Yet I, well it is truly "I" that doesn't matter. I have many loose ends right now that are causing me a bag load of questions about things and I have a chance to ask myself a few pertinent questions, but am very afraid of the answers I may receive. The problem is, there is something embarrassing and shameful that I need to admit to myself. It is best to come clean and to stop pretending. But what is it and why do I fear it? They say the moment you notice something about yourself, you have control. It is a secure person who can recognize when they are not feeling themselves and to pause when you notice this kind of imbalance...I've been pausing longer than I can remember!!! I AM NOT SECURE AND DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTROL...what the heck is wrong with me? I do not deserve to be here and why do they keep asking me to call when no one answers? And they want me to trust them? I cannot trust myself from o ne day to the next. All they do is give me scenario's that help me in setting the stage for my own suicide.