I have psychosis or schizophrenia, and what stops me working and studying is my crippling lack of motivation and energy. But I keep trying because basically I HAVE to. I feel compelled to. Lately I tried studying computer science at university, would of done pretty well too if I had been able to establish a routine but I just couldn't manage to the point I ended up withdrawing. Then out of the blue I got a call with a dream job, working on a lead character for a well known feature film IP from a very well known studio, I started yesterday and it's been great, leaving in 40 mins for my next day but I can't shake this anxiety of knowing I will fail. It's only a 2-3 week contract with future possibilities if I do well, and from a capability viewpoint I will, but then my sickness might interfere. And that's the entire problem, I'm dreading the day my motivation wanes into nothingness and I can't get out of bed, and it's messing with my head. It's ruining my ability to think straight at times and making me feel a bit gloomy to say the least. But why? This time, things are working out great. Even if my illness kicked in I can finish the contract, but it's messing with me bad.