Well I definitely fit in here...hi all...im 53 years old...the empty nest has about killed me, I have battled depression every day of my 53 years, my first thought every morning before I even open my eyes is "m so depressed, and still here". Even as a kid I battled this. My kids have all but disowned me- im broke, health is a B- on the old school grading system. I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth but I cant see it, I can see the wind blowing the trees and branches but I cant feel it. I feel nothing- externally- neither good nor bad- I only feel hopelessness and sadness down to my soul. I have no Christmas decorations, their too painful to look at- just reminders of when my babies where with me and how they loves this time of year. Now I'm lucky if I get a phone call, I'll visit my 81 year old step mother on Christmas day but there's no connection there...she's just the closest thing to family I have now. I'm dying inside day by day. I live on caffeine and nicotine and occasionally a little weed- it helps quiet my mind. Im an old hippy that would love to find a communal living arrangement for people my age. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to do something that matters..now that I am no longer needed as a mother- which is all I ever knew from the time I was 17 until I turned 50....now im lost - wandering around in a world that is not welcome to middle aged women with mental health issues....im just so lost.