boys on my brain.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Shoshana, Aug 5, 2011.

  1. Shoshana

    Shoshana Member

    i know there isn't one single thing that will cure my depression on it's own, and i
    m a little young and naive about this, but i think about sex all the time, and i feel like if i could just have some, with another person, then suddenly my life would start looking better. i've never even kissed a person in a romantic way. i want that connection and i don't even know where to start.

    i feel weary of feeling hateful towards my body. i want to be held and touched and loved. like hardcore. right now.

    and i want to make some one else feel good. more then anything i think i want that, to look over and see a person happy and know that it was me who made them smile. even just once.

    it's absurd the things i would do at this point.

    oh well.
  2. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Do you mind if I ask how old you are?
  3. Shoshana

    Shoshana Member

    twenty three
  4. Lost?

    Lost? Well-Known Member

    I thought that would help me too. I didn't end up having sex with anyone, but a friend of mine and myself did end up having a few sleepovers and intense makeout sessions. I have feelings for him and he told me he liked me too. I thought that this might make me happy, but in the end it didn't help at all, because I just sat around thinking about how worthless I am and convincing myself that he didn't actually like me in that way because no one could like me in that way. It didn't help that I turned out to be right, either.

    He's the only one I have right now who can look out for me and who is available to listen to my problems. He's slept over a few more times, just to make sure that I'm ok and I don't do anything stupid. And I've actually found that I would rather have him just hold me and be there with me than have him makeout with me or anything else. I think this is because I find being held so absolutely comforting and soothing, and I've realize that right now I don't need a boyfriend or friend with benefits or any kind of sexual relationship with anyone, I just need someone who will hold me and take care of me.
  5. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I have been in exactly the same situation (although I a boy wanting girls).

    It can take over your life. Infact it influenced major decisions in my life, this need to experience what everyone else had, this need to be loved. It was a big part of my depression for years.

    Eventually I got it and at first it was good but then I felt very little. I don't have it anymore and I do really want it back but nowhere near as much, it isn't as important as it was.

    I remember posting just like you about needing to hold someone as well. I remember people replying about how it isn't that big a deal, just like I have kind of said. I didn't listen to them because I couldn't understand. I'd love to say I have the answer for you, but I don't. I know that telling you it isn't that big a deal will mean nothing to you like it did to me.

    The pain you feel can only be cured 2 ways and neither are easy. 1 is to actually achieve it, get what you need. So that would involve trying to meet people, trying to get into an environment where it might happen. 2 is to address the underlying reasons for why you feel this way, it's about more than just being loved and to love, it feels as strong as it does for other reasons, that could be general lonliness, low self esteem etc etc.

    I personally went for option 1 and it took 18 months and a hell of a lot of work! I gave up countless times a long the way, I was still very depressed on and off, the need to be loved became stronger, it all became harder, I ended up negatively questioning more about myself. To this day I never actually been able to hold down a relationship, I have never been able to commit and I think that is becauser those underlying reasons for why I need to love and be loved haven't been addressed.

    Good luck on your quest.
  6. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    No need to rush yourself. I'm waiting until I find the right person and I'm sure I'll be glad I did.
  7. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    this is the biggest part of my depression, a 17 year old guy who hasnt even been kissed by a girl in a romantic way is very bad for ones manhood...
  8. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    You're in for a rough time when you get older if not being kissed is the biggest part of your depression.
  9. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    it's not just that, It's constantly being shut down by every girl i talk to, my parents offering no support, and the pressure of school just adds to it. There's just always a feeling of hopelessness and that i'll end up dying alone and angry at the world.

    That's just how it is for me, if you don't approve of my reasons for depression, then i recommend you shut your mouth, because they havent and probably never will change.
  10. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    Well considering the human mouth is a vile, bacteria ridden hole maybe its a good thing? Also the human bite can be lethal, from a bacterial point of view.
  11. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    heh, as true as that may be, a kiss is a sign of affection, and I've never had much affection from somebody other than family members, which I consider a little depressing.
  12. the_unknown

    the_unknown Banned Member

    Damn! What a coincidence and we are even at the same age. Is this a universal problem?

    As for the TS i think it is probably love that you (and most of us) seek and not just sex... F*** CUPID!!!
  13. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    I've only been kissed once, and I feel it is overatted. It was awkward and I wasnt sure how I was supposed to react. Media spread propaganda I say, mouths are for eating with!
  14. gamergirl

    gamergirl Well-Known Member

    nah sex isnt as great as you think. you get so attached. it fucks you up emotionally. when you give your all to someone and they just...walk out on you...
  15. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    I have no interest in reasons why other people are or are not depressed. I'm simply stating that life gets harder when you get older. This means you're in for it rough unless you change.
  16. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Being attached then being walked out on certainly sucks. Lot's and lot's of younger people think of sex as nothing. It's just a part of the dating process or enjoying yourself. I want a meaningful relationship not just sex but I guess getting action is better then nothing at all. Some women will even use men for sex then drop them like a sack of potato's.
  17. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    I know that, life sucks now, It's even worse later. Gotta just fucking love it :/
  18. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    It's not even kissing, It's that no girl has ever felt the same way about me as i do/did about them.
  19. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Rejection is inevitable even guys many would consider a player probably strike out 8 out of 10 times maybe 2 out of 3 at best. I understand it can hurt your self worth if you get rejected time after time. If you're looking to others to make you happy you'll always be defeated. Try if you can to find self love. If a girl isn't interested just think "next", you liking her or giving her attention is a privilege, it's something that she should appreciate.

    If you can find happiness in other stuff for example if you enjoy working out, video games, hanging out with friends, your job, other hobbies, etc women will notice that and they will be drawn to you.

    Finding the right partner isn't easy that's for sure, you're only 17 your best bet is to be focusing on school and having a good time while keeping your school life in order. Success and ambition is very attractive to most women, someone that doesn't need someone else to be happy and is content with their own life is also attractive.

    There's tons of stuff you can learn about attraction on the internet. For women attraction isn't a choice. They like to be teased, if you can be cocky and funny that's never a bad thing. It sounds kinda weird but if you say something where a girl punches you on the shoulder(lightly) that's a sign she likes you. Women want a challenge someone that they view at least as their equal in terms of status.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2011
  20. lycoris

    lycoris Well-Known Member

    ... I like someone who likes me, treats me like a person and isnt a total ass, cocky is annoyiing but a sense of humour is good.