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Broke as fuck

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aegis2003, Jul 4, 2007.

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  1. Aegis2003

    Aegis2003 Active Member

    Hi people, I´m spanish so forgive me my poor english. I´m really broke. I used to have a life but now I have none. I´ve been visiting psychiatrists and psychologists since I was 16 (I´m 23) but I haven´t improved at all, I´m actually worse. 9 out of 10 of my thoughts are suicidal, and I spend my day looking for a method or a companion to kill myself. Or at least someone who simply encourages me to do so. I have absolutely no life whatsoever: no girl, no hobbies, almost no friends and my social skills have mysteriously disappeared.I can´t even go to the university because of my social fobia. I fear that I will never be able to kill myself and that makes me feel so bad, because I NeED AN EXIT to this situation. I just....my english is just not good enough to express all that I feel. In fact, I´m unable to express this in any language whatsoever. I´m sitting around waiting until I put together my forces to free myself once and for all.
  2. 123sad

    123sad New Member

    r u still online?
  3. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member


    Wanna PM me and tell me more about how you feel..? You English isn't poor at all. I think you are doubting yourself too much. Come on, whats making you feeling so bad..? Wanna talk about it..?
  4. Aegis2003

    Aegis2003 Active Member

    It is true that I doubt myself. But I have my reasons to do so, I lose everything I care about. At the age of 16, I had an obsession about being funny towards people. The thought was so persistent, and the pressure such, that i withdrew from all my friends. 6 years later,after some ups and downs I was given a very powerful medication (sold as Orap in Spain, don´t ever let your doctor medicate you with this crap) that destroyed my intelectual capabilities. I used to be a thoughtful person, who was constantly debating metaphisical matters with others or within myself. And now there is only emptiness inside my mind.
  5. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    Sorry that your medication cause you all these problems. I didn't know that the med you were given can cause such damages. I am sure you can go on with life. You sound like a very intelligent person to me. I am 23 too and even though I do face similar problems I realize after years and years of battling with myself I am able to fight it to a certain extend and tell myself I can't just let others put me down like that.

    I know I think of suicide and negative thoughts like that a lot but then again I also try fighting it all the time. Honestly, I have to say I am socially awkward too and its obvious in front of my friends and other people but then I know I can't let it weaken me like that. I know I would've been more sociable and a better person if its not for my past. I can tell that you are capable of so much more, I am sure you can get into a university and the only thing stopping you is your social phobia.

    If seeing a psychiatrist doesn't help, maybe you shouldn't. Why not confide in other people who can listen and talk to you instead e.g in SF..? I was prescribed with some med too in the past and I refuse to take it after some time coz I find it useless and so I quit and decided to help myself and I have to admit its much tougher than I thought but then I do not want to give up so easily. I hope you can think this way too. Did you receive my PM..? Wanna talk more about this..?

    I hope what I said here makes sense to you, since we are all here to help ourselves. Forgive me if I did offended you in any way I am unaware of, but then I really look forward to hear from you again..
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear Aegis,I'm sorry you're feeling the way you're I was on Orap several year's ago to treat my problem with Body Dysmorphic disorder I think my pdoc said here in australia they've withdrawn this medication.if you would like to talk I'm here to listen and I do know how you feel.
  7. run4fun

    run4fun Well-Known Member

    sorry, to hear about your medical problem. another thread mentioned that clinically depressed people have trouble meeting women. not only because depression is unattractive, but also because depression has negative thought process. it seems to me that you need help. i usuallly read when i have a problem. i was interested in women but i'm stuck working everyday because of my father's strictness. all answers i have found in books. i studied self defense, business management, human communication, human relations, etc. you should seek professional help whether it be in person or through books. i find that books are a better medium to reach foremost experts at a reduced expense. no one makes it alone. find help somewhere.
  8. Aegis2003

    Aegis2003 Active Member

    Thanks guys for posting.
  9. Old_Man_Kensey

    Old_Man_Kensey Well-Known Member

    c'mon man, i know you re in deep shit right now but you re too young to give up...Being 23 means that you have the physical strength to do 2 or even 3 jobs during the week and earn some money plus the time to learn the job...I mean what if u were 50 and were made redundant ?I do sympathise but i have faith that anyone like you can make it...

    Deep breaths and one step at a time so that it don t gets overwhelming.
    If you could fix ONE thing what would that be?When you find the answear focus on your next move.
    I hope your future posts are of good news
  10. Aegis2003

    Aegis2003 Active Member

    If I could fix one thing it would be giving myself the capability to speak spontaneously and naturally like before. Only with that, I´d live in peace.
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