I am broken and can not be fixed I look in the mirror and all the pieces are broke the are fat and ugly and distored they are me. Why I ask what did I do to deserve all of this. I dont deserve to be here on this earth my kids dont need me they need some who can take care of them and not be self absorbed like I am. They need a mom that can take care of them and not hide under all the blubber that is here. I am trapped there is know whare to go. I prey to God all the time to fix me to make me better to take me out of this ugly body that is not the real me, I am trapped way down deep there is a pretty person there that wants to come out she is skinny and not fat she is great mother she can take care of her self and keep her husbend happy and at home she is all of the things that I am not. She screams to get out of my ugly fat self she wants to win but I am suffcating her. I want to die so that she can live free. But no I dont have the balls enough to do it to die. It scares the Hell out of me. But I want what is best for my kids and I want my husbend to be happy so that he can go and be with some one who dont need him to do every thing for her some that can be a real wife to him not this sick and meangless person that I am. He deserves a wife to give him a bath not him giving it to her a wife that can cook a hot meal for him not him for her or my nurse she does it all now the cooking the cleaning taking care of my kids. So again I ask my self what I have done to deserve all of this what I have done to God for him to be so crule to me. April the 4th is coming around again very soon I prey that this year God will answer my preyers and take me with my baby to heaven and let me be in peace and let the rest of my family be in peace and live a happy life.