst in to tears to hear that. I feel like I am going crazy. xx
     
  4. KayKayBug

    KayKayBug Member

    You arent crazy hun, I know it may feel like that but you arent. Its hard to face your emotions when those you seek support from dont help at all. Your relationship with your boyfriend is toxic and you need to break up with him. That's probably not what you want to hear, but as far as i can tell its the best option. That's coming from experience. Im always available to talk and if you want to pm me you are welcome to at any time.
     
  5. Bambi81

    Bambi81 New Member

    Thank you so much. It all feels a bit overwhelming at the minute. Like I'm in free fall. Can't sleep, don't feel hungry, put the milk in the oven and the bread in the dishwasher...that sort of detached numb feeling. Then it all comes swooping in on me full force like a tidal wave on a cliff and it's like the only way I can stop it is to end everything. Just to turn the lights out for good. I don't know if any of that makes any sense but I guess I'm trying to say in a very long way that i bottle everything up, unable to say anything to my bf and then it all just becomes too much. Like I'm drowning or suffocating. So I guess I will stay with my parents for a bit longer and just try to get a hold on the overwhelming feelings when they show up. Until then I don't think I've got the strength to confront my bf. He just has a knack of being able to grind me down again and I end up feeling like a pie of sh*t.
    Sorry for the essay, I don't know where all that came from! X
     
  6. KayKayBug

    KayKayBug Member

    Youre okay sweetie, i dont mind you expressing your feelings and opinions. As someone who has dealt with depression since I was 9 years old I know how overwhelming the urge can be. I dont normally condone break ups over the phone, but that might be the best option and have a friend or your family there to support you. Do you live with your boyfriend normally, btw? When you break up with him if you still have part of the lease/bills talk to the owner about your situation and if necessary pay off your part but continue living with your parents until you can get a place of your own or move in with a friend.

    Big hugs are being sent to you.
     
    Piexes likes this.
  7. Bambi81

    Bambi81 New Member

    I'm so sorry to hear about your depression Hun. I don't know much about depression but I've heard it's when you don't really know why you feel the way you do...an illness which must be so hard to battle. How are you coping?
    I guess my urges to finish everything is more circumstances and spiralling issues. Do you have a good support network?

    Yes I've lived with my bf for 5 years. Looking back it didn't exactly start very healthy. I had just come out of an abusive marriage when my self esteem was rock bottom. And I guess I just allowed it to happen all over again. Finances are an issue but I guess it's still early days and at least I'm removed from that environment now.

    Big hugs back at you x