Bring it on! **vulgar language sorry**

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Car won't start this morning... (after changing the battery and terminals)... have had the tow truck come out twice to tow it to the garage and was talked out of it both times by the asshole driver telling me it was just the battery... so now... was late for work today.... again!!... have no car... no damn time to have it fixed... will have to call the tow truck YET AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All because I was too stupid to tell him to kiss ass and just tow the damn thing. I'm pretty damn sure it's my starter and I have NO freaking knowledge of cars!!!! God, I don't know why I always listen to other people... always do what I'm told... no matter what my inner voice is SCREAMING at me!!!!!!!!!!

Mother in law has to go for tests this week because they believe she may have cervical cancer... great! Just Flippin great!!!!! I can't fucking stand her... but of course am not heartless enough to not feel for her... so am trapped with having to try and care for her if that is what it ends up being...even though I'm pretty god damn sure she would be a major contributor to the cause... you CANNOT expect to live like an ass all of your fucking life and never have to pay the consequences later.... I can't even begin to tell you how many years of drugs (all varieties and types...crack, heroin, coke.. pills, you name it) alcohol, cigarettes etc... she has done…. it’s been 17 straight years OR MORE! Maybe I'm just a heartless bitch. I don't care anymore. I DONT FUCKING CARE!

So lets see... 3 kids, hubby, moving in 8 days and am not packed yet except for one room, my mother is dying of cancer, mother in law possibly going to start down the same path, car doesn't work, no vacation time left at work and have not been doing shit at work lately because I just can't focus... so fear being fired, kids that I have not had hardly any time to spend with because of every other demand... a husband who is miserable in his job and is never around, because of the hours he works, to help me. An apartment that is a fucking disaster because I am never home to take care of it… and no matter how many times I tell the girls they need to help me out… they just make more messes and don’t clean ANYTHING! I haven’t even paid my bills in probably 2 months… not because I can’t afford them… because I just have gotten to a point where I am overwhelmed and don’t want to do anything! I want to hide somewhere… lose my identity and live in a cabin in the woods somewhere. Fuck electricity! Fuck food! Fuck modern society! Fuck cars…family… friends… ALL OF IT!!

I feel like I am going to have a fucking breakdown…. All I wanted to do this morning was just stay in the car… sit there and cry… be alone… but no, I can’t do that. The responsible side of me knows that it is selfish because people are counting on me… so I come back a little from the edge of insanity and put one foot in front of the other to get through another day. Granted things always gradually get better… and I’m sure I will probably regret this rant tomorrow… but this rollercoaster ride is starting to really suck!! I swear to God I know this sounds stupid… but someone or something is trying to completely fuck with me. Things don’t just rain… they pour. When one thing goes wrong… they all do. Without fail. Then, they will get better for a while… and it’s like someone is laughing at me while they pull the rug from under my feet again. Like let’s see how many things we can throw at her at once this time before she loses it. LMAO.

lol, ok rant over. lol... I feel a bit better now. Sorry to dump all of this here... but I have no other outlet.
It's okay, do you feel better? It's very healthy to vent like this. Way better then bottling up.....but I hope things get better for you. Keep posting :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

ha ha ha ha.... better? Yeah right!! I haven't hit the bottom yet... then things may get better... or at least appear that way.

My oldest daughter just called me and advised me that my 5 year old son did not attend school again today because my mother-in-law... who is supposed to take him.... overslept again. This makes 4 times in the last 2 weeks. Guess I will have to do yet another thing that my inner voice has been telling me for a while but that I ignored because of what other people told me to do. I will have to put him in daycare in the mornings so he will at least be able to get to school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FYI... I did not ask her to.... nor did I want her to watch him in the first place... ever... nor do I want her anywhere NEAR me or my children. I HAVE NO FUCKING CONTROL OF MY OWN LIFE!
I'm sorry hun, I know how that goes.....I don't have children...but I know how it feels to have no control over your life what-so-ever.

If you ever need to talk I am here :hug:
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