breaking point reached

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by guage, Mar 1, 2013.

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  1. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    So here I sit, teary eyed, having made my final decision. I really did want to live, just not like I have, way to long now. The couple of things I had going for came dropping in me like a ton of shit. I have been a dick to people I didn't know, it was hard for me to let people in, more often then not everytime I did I have been betrayed. Well yup it has happened again. I have mentioned in a different post by whom. Buy yet the one recourse that would have helped me be able to at least seal with that situation is gone, oh well to bad for me, again. I let people in and trust them as much as I would want them to trust me, and get shit on everytime. Well, I've got to put my foot down, and end it. I can see how some people can be mean, rude, hateful, devious, self-centered, maniacal, malicious, spiteful to other people. I have been some of those ways to people. But never to any one I even said I love you to or called family. But some people think it is ok to do this to people, no matter how far that person was willing to go for them. I was abused, everyway you can imagine. I cant do anything to my perp, but on the other hand I can to someone else's, if they are still alive. And infact I was, gonna do something to someone else's perp. Even though she did not want me to. But yet what she has turned around and done to me is unimaginable to me. I cant fathom, what I have done for her to do this to me. Even knowing several of my skeletons she still thought it a good idea to rake me through the coals. Wow. So the end is now nearer than I thought. It deeply saddens me that I might have to put my newest PitBull to sleep. For he also was abused and hates everyone but me. I cant imagine how supposedly sane normal people do this to others . Probably why the world is turning out so shitty. But I don't even want to scream or anything , im done, the tears dried up after the second sentence. I don't care how any of my loved ones feel, it just really sucks that I saved a life only to have to end it myself. Dogs are the best animals ever they know who's is friend and who is foe. And loyal to a fault if you make that bond. But now it's time to get affairs in order so as not to be more of a burden to anyone. I will continue to post until my date with destiny arrives. Thank you all for the kindest of words of support, and the courage to have endured thus far. Who knows maybe something will intervene and have me exclude this entire thought process.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOur dog deserves to live just as you deserve to live hun what she did y ou did not deserve but you ending your life you are just givning her more power the she deserves ok

    you hun and your preicious dog you move forward now you find a new place new friends each end has a new start hun don't harm you or your pet hun don't give her the power to do you any more harm
     
  3. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    I have really tried and am still kinda trying , working on getting my doggie a new owner but his trust in people is lost just as mine is , I let him bite me with out flinching to show him that I wasn't scared or bothered by him, he is a really wonderful doggie. Now he knows that it is unacceptable to bite or even growl at me , I am his alpha, but he doesn't accept anyone else into his pack. I don't get it, I know he was abused, but now he will only listen to me. As for her I know she will get what she deserves. Which is nothing at all except what she can con out of people. I hope one day I might look down upon her dying corpse and laugh as her soul fades away. Sorry so dark.... Just really high hopes
     
  4. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    I hope you will give your dog and yourself a chance. Things are tough. A lot of yoru story sounds like me. I relate a lot to what you're saying. I'm also a huge animal person - I mean, I literally won't hurt a fly. I have rescued many animals over the years. Both my dogs were death row dogs. My life sucks. I'm hanging on by a thread. Literally living one day at a time, just looking for what little positives I can find. I hope you will too. We have these screwed up chemicals in our brains, you have to recognize that. Hang in there. Feel free to PM me if you want. Please don't put your dog down. Even if he can never go out - it's not his fault he's the way he is and he's lucky you exist.
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm really sorry you were hurt and let down by someone you cared about. It's one of the worst feelings ever. I know something like that makes it almost impossible to want to trust again, but I hope you'll at least try... for your sake, and for the sake of the dog who trusts you.
     
  6. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    I try every single day , I hate it but I survive day by day. A date has been set, a few months out . And I am actively trying and taking meds. Maybe by then something will have changed. I guess I shall see...........
     
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