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Breaking the ice here

Deety

SF Supporter
#23
I'll be starting nursing prerequisites in January. I'm terrified of failure plus all the other social factors. Working with younger people will be a challenge as well if most of my co-workers are to be used as a barometer.
Hi @Striking I found most of the younger people in my nursing classes were very mature, empathetic, and well-rounded people for their age. How have the classes been going? Going back to University to change career was the best decision I ever made. I enjoy every day at work, and in my old career I dreaded every day and felt sick when my phone would ring. The difference in doing something you love for a job is amazing. I was still very fixated on finishing my degree when I was at my most suicidal 18 months ago (ie. I was only going to carry on being alive if I could carry on with my studies, and this was when they were trying to put me on enforced leave). Anyway I hope you are enjoying it.
 

draws

Well-Known Member
#25
I feel like someone getting a masters degree in perimenopause. It is a brutal ailment, completely different for each person. What I've learned:
- progestin cream helps with some symptoms. I've found small doses more frequently is better.
- I just live with waking up at night. I'm always in search of boring things to read... Always turn off the thinking because it's never good thinking.
- the hot flashes are truly a phenomenon. Sometimes It's so hot I think my skin will burn! Holy shit it sucks in the middle of a business meeting!! But cooling off works. -I'm looking for a small handheld fan. -Have an icy cold drink nearby (easy and effective), -Always dress with a jacket that can come off. -Dress to be more cool than warm. - I'm using some essential oils to help: a dot of peppermint, and I'm getting some clary sage to try misting. -If you're ever cold, think of something stressful to trigger a hot flash!

There are so many little things I've learned, I realize I can't write them all down.
 

draws

Well-Known Member
#29
Yes it sucks...think it's a permanent thing at this point...have gel pillow, gel bed which has helped...but still....alas....
Isn't it astounding? 50% of the human population is likely to go through this somewhat debilitating condition, and science literally doesn't even know what hot flashes are!!
 
#30
Isn't it astounding? 50% of the human population is likely to go through this somewhat debilitating condition, and science literally doesn't even know what hot flashes are!!
I've always wondered as I've had them for years...does it make sense that are worse when feeling stressed?...and don't take anything for menopause as aside from this don't seem to suffer from any of the other issues thankfully.
 

Striking

Well-Known Member
#31
Hi @Striking I found most of the younger people in my nursing classes were very mature, empathetic, and well-rounded people for their age. How have the classes been going? Going back to University to change career was the best decision I ever made. I enjoy every day at work, and in my old career I dreaded every day and felt sick when my phone would ring. The difference in doing something you love for a job is amazing. I was still very fixated on finishing my degree when I was at my most suicidal 18 months ago (ie. I was only going to carry on being alive if I could carry on with my studies, and this was when they were trying to put me on enforced leave). Anyway I hope you are enjoying it.
@Deety Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I am glad you fought your way through and reached your goal.

Unfortunately no, i have not begun classes. 2016 was a very rough year and 2017 has not started so well either. I will continue with my plan for a nursing degree in the summer if the will to do what is necessary returns.
 

Striking

Well-Known Member
#33
Unemployment is a real deal breaker on the dating scene. It's like a silver bullet to a werewolf's heart. Instant ghosting occurs the moment I utter the word.
 

Walker

Everything Zen
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#34
I don't find "unemployment" to be the deal breaker, @Striking -- but I would find "no money for a long time" one. Are you getting unemployment? Cause I'd be ok with that if I didn't think that was someone's long term solution to their life or anything. My feeling about finding someone right in that crappy place where they happen to be unemployed has always felt like I would need to see some passion about something. Like does this person sit home and play video games all day? Do they hang around the house in PJs or boxers or the bath robe and watch TV or eat popcorn and sit on the deck? All that is fucked off.
And though that doesn't mean they have to spend all day doing apps and fishing for jobs I gotta see something in them that says they're motivated and into living this life. Do they go to the gym every morning, scrapbook and sell them on ebay, go antique shopping for cool finds.. I don't know, whatever it is but not having a job is different from being an all out loser. YOU make your jobless situation look less shitty to those ladies, ok? Good luck.
 

Deety

SF Supporter
#35
Well said @walkerbait95, I meant to reply to this comment the other day too, but couldn't think of how to phrase what I was thinking. I'd much prefer to be with someone unemployed but with plans or a passion for something, than someone who worked a job they didn't enjoy and were never going to do anything about it.
 

Walker

Everything Zen
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#36
I feel the same way about people on disability or whatever so it's my solid answer. I would absolutely date someone who wasn't like.. I don't know.. "employed full time" by some company. They could be self employed, starting off, on disability, riding out some unemployment, just gotten shit canned last week. It's all in how you feel about THAT PERSON and each situation is different case by case.
 

Striking

Well-Known Member
#38
I know how you feel. I was alone for 20 years and only started dating in my mid-forties. I was terrified of anyone knowing about me. Why I was alone so long, didn't work, no family/friends, and needed to manage mental illness....but my approach was truth and honesty. I used an online dating site and I put it all in my profile, not in detail or negatively, but honestly. I'm sure it made lots of men run fast, but I was surprised how many others have experienced a lot of what I have. As for the requirements of male/female, do you mean traditional roles?
More than traditional roles. It's the expectation that I be a "man's man" but also be sensitive and vulnerable. It is almost as if there is uncertainty about what they really want.
 
#39
Well I definitely fit in here...hi all...im 53 years old...the empty nest has about killed me, I have battled depression every day of my 53 years, my first thought every morning before I even open my eyes is "m so depressed, and still here". Even as a kid I battled this. My kids have all but disowned me- im broke, health is a B- on the old school grading system. I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth but I cant see it, I can see the wind blowing the trees and branches but I cant feel it. I feel nothing- externally- neither good nor bad- I only feel hopelessness and sadness down to my soul. I have no Christmas decorations, their too painful to look at- just reminders of when my babies where with me and how they loves this time of year. Now I'm lucky if I get a phone call, I'll visit my 81 year old step mother on Christmas day but there's no connection there...she's just the closest thing to family I have now. I'm dying inside day by day. I live on caffeine and nicotine and occasionally a little weed- it helps quiet my mind. Im an old hippy that would love to find a communal living arrangement for people my age. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to do something that matters..now that I am no longer needed as a mother- which is all I ever knew from the time I was 17 until I turned 50....now im lost - wandering around in a world that is not welcome to middle aged women with mental health issues....im just so lost.
wow. I feel like Im reading about myself. I am 58 and the kids are long gone. One to another country.
Your right, the world is not welcome to middle aged women! I have little advice except to find another way to mother. Another way to care take. That is what makes the world function. See if you can volunteer somewhere that needs your help. If you like animals, try a shelter. Baby's.... call and see if you can hold sick ones at the hospital. Older people always need some support. I am not propsing this as a panacea, but it may be worth a try.

Hang in there!
 

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