Breaking the Habit (Failure)

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cie, Aug 7, 2014.

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  1. cie

    cie Banned Member

    I have psychosis or schizophrenia, and what stops me working and studying is my crippling lack of motivation and energy.

    But I keep trying because basically I HAVE to. I feel compelled to. Lately I tried studying computer science at university, would of done pretty well too if I had been able to establish a routine but I just couldn't manage to the point I ended up withdrawing.

    Then out of the blue I got a call with a dream job, working on a lead character for a well known feature film IP from a very well known studio, I started yesterday and it's been great, leaving in 40 mins for my next day but I can't shake this anxiety of knowing I will fail. It's only a 2-3 week contract with future possibilities if I do well, and from a capability viewpoint I will, but then my sickness might interfere. And that's the entire problem, I'm dreading the day my motivation wanes into nothingness and I can't get out of bed, and it's messing with my head. It's ruining my ability to think straight at times and making me feel a bit gloomy to say the least.

    But why? This time, things are working out great. Even if my illness kicked in I can finish the contract, but it's messing with me bad.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Do NOT look forward ok just take each day and do your best and keep your mind busy on other things you enjoy. if you feel you well fail you will so start changing those msg in your brian now and just keep saying over and over all we be ok even if you don't feel like it say it ok stay postive only positive msgs allow in your brain
     
  3. cie

    cie Banned Member

    Thanks for the advice, total eclipse. I just arrived back from work a few minutes ago, and I'm surprised that it's been 2 days and I feel fine. It's all the difference doing something I love because it makes me not stare at the clock and the days pass by, I could get used to this and hope that I do.
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Maybe your fear is also holding you back. You expect to fail eventually so it leaves you feeling like, why should I even bother? Do the contract, get it done and see where you are then. You may get a job out of it, and if you become ill whilst working then I'm sure your employers would understand if you needed time off sick to get some respite and recover. You can only try, what's the worst that could happen?
     
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