So here I sit, teary eyed, having made my final decision. I really did want to live, just not like I have, way to long now. The couple of things I had going for came dropping in me like a ton of shit. I have been a dick to people I didn't know, it was hard for me to let people in, more often then not everytime I did I have been betrayed. Well yup it has happened again. I have mentioned in a different post by whom. Buy yet the one recourse that would have helped me be able to at least seal with that situation is gone, oh well to bad for me, again. I let people in and trust them as much as I would want them to trust me, and get shit on everytime. Well, I've got to put my foot down, and end it. I can see how some people can be mean, rude, hateful, devious, self-centered, maniacal, malicious, spiteful to other people. I have been some of those ways to people. But never to any one I even said I love you to or called family. But some people think it is ok to do this to people, no matter how far that person was willing to go for them. I was abused, everyway you can imagine. I cant do anything to my perp, but on the other hand I can to someone else's, if they are still alive. And infact I was, gonna do something to someone else's perp. Even though she did not want me to. But yet what she has turned around and done to me is unimaginable to me. I cant fathom, what I have done for her to do this to me. Even knowing several of my skeletons she still thought it a good idea to rake me through the coals. Wow. So the end is now nearer than I thought. It deeply saddens me that I might have to put my newest PitBull to sleep. For he also was abused and hates everyone but me. I cant imagine how supposedly sane normal people do this to others . Probably why the world is turning out so shitty. But I don't even want to scream or anything , im done, the tears dried up after the second sentence. I don't care how any of my loved ones feel, it just really sucks that I saved a life only to have to end it myself. Dogs are the best animals ever they know who's is friend and who is foe. And loyal to a fault if you make that bond. But now it's time to get affairs in order so as not to be more of a burden to anyone. I will continue to post until my date with destiny arrives. Thank you all for the kindest of words of support, and the courage to have endured thus far. Who knows maybe something will intervene and have me exclude this entire thought process.