broke, futureless and alone.

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My parents spent all their money on my 2 sisters and granted them a good future, now they told me they could no longer support my studies and we're all clueless as to what I'm supposed to do.
I'm turning 20 on the 19th of this month, what's to fucking celebrate? lol. my situation is so bad it makes me laugh at my pathetic existence.
we've just been ripped off when we bought a used car that turned out to be quite shitty and would need a lot of repairs to run properly again. why did they sell the modest baby we had to begin with? I was really attached to our previous car. at least I was kind of useful in the household as a "chauffeur" driving my parents to work, now I'm a useless mouth to feed.
I'm awkward as fuck and secretly hated by almost everyone I know, I know a fake smile when I see one.
Shame really, I speak multiple languages, quite good in computer sciences, good with cars but nobody's hiring and all my skills are wasted in a self destructive pattern.
There's not much anyone can do for me here, but it's good to vent and tell everyone who has a chance at a good future and a stable financial life to give it a shot and hit the future upfront with your forehead.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi Sklar lots of people in your place right now looking for jobs being laid off so don't feel bad okay. It is not you it is the economy keep putting out those resumes okay you will find something it takes lots of work and time so don't give up yet. nice to have you here hugs
hey I think that if people really hated you they wouldn't even bother faking a smile

I think that if you are negative about how people react to you, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

I think that if you can get better and be in a positive social situation, you can change the way you relate to people

so I think that you have a lot going for you. if you can get out of the self-destructive pattern, become healthier, the job issues would work out

I hope that things can get better soon.


Well-Known Member
Sylar, sorry to see your still down - and as for used cars - you really need someone, a family friend who knows cars, to examine them. You can hire a mechanic to give it a once over also. Maybe you got some comeback on a guarantee or something? Has anyone tried getting back in touch with the person who sold it to you? Maybe threaten to make some official complaint or something.

As for fake smiles - when you are down, that is how it seems. People have to have a real good reason to hate someone - does not matter were you live or who you are. To hate someone takes history - or some incident. You say you feel 'awkward' and maybe this is more than being down and some depression. That makes us see a fake world if we let it go on long enough.

The 'fake' smiles you might see might be people who are just being cheerful. Most people when they meet someone, smile naturally. Of course, we are often feeling sad inside, in fact you might see someone with a 'fake' smile who is just bereaved from a loved one.

If you were feeling a little bit better in yourself - its likely you too would smile at others. A smile is a non threatening facial gesture which we often put on subconsciously. I know a lot of old people and always smile when I meet them or if I pass one I don't know that well.

Likewise if I pass a gathering of youth - and they are close enough, I'll generally smile.

Sometimes its natural - certain people I'm happy to see. That said, its always in the eyes - a smile is easy to fake but someone's eye's, that's the classic window to the soul.

People smiling at you - some might be 'fake' in that they do not feel happy - but because they have made the effort it says a lot.

They are just trying to be pleasant - and if you walk across the UK - you'll pass a million strangers who would say 'hello' and smile at you.

As for yourself - maybe your home life is not the best - but you can get more qualifications and the ones you have make you stand out as a unique person, very capable and lacking ONE thing which would launch her into the commercial market - that is confidence in yourself!

You say nobody is hiring - but what you need is that confidence in yourself and maybe a jump start in the way of some help if you think that your suffering from depression.

You are an amazing person - you dismiss yourself as almost a failure but if you feel OK in yourself and more positive - you will be able to send off hundreds of CVs until you find something that might be able to offer you the chance to feel like you are giving something back to the world.

If you were my daughter - I'd be proud as hell. Multiple languages! Computer sciences! Don't put yourself down - there are many who will do that for us - especially for you, so you have to make sure you able to cope with that.

With so much to offer - all you need is get some help and maybe get well. I'm positive that once you simply email those CVs off by the hundreds if needs be - you will find a job that needs your skills, but more importantly, your proven track record at learning languages makes you a natural to pick up many other skills.

What is it you would actually like to do?

And would you do a little voluntary work in the meantime perhaps?

Hope you can ease your mind a little and realise your frustrated by not getting work but just have to hang on in there and not lose faith in yourself. Study other things in the meantime as you have a capability for learning which is amazing whether you want to hear that or not.

Its hard to think of a career you could not do. Cop, forensics, medicine, psychiatry, counselling, teacher, work in the computer industry, work in the military, work in a myriad of government departments, or in the private sector.

I'm sure this is just your glitch years before you finally have the chance to be your own person, have your own home, a career, a car that is not second hand perhaps! And you have love waiting there also - somewhere, and maybe even the magic of motherhood at some point.

There is so much possibility for you that one will work out right for you.

Life gets better for people like you as you get older.
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