breakdown

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by among the stars, Sep 8, 2011.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    i know i am only taking up space here...i will be requesting leave...seems i have hurt anyone i have ever loved or befriended here. lostbutnotfound i still care about u altho i could never tell u how much. My sisters, swift and thorninyourside I love you as if you were my own blood sisters. im sorry im no good for you, i should be there more and im not. i know im letting u down....i know im letting everyone down. my purpose here is not to seek help...its to be there for everyone else and ive been so consumed by guilt and pain and hatred for myself, i let more important things slip....im so sorry everyone...so very sorry...when i come back, if i come back...ill see what to do then. for now i cannot stay where i am not wanted or needed and it has become very obvious to me that i am neither to a lot of people here...i cant even help my sisters...to me that is very pathetic...im not my mothers daughter, im just a fat fuck who's so screwed up...she doesnt know what to do anymore....ive had 2 breakdowns...i just dont know what to do....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2011
  2. kote

    kote Account Closed

    i feel your pain!!!
    all i have seen is that you are an excellent person and a real asset to SF.
    we all have our ups and downs and im sorry to hear you feeling this way right now.
    im sorry about your breakdowns too, ive been through one and its like walking through hell. for you to do it twice shows that you have amazing strength.
    i wish you the best and hope you stay around SF in what ever way. please take care!!!
     
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Hun.. ur still wanted.. I'm sorry for anything I've done to hurt you.. You don't need to take leave.. People here care about you.. And the reason for this site is to find help.. and maybe u can't help anyone right now.. Maybe you need to just focus on ur own issues... There is only so much anyone can do for another, especially online.. And you can't fix it all.. ppl have to learn on their own too..
     
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    do whatever it is you feel you need to do for your own well being BC..

    you are the most important person to you so take care ok
    If you decide to take leave, I hope it brings you some respite from your pain
    If you stay I hope you know you can reach out for support here anytime
    :console::arms::wub:
     
  5. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    ur my sister, and i love you... you are only human, and im only human too. I wish i could show you how much you matter, but ive only spent 5 years learning how to hide how i feel, and now when i want to show it... well its so hard... but i hope you know how much i really do love you... and if not, please trust my word.
     
  6. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    BC.. if you feel you need to take leave for your own wellbeing than it is positive that you have recognized this. However, if it is because of other people, then that is not beneficial to you, and only means you will have to struggle alone. I know you are hurting, but sometimes we have to keep on reaching out.. if at first we don't succeed we have to try again, to get the support we need. If you are struggling, then you need support, that is not wrong, that is merely a survival instinct, one that is justified. I know you won't read this until you are back off leave, but this is something I want you to remember: everyone is here for a reason. Everyone is here because they are struggling to live. Because of that reason, people react in different ways, and sometimes are not there for people like they would like to be. That is no ones fault, that is just the way mental health ravages the mind. You are no different.. you are here for a reason. You are here because you struggle to live. And yes perhaps you have 'flaws' but if you DIDN'T have 'flaws' you wouldn't be normal. No one is perfect, no matter how much we wish to be. I hope your leave treats you well, and I hope that things start improving for you.