breathing is optional

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Jess, Jan 7, 2007.

  1. Jess

    Jess Guest

    Today has sucked.

    I went to bed way too late. Up at 6. couldn't get back to sleep.

    Yelled at in basketball for having to leave earlier because of work. :( Work for 7 hours. I hate people :mad: they're so rude. Nearly falling asleep sitting here but every time I close my eyes I'm on the brink of tears. My thoughts attack me whenever I close my eyes. I go from one thing to another. Everything in my life that's not right. Finding flaws in everything. Then if I do fall asleep, I dream screwed up dreams about things going on in my life that scares me even more. So fricken realistic.

    I'm worried about people on here. Worried about my family.

    Everythings going to crush me.

    :( I need to be strong to support others right now but I can't even support myself with the weight pushing down on me.
    Thanks to Queen and David Bowe for writing the song Pressure. it fits so well right now!

    I don't know what to do. I feel guilty for wanting the things I do. For wishing for the things I do. I hope and pray that ever breath I take is my last. That I can have the courage to pull the trigger. Anything. As I drive down the street I hope that I crash. I feel guilty for wanting to do this to everyone. I know it will hurt them but I'm being selfish in wanting to die anyways just because I'm not strong enough to handle this pain. I'm 16 ffs. what possible pain could I have? It could be so much worse yet I'm being like this! ahhhg.

    Sorry :(