Today has been a difficult day in the middle of a difficult week for me. I have never been one for outreach and forums stuff but after my docs told me that I might die in as few as two weeks and my wife left me, well suffice it to say that I needed to reach out and hear from others. I was reading the thread about the first and last thing everyday that you think of being suicide and I knew this would be a helpful place. I think that people have emotional baselines, you know in general I think people may go all over the emotional spectrum but always land back on generally happy, generally sad, generally depressed, generally weird, or whatever and I am generally happy ans a person. But after being sentenced to an unknown demise and having the only real light in my life leave me because she couldn't handle the stress of my existence, I shut down hard. I dont sleep or eat very well or at all sometimes, I always have stuff during the day to occupy me briefly but as soon as I return to my home... , I am going to die soon (maybe) anyways, the person who was supposed to be there for me in sickness and in health bailed, I just dont know what to do to "enhance" my eventual return to my house enough to not. My therapist (who i have only seen twice) just wants to tell me that its my childhood coming to haunt me, and that I have so much to be thankful for so I should just focus on that. But to me thats like saying, "stop being depressed buddy its just easier that way," it honestly just seems easier to stop fighting my bad luck and kill myself. Facing my mortality at 25 is difficult, and hell I even think that if I wait long enough, things will probably get better if I don't die, but why care. I suppose if I have anythings to ask the universe it is why keep going, people often ask me what I think the meaning of life is, and my response " to collect information and experiences for no particular reason" I mean its lame but seems fairly accurate. But when you experiences and information all turn to black soul suffocating shit whats the point. What do you guys look forward to everyday, how do you keep your self from pulling the trigger, how do you move on. Aside from time (which I may not even have) how do you sleep for fucks sake, im so tired.