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BPD Runied the best thing I had!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lulu rose, Nov 7, 2007.

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  1. lulu rose

    lulu rose Guest

    I was recently diagnosed with BPD, and its apparent that I've suffered with this from an early age and it went undiagnosed and untreated.

    Making me think I was a horrible person.

    Recently my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me because of the way I was behaving and the way I thought e.c.t. This is all due to my BPD. Now theres no chance at all that he will ever give me another chance, regarldess of wether it was an illness or not!. Hes ignoring me, he hasnt spoken to me at all for weeks.

    I tried to kill myself twice, both failed obviously, the first time he was with me, the second time I was back home and he knew what was happening but there wasn't so much as a peep out of him........nothing. I wasnt doing it for attention or to win him back. I wanted to die, and I still do.

    I've informed him of my BPD because I wasnt sure wether he wanted to know and he might have found out through someone else and got angry so I diddnt want that. I e-mailed him about it, but I doubt he ever reads my e-mails.

    If this had been diagnosed earlier I could have saved the relationship!. Now its hopeless. I'm alone all the time now, no local friends, a dad whos distant, a mother who died when I was 9. The only people I have are people who live in different parts of the country or on the other side of the world.

    I'm so upset.......I want to talk to him on the phone and tell him! but he always cuts me off whilst it rings...My dad still doesnt know I have BPD.

    I dont know what to do. I want Keith to understand and to know but I dont think he cares about me at all anymore. I doubt he'd even care if I died, I dont think hed come to the funeral..
  2. lulu rose

    lulu rose Guest

    screw it, when they start the treatment for BPD I hope they put me on some form of pill, maybe then I can try again and it might work this time.
  3. Harrowdown

    Harrowdown Well-Known Member

    i hate it

    ive fucked up so many relationships, so many people iwanted to stay in my life

    i don't even wanna try any more

    im sorry about your boyfriend, i really am
    i just screwed up a thing with the first girl ive met in 5 years
    god i feel pathetic
  4. k_pressy

    k_pressy Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear about your relationship hun...

    I haven't been diagnosed by the GP as having BPD but read symptoms on the internet and ticked almost every box so can say I am in the same boat.

    Whatever you do, don't put all your trust in pills. At the moment i've been through 3 different antidepressants trying to find one that helps and none have worked so far. My GP is just about ready to brush me off to the mental hospital, so need to tell him about the BPD before he does. But if you put too much trust in tablets you expect them to work miracles and they don't, leaving you feeling disappointed and making the BPD worse. One minute I was laughing about all the money I was spending on tablets, the next I was crying my eyes out saying I should just die to stop me being a burden on everyone.

    My relationship seems to be going in the same direction. We've only been together just over a year but sometimes the way I treat him is just not fair. I'm surprised he hasnt left me yet. But just give your man some time to get to grips with all this information...finding out someone you loved has a serious illness can take a while to come to terms with, and now that he has a reason for why you acted the way you did when you were together he might just realise that now you know whats wrong, you could change.

    Hope I was some form of help
  5. Pills. I take an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer to deal with my BPD. Just an antidepressant made it worse.

    Boyfriend. I'm sorry hun. I really am. Losing someone you love is hard. He should stop being mean and try and help you even if only as a friend.
  6. alimar

    alimar Well-Known Member

    Being undiagnosed sounds very familer in the UK, sorry it runied things for you. I hope now you are DX that you can help get yourself on track.
  7. grei

    grei Well-Known Member

    I know how that feels. My boyfriend of more than 2 years didn't understand me at all. He thought I was joking about my depression. Once I told him that I wanted to kill myself, with tears in my eyes, and he just laughed and changed the subject.

    We just broke up earlier this week. I couldn't take it anymore.. All he did was tell me how I didn't love him because of the way I acted around / treated him. I didn't have the strength to defend myself anymore; I was always trying to tell him that it didn't have anything to do with him.

    He just.. refused to understand. I know that we're better off not being together, I just hope I have the strength to stay away from him. I really did love him.. and I still do.

    I think it's something similiar with you.. You're better off without him, so just don't let him get to you anymore. By the way he's treating you, he doesn't deserve being with you anyway.
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