I'm beginning to think that suicide really is the only option. No matter what I do things only get worse. Plans for doing it keep popping into my head. The temptation to just disappear is huge. Why do I keep resisting it? A part of me knows nothing will ever get better and I'm a fool for carrying on hoping and trying. This is all I am, depressed and suicidal, it's all I'll ever be. I should just give in to it and end this pointless life. Whenever I hope for something I know deep down it's just a dream that'll never come true. Maybe things could've been different but I feel like I've gone too far, I've been like this for too long. I've tried so many things and yeah they help for a short while but I always end up back here staring down the barrel of a gun (metaphorically). At what point does someone become a lost cause? Wherever it is I think I past it a long time ago and I just keep holding on because I'm too stupid to see it. There's no light at the end of the tunnel, it's just in my imagination. The truth is it hurts too much, I can't go on. Whenever there's no one to see it I'm in tears. I feel like I'm reaching my limit. I cry myself to sleep every night, I wake up in the morning and I cry. There's never any rest, there's always someone wanting more and more from me than I can give and I feel like somethings gonna break soon. If I had a way of killing myself next to me right now I'd use it without hesitation.