Bringing up SI with a friend

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Viro, Sep 30, 2010.

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  1. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Long story short, I stopped a friend from hurting himself today. Should I bring this up with him tomorrow (we have a spare together)?

    I'm just hoping that someone can give me some advice on this. Obviously, it's a sensitive issue.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I would take the lead from him...see what he wants to talk about because you do not want to him compassion and positive regard...J
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Thank-you. I certainly do not want to sound accusatory. This is someone who I trust completely, and would not want to hurt under any circumstances.
  4. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I agree with Sadeyes, you should wait and see if he mentions it. But I assume you saw him today - what happened?

  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    We were surrounded by people during the spare, but we went out for lunch today. 30 degrees, and he's wearing a sweater. How did I not realize this before, especially being a member of this forum??? We didn't really have a conversation about it, dodged the issue, pretty much, but he did mention that he was getting help. I just hope that it's true, and he's not just telling me that so I'll feel better.
  6. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    If they dont want to talk, dont.

    i Know you are doing what you think is right but people have questioned me and i think i will stop when im ready, or talk when im ready.

    As long as you make it clear that you dont stereotype them as a self harmer and therefore suicidal/depressed/frustrated.. they could be doing if for 101 different reasons.
  7. chrs75

    chrs75 Well-Known Member

    I agree with Monoka

    let your friend bring up the situation himself, if he does then he'll probably feel more comfortable about talking to you, and will be less likely to lie about what he's been doing if he doesn't feel pressured.

    Also (if i've read your post correctly Adam) you didn't see the scars, just that he was wearing a jumper, so it may be that they are old scars but he still doesn't feel comfortable talking about it.
  8. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    Forgive me, I don't completely know your situation, but do you self injure at all?

    If so, I might let your friend know that you've struggled with similar things, and if he ever wants to talk you are open to that, but that you won't bring it up and of course won't tell anyone else.

    I had an awkward experience with a friend who saw scars and asked innocently what they were, before an awkward realization hit her. I basically made an excuse to run away immediately, but it really hurt our friendship. I felt in constant fear that she was goign to bring it up again (which she did not). I would have been terrified if she brought it up, but in retrospect, if she right away told me that she didn't judge me and that she wouldn't bring it up unless I told her I wanted to talk about it (or something like that), I think I would have felt a lot of relief. But the unresolved way it was left had me in a panic every time I saw her - thinking "maybe today is the day she'll bring it up! ahhh!"
  9. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I don't self-injure in the typical meaning of the word. We have had discussions about my eating disorder. I've repeatedly told him that I would not judge him for anything. In fact, he's pretty much the only person who survived my purging of friends.

    I probably should have explained it to him a bit more clearly. I would do it now, but bringing it up is a bad idea, I think, especially this far after it.

    And, especially considering everything that you said, alison. Thank you all for your help.
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