broke my knuckles, on purpose and feeling guilty

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by curtis, Aug 21, 2016.

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  1. curtis

    curtis Active Member

    so two days ago I had a bit of a rough time with my family and I really wanted to cut or burn myself really badly, but I promised my girlfriend I wouldn't ever do that again so instead I went outside and punched a brick wall until my knuckles broke and began bleeding. once I realised that my knuckles were broken I went to the A+E to get them checked. It was at that moment my girlfriend called me and asked where I was and I couldn't lie so I said in hospital she asked why I said because I broke my knuckles she instantly said I'm coming up and hung up the phone, after waiting for an hour she arrived and ran at hugging me harder than she ever has before and she was crying a lot, she asked if I had hit someone cuz there was a lot of blood I said no just hit a wall.

    I cant lie I enjoyed her being there it made the pain go away but I later found out she was suppose to be in work an hour ago and that she would be nearly 2 hours late to work I freaked out and felt really guilty that she would get into a lot of shit for this. she obviously said that she would rather be with me to make sure I'm okay rather than at work. I still feel really guilty about it and she made me promise never to punch a wall again so I did and she then left to go to work.

    I'm not sure if this is self harm or not, I did intentionally want to injure myself so I guess it is that breaks my 2 week streak of no self harm. sorry if this was a bit of a ramble but I just needed to get it off of my chest somehow.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Yes I think this counts a self harm.
  3. curtis

    curtis Active Member

    yea thought so
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, you sure are going through a lot. Your girlfriend missing work to be with you says it all. People DO care and are willing to help you no matter what. Yes this was an intentional injury so yes this is self harm. I hope you get the proper treatment and counselling that you need. You're very brave to share your story with us. We do care, even about a stranger. I am sorry you felt so low to have to self injure but try and move on from it and keep it in the past :)
    curtis likes this.
  5. curtis

    curtis Active Member

    thank you this made me feel a bit better petal
    Norman123 and Petal like this.
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