Breaking up with the bf, just don't know how to..

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by LiberMortum, Jan 1, 2008.

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  1. LiberMortum

    LiberMortum Active Member

    We've been together about 7 months now and it's not going well..

    I moved in at his place about a week after we started dating, which was not
    good; because I need my own place and such.

    Well, I've tried to break up with him twice now and he always started crying and telling me how he can't live without me and all that bologna.

    The thing is, I hardly get any attention from him anymore. I used to get plenty when we started going out, now it's just me watching him play a game.

    We sleep in the same bed, that's pretty much the only time he spends with me anymore, he makes empty promises about taking me out and such. Never happened.

    I've not talked to people properly in about the 7 months we've been together, because he doesn't want to go out.

    I have my own place, starting tomorrow, but I am too scared to leave. I don't want to be alone.. I know I'll manage, but I am very, very worried about him since he doesn't pay his bills and he doesn't have any money coming this month; so I don't know how he'll manage.
    And I know it's not my job to be his caretaker, but I don't know how to stop worrying about everything.

    I mean he doesn't go to school anymore, we bought expensive books and all the gear he needs and he just stopped going there two months ago. I can't talk to him about school because he just ignores me or gets pissy.

    Last time I tried breaking up with him, I threw up because I was so nervous. And I can feel it happening again. I don't wanna fight with him..

    I do love him. But I am sick of having to fight for attention with his computer. I can't take this anymore, but I don't want to see him cry. I'm too kind, way too kind.

    Oh, I talked to his mother about this and she was very understanding why I wanted to leave and basically gave me her blessing.. Which was nice, but I kept thinking that I shouldn't burden her with my sh*t.

    Gah! I know I will leave tomorrow. And I know I should tell him today and talk to him about it. But I can't. I don't know what to say, or how to say it. I know he'll just cry and tell me he doesn't trust me and doesn't want me to go..

    Not sure this is where the topic should be, feel free to move it if needed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2008
  2. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    You should really talk to him about it,
    if he really loves you he'd let you go..

    Goodluck with it all, i hope you can do it without too much worrying :)
  3. Labrynth

    Labrynth Active Member

    Last year I was in a very similar situation to you. My boyfriend at that time was extremely controlling in every way. I knew I had to leave, but I had nowhere to go. I used to walk to work daydreaming all the way about how I was going to tell him I was leaving. Everytime I even so much as expressed an opinion he would hit the roof, so how this was going to go down I didn't know. So I know how you feel hun.

    In the end I did pluck up the courage to leave though and you know what? As soon as I was away I immediately felt much better. I worried about how he would cope as I was the only one bringing any money in, so he had no money atall to keep himself going. He did cope though, I cant honestly tell you how, but I know he did, and your boyfriend will too. So put yourself first and think about your happiness....not his. You can do it. Stay strong and it would be great if you could let us know how you get on! :hug:
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    At the end of the day, this is YOUR life. I am going to sound totally heartless and I don't mean to but if you're unhappy in a relationship and you don't see it getting any better then you should get out of it. You shouldn't have to live your life in a relationship you don't want to be in. It'll only end up making you feel miserable and you'll probably end up loathing your boyfriend which isn't good at all... it's just going to go downhill from here.

    You say you're worried about how he's going to manage with bills, money etc... sure, it may be a bit tough for him at the start but he will manage and he should stand on his own two feet. I remember someone telling me, when he was younger and couldn't swim, his dad pushed him into a lake (or river, can't remember now), of course he was panicking etc but he had no option but to kick his feet and keep his head above. He managed it, it was a struggle, but he managed, just like your boyfriend can.

    Your boyfriend can also lean on his friends and family for support so he isn't totally alone.

    Next time you try to break up with him... go through with it, and don't let his crying (maybe even seen as emotional blackmail), keep you in the relationship. Walk away.

    Best of luck with everything. :hug:
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