"Breaking Up"

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by AlexElm, Jul 3, 2011.

  1. AlexElm

    AlexElm Well-Known Member

    So to speak. I say so because technically we were never in a relationship. Here's my dilemma. I'm 14. Someone "loves" me. I say this because she is not the most... Err... Intellectually mature person? And every conversation I have with her, I need to point something out, not the delicate dance of subtleties I absolutely love (That probably won't make sense :) ). Also, we don't see each other often so we don't really talk a lot. And she has said she loves me and yet I don't feel the same. There are many reasons but as people say, beauty is skin deep... And I feel guilty around her. Long story.

    In my experience there's a difference between love and the uncrontrollable crush. There's a big difference. And so, how do I break it to her that I don't love her? And keep her feelings/pride/etc intact?

    After reading this, I sound like such an asshole...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 3, 2011
  2. The Unforgiven

    The Unforgiven Well-Known Member

    Well no, there's nothing bad about being practical or pragmatic. Admittedly it feels harsh to be the break up-er, but you're just being realistic, so idk, I really think of your maturity being a pro, not a con there.
    If there's a massive difference in maturity levels, there's bound to be conflict, especially at this age, I know it's crappy to be called an unstable teenager but most are, so even tho you're stable, there's a fair chance your partner will throw a fit.

    Why don't you tell her that, you're both too young to settle down right now?.. You could still see each other, go out and stuff. But you don't have to go out only with each other, still keep your options open?..
    Tc :hug:
  3. AlexElm

    AlexElm Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice but I was wondering if there was a way to do it without confrontation? I'm a bit shy so... :hiding:
    For the record I'm the unstable one
  4. The Unforgiven

    The Unforgiven Well-Known Member

    mmm theres a way you could do the whole 'gradual ease away' thing.. i mean, cut down your time together and gradually move away. like friends who fall out with each other? and when she does question you just fess up that youre not ready to sette; down with one person yet..
    she just might biff you tho. :unsure: :eek:utcold: :rip:
  5. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    Or you can not be a lying coward, and simply tell her the situation of what is going on.
  6. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Why do you view that as cowardly? There is a difference between being 'cowardly' and actually having some sense of compassion towards others. The OP stated that they want this girl to have pride/dignity etc intact. There is no need to hurt others feelings, when gentler terms and actions can be used.
  7. Kassy

    Kassy Well-Known Member

    I guess that part is harder after 15 years of marriage.
  8. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Not saying that every situation can be dealt with that way, but in answer to the OP' thread, which is what we should be discussing, I think my response was reasonable :)
  9. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't go as far as say being a lying coward but I think it's better to be upfront and tell her you're not interested it really get me how some people beat around the bush.

    Women will pick a fight with you over nothing so they can go run to another man or do things to "show" their not really interested avoiding spending time or blah blah it's all quite immature.

    Just have a heart to heart conversation that way you won't be leading her on and playing any games...
  10. Kassy

    Kassy Well-Known Member

    Oh my God, I did not want to mean you were wrong...

    I meant in my situation, after 15 years of marriage, ending a relation seems so hard. But my husband REFUSES to follow any kind of therapy/treatment for his depression and prefer blame me on everything...because he said he is not crazy.

    In that perspective, I prefer to be alone.

    Sorry for the misunderstood situation.