Boyfriend with a split personality disorder.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by lacrithium, Aug 22, 2010.

  1. lacrithium

    lacrithium New Member

    My boyfriend has a split personality disorder. He just found out about it recently even though he said he probably had it since young. We've been dating for almost a year, and things were going well for the first 5 months. It has been really rocky for us cos he has a disorder and I suffer from depression. So both of us are taking major exams this year, and we're really stressed out. We haven't seen each other in about 2 and a half months cos of our exams and also cos we live very far away from each other. We text each other everyday. We don't even talk on the phone, that's how hectic it is.

    So recently, he has been having terrible mood swings and each time, he would hurt me unintentionally with his insensitivity. He is actually a very sensitive guy, so I found it strange. He took a liking to metal music and started dressing differently. That's when I realized something was wrong. He figured it out too, but he doesn't want to do anything to help himself.

    It's very hard being with him when he has extreme mood swings. I really feel quite upset and this doesn't help my depression. I love him and I don't want to break up with him, especially when he needs me the most now. But I'm tired of crying and having suicidal thoughts everytime he says that we should take a break. What if the break goes on forever? I get paranoid and anxious, I can't concentrate on things and I check my phone frequently for messages.

    I don't know what I should do to salvage our relationship.*

    Thanks for Reading this, I appreciate it.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    What a tough situation for you both.

    Are you saying he has DID (dissociative identity disorder)? Is that a formal diagnosis, or one you and he think he has?

    Is there a particular reason why he doesn't want to talk to anyone about this?

    Saving a relationship has to come from both sides. You can't do it alone. I think you need to sit down and talk to him when he is the him that you know, and you both need to be super honest about how you both feel, and why, and see if you can both, together, work out a way forward from there.
  3. lacrithium

    lacrithium New Member

    Hi, thanks for replying, I'm really glad that you did.

    No, he doesn't want to see a doctor or psychiatrist but we both think that he has DID. I'm the only one who knows that he has it cos he's afraid other people might judge him for it. You know how others always belittle our problems? Saying that our depression isn't the 'real depression' and that we'll get over it? I believe that's what he's thinking, which is why he doesn't want to talk to people about it.

    I want to talk things out with him, but we don't have time (we take our studies seriously) and whenever I bring it up, he gets mad. But this DID of his is really getting out of hand... His family doesn't even know. I don't know how to help him..
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Are you in the UK?

    Could you maybe write him a letter with all you need to say, and then maybe ask him to write back to you when he has time? That might stop his anger because anger is a cover emotion and so it covers whatever else he is feeling (which is probably fear), and you may find that if he reads the letter over and over what he truly feels comes out.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You sound like you're going through a lot. I go through similar issues to your BF.

    Anger can be a healthy legitimate feeling, and especially with people who have DID, it can be healing. It's not surprising to me that he gets mad when you want to talk- because he's probably wanting his own space to deal with his issues and he's stressed! The chaos and conflict he's going through now is something that might need to be processed (there isn't anything wrong with dressing up and liking heavy metal- it's his expression for his feelings), and he's telling you what he needs, which is space and time to do that, because he can see how he might hurt you.

    That doesn't take away how you feel which is hurt, and depressed when he says about taking a break. But seeing as you don't see each other often, would taking a break be that different?

    Sometimes time apart can help a relationship get stronger.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2010