I think i'm back at the breaking point again. Recently i've managed to keep myself a few steps away, feeling bad, but not that bad, so to speak, but its now back with a vengance. All i keep thinking is it would only take a few seconds to do it, and it's constantly pushing, pressuring me to. It means i have to keep on top of it constantly, go against whatever instinct is driving this thing. The worst bit is, is that there is no help out there. I've been through this so many times before i guess it has got boring to others, and i know that no answer will break through this crap. I don't know whether i'll manage it this time or not, i guess more than anything i just want people to know that if i do, this is why, so it's not a surprise. I just want this pain to be over. I wish life could do this one thing for me, and grant me a merciful death. Today is a good day to die.