Thank you, I really appreciate it. I just feel like everyday I miss her more. And I'll message her and she wont reply and it makes me hurt more that shes not there for me when she promised she always would no matter what. And she loves me, like is in love with me, but doesn't want to be together and I think it's because my mental illness is to much for her. I just wish she didn't love me at all then I'd have a reason to move on instead of feeling like she's the one I want to spend forever with.
Hey Waters, I've kept this a secret my entire time on SF but reading your post made me feel like I was reading something that I wrote personally. So now I feel like I must share it to you, because it brings back memories.
I had someone close to me, too. And they kept me alive (ie - talked me out of many, MANY suicidal episodes) and we promised each other that we would be together until forever. It was so cheesy but I cared for them so much, and I would message them 24/7 because they were so very close to me. But now they won't reply to my texts, either. I know what it feels like. To send out a text and constantly check your phone, praying that they would reply. But they never do... and seeing the blank phone screen makes you tear up and you start to cry. I remember writing a long reply waiting for the person to text me back and when they didn't, I cried so hard my phone screen looked like a puddle.
They told me that my mental illness was too much to handle. They told me that I was being too needy, too insane, and that I was "draining" them. It hurt me so bad; I cried and cried and cried for months and thought about suicide a lot. I couldn't change who I was, and the person I loved the most hated me for it.
But... I've had time to be upset and I let my sadness run its course, and time is not what you have had yet at this point. So think of me as future you, okay? I'm future you telling you that the pain, slowly, will get less and less. You'll stop seeing her face in strangers on the street and the loving, supporting texts you once got will not be fresh in your mind. Meeting new people won't erase them from your mind, but it'll soothe the pain a hell of a lot and the new memories you make with new people will erase the memories you've had with her.
I used to think that the person I was talking about earlier in my life was one in a million. I used to think that if I didn't have them, I was a f*cking mess and I couldn't carry on without them. Turns out my lovedrunk, heartbroken heart was wrong. I met someone a few months later at an art festival and I was so sad that I almost didn't give the new person a chance. Well, I forced myself to be happy and we eventually started dating. We're going 8 months strong now and while it always hurts thinking about the people we lost, there are always others (romantic or not) who can help fill the void.
Dear Waters, I just wanna say, again, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Thinking about your situation and also thinking about how mine was so similar... it really does make me tear up. I feel your pain so, so so deeply. You're not alone.
I don't really say this too much but if you need anything, and I mean literally,
anything in the entire world, message me whenever you'd like, 24/7. I'm not around often to reply but I promise you, if there's anything I can do for you let me know. People like us deserve to stick together. Stay strong hun. x