Break up

Waters

Well-Known Member
#1
My girlfriend and I just broke up and I miss her all the time it's horrible. I had bought her an engagement ring and everything and I had to give it away yesterday, it was one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do. I just feel hopeless without her and other times Im so angry at her I want to scream because of where I've dropped because of her.
 

Luoma

Need someone to talk to? I'm here!
SF Supporter
#3
Oh Waters, I am so, so sorry for this awful breakup. It must have been so awful to have to give that ring away, especially when you believe that she was the one for you for sure.

But, as most things in the universe, life has a way of working things out. If you two broke up, it was likely for the better. It's better to have broken up now instead of after marriage when there's a lot of legal things involved in the mix, and if you two decided to raise a child together, it would have been even worse.

You can talk to me anytime you want, okay? Let me know if there's anything, anything I can do at all to help you.
I think the best step in getting over someone you were planning on spending your life with is to go out with friends and/or meet new people. It eases the pain.

Trust me, I've been there and done that. It hurts like hell, I know. But it does get better. Soon you will realize your life doesn't revolve around each other anymore. Do you still keep in contact anymore, or has she cut things off completely.

I'm so sorry darling. My best wishes to you. -hugs- Stay strong.
 

Waters

Well-Known Member
#5
I keep in contact with her and I don't know if it makes things better or worse. I just want to fight for us, ya know, and she doesn't and it kills me. She was the reason I was alive, she gave me a future and a plan and I took care of her and I just want it back. I just even have a hard time getting out of bed. It's not like I want to kill myself, I just want to not exist for just a little while, just shut down and be four steps removed from my life and just read and not feel.
 

Luoma

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SF Supporter
#6
I keep in contact with her and I don't know if it makes things better or worse. I just want to fight for us, ya know, and she doesn't and it kills me. She was the reason I was alive, she gave me a future and a plan and I took care of her and I just want it back. I just even have a hard time getting out of bed. It's not like I want to kill myself, I just want to not exist for just a little while, just shut down and be four steps removed from my life and just read and not feel.
Hey hun. I'm so sorry that she doesn't feel the same way. I know what it feels like to want me and the other person to stay together no matter what and they're starting to let go. It's hard, because in my situation I loved them more than I could express but they were just fine without me. And without them, I was a broken mess. I had to come to terms with the fact that things just didn't work out, and if they really want me out of their life, that's just how it is sometimes. If you're sure she wants you gone, chances are well, there's not much you can do to change her mind. And I get it, it hurts like hell.

I really think it would be best if you just stayed out of contact. It's also worth noting that you shouldn't check any of her social media or her pictures either. If you find what you want to see on there, it'll hurt you. If you see something you're not ready to see, it'll hurt you even more. It's just a lose-lose situation. Perhaps not cut off contact entirely, like you don't have to block her or anything but just don't go out of your way to text her. It would be better off that way.

I am very relieved to hear that you do not want to commit suicide; I hope your mind stays that way indefinitely. Because suicide is definitely not the answer. But as far as numbing yourself goes, the best advice I can give you is load up on those distraction techniques and also, like I said previously, forcing yourself to go out and meet new people (even if you HATE the idea) can really actually help you move on faster.

I hope today is at least a little less painful than yesterday was.
 

Waters

Well-Known Member
#7
Thank you, I really appreciate it. I just feel like everyday I miss her more. And I'll message her and she wont reply and it makes me hurt more that shes not there for me when she promised she always would no matter what. And she loves me, like is in love with me, but doesn't want to be together and I think it's because my mental illness is to much for her. I just wish she didn't love me at all then I'd have a reason to move on instead of feeling like she's the one I want to spend forever with.
 

Luoma

Need someone to talk to? I'm here!
SF Supporter
#8
Thank you, I really appreciate it. I just feel like everyday I miss her more. And I'll message her and she wont reply and it makes me hurt more that shes not there for me when she promised she always would no matter what. And she loves me, like is in love with me, but doesn't want to be together and I think it's because my mental illness is to much for her. I just wish she didn't love me at all then I'd have a reason to move on instead of feeling like she's the one I want to spend forever with.
Hey Waters, I've kept this a secret my entire time on SF but reading your post made me feel like I was reading something that I wrote personally. So now I feel like I must share it to you, because it brings back memories.

I had someone close to me, too. And they kept me alive (ie - talked me out of many, MANY suicidal episodes) and we promised each other that we would be together until forever. It was so cheesy but I cared for them so much, and I would message them 24/7 because they were so very close to me. But now they won't reply to my texts, either. I know what it feels like. To send out a text and constantly check your phone, praying that they would reply. But they never do... and seeing the blank phone screen makes you tear up and you start to cry. I remember writing a long reply waiting for the person to text me back and when they didn't, I cried so hard my phone screen looked like a puddle.

They told me that my mental illness was too much to handle. They told me that I was being too needy, too insane, and that I was "draining" them. It hurt me so bad; I cried and cried and cried for months and thought about suicide a lot. I couldn't change who I was, and the person I loved the most hated me for it.

But... I've had time to be upset and I let my sadness run its course, and time is not what you have had yet at this point. So think of me as future you, okay? I'm future you telling you that the pain, slowly, will get less and less. You'll stop seeing her face in strangers on the street and the loving, supporting texts you once got will not be fresh in your mind. Meeting new people won't erase them from your mind, but it'll soothe the pain a hell of a lot and the new memories you make with new people will erase the memories you've had with her.

I used to think that the person I was talking about earlier in my life was one in a million. I used to think that if I didn't have them, I was a f*cking mess and I couldn't carry on without them. Turns out my lovedrunk, heartbroken heart was wrong. I met someone a few months later at an art festival and I was so sad that I almost didn't give the new person a chance. Well, I forced myself to be happy and we eventually started dating. We're going 8 months strong now and while it always hurts thinking about the people we lost, there are always others (romantic or not) who can help fill the void.

Dear Waters, I just wanna say, again, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Thinking about your situation and also thinking about how mine was so similar... it really does make me tear up. I feel your pain so, so so deeply. You're not alone.

I don't really say this too much but if you need anything, and I mean literally, anything in the entire world, message me whenever you'd like, 24/7. I'm not around often to reply but I promise you, if there's anything I can do for you let me know. People like us deserve to stick together. Stay strong hun. x
 

Waters

Well-Known Member
#9
Thank you it means a lot, and thank you for sharing your story with me. I guess Ive just had such bad relationships, abusive relationships both emotionally and sexually that this one just shined out of all of them. But that doesn't mean there couldn't be something else that shined brighter. It is hard I hear all the things she said running through my head about how much she loved me and how if she messed it up she'd be the dumbest person in the world and now it really is messed up. I've been cutting every day but somedays I get better somedays I don't. It doesn't help I haven't been taking my meds and I'd rather eat than cook for myself. I need to learn how to take care of myself better.

I'm really glad you find someone who makes you happy, you deserve it, I've seen you around a lot on this site helping other people, just know it doesn't go unnoticed.

It is so hard to find someone new, it hasn't been much time but like the idea of valentines day coming up just makes me want to be unconscious for the whole day honestly. It's so hard for me to meet new people. But I will try. Thank you so much for everything!
 

Luoma

Need someone to talk to? I'm here!
SF Supporter
#10
I'm so, so sorry that you've been through relationships like that! I've been through one myself, and if I were in your position I'd definitely be pretty focused on the good one, too. However, like you said, there are going to be other lovelier ones! You being able to see that, too, shows me that you're really on your way to recovery back into a more happy mental state, though please don't blame yourself if you continue to be hurt by this. When the person I initially cared about didn't respond to my texts either, I resorted to self harm, too. Do you have any coping methods you can use to stop, even just for a little bit? I personally am a fan of the rubber band technique.

And thank you so, so much for your kind words. Helping others is what I love to do best, so I'm glad my words touched at least a few people!

I wouldn't blame you if you lived in bed all day for Valentine's day. Sometimes it has a way of shoving romance down our throats, so stay safe out there, alright? Don't force yourself out if you don't feel like it because I wouldn't want anything to trigger bad memories or something.

Have a wonderful night!
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#11
Hey Waters, I hope maybe you're feeling a little better right now. We're all still here for ya, you know...
I Just wanted to chime in and say here that relationships are tough, hon, and losing them when you're young is even tougher. You feel like this person is the only one you're meant to be with forever but seriously, one very rarely goes backwards in terms of relationships - they generally move forward. One is left thinking "I wish I had the last one back" (though that does happen sometimes, this is a generalization). Although this time is rocky and painful you can make it through. We've got you.
 

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