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Broke no contact /:

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by srhx, Aug 21, 2016.

  1. srhx

    srhx Member

    So it's been about a week and a half since I last talked to my ex. He messaged me and I was mad about the way he's been acting towards me lately so we argued and ended up not speaking until tonight. He liked a picture I posted of myself on Instagram earlier today almost immediately after I posted it and I couldn't stop thinking about him after that so I cracked and sent him a message about an hour ago just saying hi and asked if he was doing well. He replied and we had a normal conversation for all of about five minutes before he went back to blowing me off. I was so proud of myself for going as long as I did and now I feel awful again. I'm trying to be friends like he says he wants but he gives me nothing in return. I hate that I can't just let go of it, especially since I am fully aware that he isn't putting any effort into things. I'm still in love with him so it's hard enough on me as it is. I know it's better for me if we aren't "friends" and it's better if I stop trying but like I said, it's so hard for me to let go. I know I'm setting myself up to feel bad but my heart keeps telling me to keep trying. /:
  2. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    Hi srhx, I am Mox

    I hope you are not too hard on yourself for contacting your ex-love. It is very obvious that you have very strong feelings for this person. But I think you are heading in the right direction; sometimes our hearts don't want to listen, to our brains. I hate to hear the pain you are going through. Ending a relationship is never an easy thing.

    Have you thought about seeing a counselor; to help you through this tough time you are having?

    Have you thought about maybe keeping a journal and getting all of your emotions out of your head and onto a piece of paper. Sometimes the emotions make more sense or become more manageable.

    Feel free to PM/IM me anytime if you would like to chat or discuss your issues in private.

    Take Care
  3. heydad75

    heydad75 Member

    I agree with moxman. It is hard to end any relationship. Especially when you remember the past times. Are you seeking counseling to talk to anyone through this time? Are there any other people/relatives/friends that you can reach out to for help as well?
  4. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Staff Member Safety & Support

    Don't be hard on yourself, just dust it off and start over the no contact. It is truly hard to do, but with time it gets easier. You can try for two week this time, which hopefully will pass by and lead into three etc.
    Some of us on here are in this same boat, so feel free to message any time, or others IRL if you have friends around when the urge arises. Or maybe send an email to yourself, like a running thread of things you want to say to him.
  5. srhx

    srhx Member

    I don't, unfortunately. I spoke to my brother about it last night and he just said the typical "he's an asshole" and that's obviously not what I want to hear right now. I started my fall semester this week and it has helped keep my mind off it, even though it's only a few hours. I finally deleted him off of Snapchat last night because it makes me feel worse any time I see that he's out doing things and basically acting like I never happened. I can't go 100% no contact yet because he still has a few of my things with him that I couldn't pack and Facebook is the only way I can contact him because he doesn't have a phone for while he's in the states. He used to but last I heard he dropped it or something like that. I've already mentioned it twice now that I want them back (they were birthday presents that he got me while he was away on deployment so they're special to me) and he said he'll send them when he can find a big enough box. That was a month ago. It's only prolonging my healing because I know it's going to hurt when I do eventually get them. I feel like he's doing it to keep me holding on somewhat, because he knows once he gives them back to me, I'll have no other reason to be in contact with him. I mean, how hard is it to find a large box??

    I was doing okay up until now and I'm missing him so much. My self-esteem is shot and I don't feel like I'm enough for anyone. My family doesn't know what to say to me anymore and I don't have friends here so I'm pretty much on my own, which is why I come here. It's so much deeper than just "oh, he broke up with me." We were planning a wedding for next year. This was someone I wanted to spend my life with, which I never thought I'd find. Now it's like we don't exist to each other. I can't cope with being without him.

    Anyway, sorry for the rant. Like I said, it's been a bad day for me with all of this.
  6. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    I think your right. He is definitely using them against you, for whatever reason. It seems almost like he is playing a game with you. He is using the gifts as leverage against you, to make you contact him. Is this a game you really want to play?

    I understand you want the gifts because of sentimental value. But I also feel like when you if/do get them, they are just going to hurt you very badly. I would be a fool to say I understood everything you are going through because I don't. I just know you are hurting a tremendous amount and I would never wish that on anyone. I just know from past experiences in my own life being in a similar situation, that what I got what I asked for it just hurt me all over again.

    Hush that talk; that is what we are here for. I personally think you "ranting" is a healthy way for you to express how you feel and why you feel. I know from past experiences that holding everything in, only hurts you more in the long run. So by all means rant and rave all you want. No one will ever judge you, or make fun of you. We want to help you, and if giving you a place to rant is the best way we can help you ; that is fine.

    I personally think you are going to be fine in the long run. You are going to have your good days and your bad days; that is fine you my friend are not a robot. Over time you will start having more good days and fewer and fewer bad days; your heart has been broken. That takes a long time to heal. Just have faith in yourself that you are stronger than this. You're back in school and you are resuming your life. I know right now you are in a world of pain, and you have a lot of conflicting emotions about the whole thing. But over time they will sort themselves out.

    I wish you the best.

    Take Care