And hold your breath for about a minute... feeling awful? Feeling like you need something? Well that's how I am feeling. Except those feelings are the ones I need to cut(and die)! I can't go on like this. I have xxxxx. I don't want to be around for xmas. Another shit xmas. I hate xmas. I have done for a long time now. Why does everyone have false joy? Why pretend to be something you are not. Now that is pretentious. Wanting to go to nice places is not pretentious. I hope that I don't come across as trying to be something I'm not. I hope I have been honest. I can only try!