broken dreams

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by victor, Nov 12, 2010.

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  1. victor

    victor Account Closed

    hey there.. dunno if anyones gonna read this, plus i do understand that nobody cares, but ive no one to talk, and im in such a pain i cant bear it anymore. well, to start off, my name is Vitas, im 25, bubbly, outgoing, quite good looking and lively person. well, thats what ive use to be:( never really been happy, but was trying and hoping, going out, comunicating with ppl.. all i ever wanted was to create a family and to find that ONE, the woman id love and adore forever. and ive met her! oh, how happy i was. in no time, Amina became my everything. i had relationships before but nothing got even close to what i feel for her. i knew she was the one rightaway, it was so overhelming, shes my live, my love, my dream come true, my absolutely everything.. she tought me what it means to love and to be happy... and here we go, now we r on the very edge of breaking up, shes gonna give me the final answer next friday. ive already went thru hell coz last couple of weeks she didnt speak to me, and today all she said is that she needs a week more, but im sure i already know the answer. and its NO. its a long story why this is happening, but its non of our fault, its bout her parents and different culture. im ready to do anything and to change everything for her, but its too big challenge for Amina. we both love each other, i know she does, but maybe not as strong as i do.. so here i am now, if she leaves me, im facing my life alone, suffering, praying that one day she'll come back.. im not that strong, id rather die. i never had such feelings what i feel for her, and i know its true and eternal and i will never be able to forget her or be with somebody else. i wish i could just kill myself, but its not fair on Amina if i do. on the other hand, theres no way i can face a life without her. im only 25, stil long way to go before i die, n im just not strong enough to live without my baby, i dont even want to be. dunno what m gonna do.. i know that nobody can help me, but anyways, i feel a bit better after saying all this and if anyone will read it, thank u
     
  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Hi
    I hope Amina finds the strength to answer "yes".
     
  3. victor

    victor Account Closed

    hi there. thank u very much for ur nice words. oh, if only she would, id make her the happiest girl on this earth, n she knows that. but... :(
     
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You have no idea of what could happen five years down the line. This is my story and I promise you it's true.
    I met the love of my life when I was 14 and he was 16. I fell passionately in love, he liked me as a friend. We got on really well and could talk for hours, liked all the same stuff etc but he wasn't interested in anything more than friendship.
    So! I give up and we lost touch, I meet someone else and marry him. I thought I might as well settle for second best. (I was very young!) Disaster of a marriage and we split up after 7 years of trying to give it a go.
    Guess who came back into my life at that point? (Well okay, guess who I contacted again at that point) Seven years had changed us both but this time the love was on both sides. We've been together for 22 years now and I love him even more.
    So even if Amina can't handle it now, don't rule out that she might be able to in the future. If she can, then you'll need to be there. Sending hugs. x
     
  5. victor

    victor Account Closed

    thank u very much. but that the worst thing:( waiting, praying.. and if she'll never come back?? how to find the strenght in this unknown???
     
  6. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Isn't everything unknown really? We don't know what will happen tomorrow, we don't know if something will happen that will change the world. There's the old joke "How do you make God laugh? - Tell him your plans"

    She may never come back ...or she might come back. It's up to you which one of those you focus on. If she does come back, what do you want her to find? That you never gave up on her? That you waited patiently? That you built a life to share with her if she came back to you?
    Sending you lots of hugs, try to have some faith. x
     
  7. victor

    victor Account Closed

    u made me cry so much now.. thats exactly what im thinkin, n trying to find faith. she wants to leave me coz her parents is pushing her very hard to marry the other guy, hes from her country, same religion, he has everything, and hes a nice person. with me, we'd have to start from zero. i understand how she feels. but now, if she leaves me, and i commit my life to wait for her, its the same as to pray that her marriage will fail and she'll be unhappy. its so unfair on everyone. and i cant just let go. its gonna stay with me forever, either way. n if its not our way, ill be suffering forever. seriously, i so wish i could just die and end this pay, i cant take it anymore, i cant face it:( been never going to the church before, but now m going every day, i kneel there n cry and beg God to help me, to stop this pain. but it doesnt stop. and it never will if she leaves me. m not that strong for all this, at all:(
     
  8. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I do understand your pain and how bad it is but you're getting upset over things that haven't actually happened yet. Think about some things here:
    If she decides to leave, then she has made her choice and there's nothing you can do about it. Would you really want her to stay with you if she didn't want to? If you want her to be happy, then you'll support her decision whichever way she goes.
    Now, say she goes and marries someone else. How is she going to feel if you die as a result? Do you not think that would put her, her husband and their marriage under a lot of pressure? Do they deserve that? Shouldn't she be allowed to be happy?
    Say she goes and you decide to commit your life to her. (Although not in a 'stalky' way obviously, that would be scary and also illegal). That doesn't mean that you're praying her marriage will fail. Or that she'll be unhappy. It means that you've made a decision not to see anyone else and that's your choice. It doesn't concern anyone else and certainly doesn't concern Amina.
    You say that you can't let go. Well, at the moment you can't let go, ten years down the line it might be a bit easier. I don't mean to sound trite but this is one of the things that you're worrying about which hasn't actually happened yet. You don't know that you'll never be able to let go. You haven't been there yet.
    If you can find some comfort and solace in church, then go there as often as you need to. When I said, have a bit of faith, I actually meant in yourself. You're stronger than you think you are. You must be, you know how to love and that takes a strong person. People who know how to love, also learn how to let go when it's necessary to do so. You can learn that too if you have too.
    One day at a time, you'll get there xx
     
  9. Nox Immortalis

    Nox Immortalis Well-Known Member

    yo Vitas! I know what it is to be in love beyond a shadow of a doubt... and I've seen what it's like for him when he has to talk me out of suicide. We can't be together either... it's long distance, we're very young, and he's not allowed to date. But if he ever said No to me, I'd stay alive because he would want me too, and he'd wonder for all eternity if it was his fault that I'd committed suicide after he left me. If you can't do this for you, do it for her and the people that truly do care about you.
     
  10. victor

    victor Account Closed

    u know, im in this pain and agony not becouse of the fact she wants to leave me - no! if she'd tell me that she loves him and shes happy with him, id be happy for her! it would be hard, but id tell myself, yes - ive met a very special person, but not the ONE for me. oh, that would be easy. but the thing is, she loves me, n she wishes she could be with me, but shes not strong enough to fight in these circumstances. and thats why im suffering: if she choses him, and i let go, n we cut all the connections, one day we can both realise we made the biggest mistake of our lives! but if she choses him and i dont let go, im facing years of hell in front of me. suicide? even if id do it, id do it in a way that she would never know. her happiness is my main priority. but i dont wanna do that:( thats why im seeking for help here. thank u so much for talkin to me, u have no clue how much it means to me right now. i want her to be happy.. me, if i cant have her, i dont want to be happy (i wish if i could,but i cant) - i could live without being happy, but all i want is not to feel this pain forever - now thats smth i cant imagine myself living with:(
     
  11. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You're not going to feel the pain forever. I can promise you that. Sometimes we lose the ones we love and it feels like the world has ended. I lost two babies to miscarriage and there isn't a day that I don't think of them, even though it happened over 20 years ago. The pain fades though and its replaced by sadness and acceptance.
    There are hundreds of trite sayings like 'time is a great healer' and 'its better to have loved and lost...' which don't really mean anything whilst you're going through the pain. It's not until later that you realise the truth of them.
    You won't be facing a life of pain forever, hold onto that. You can get through this, like I said, you're a strong person. xxx
     
  12. victor

    victor Account Closed

    im so sorry to hear what happened to u;( but why r u so kind, and why r u helping me??? u dont even know me.. and ur words r full of wisdom, u mustve gone tru so much. thank u so much, i could never expect to get such a support from a person i dont even know.. it means a lot to me in this darkest stage of my life
     
  13. victor

    victor Account Closed

    this site helped me so much today. the pain is the same, but im trying to change the perception. she was not talking to me for like 2 weeks. shes in Egypt and im in Uk. all this time i knew her parents r pushing her to be with him, and shes meeting him everyday, n trying to get to know him. its so hard and painfull.. last nite she txted me its over and this morning when i read that txt, i kept calling her n she just wouldnt pick up. i couldnt believe how can she be that cruel to me, but i understood shes doing that coz shes not strong, shes trying to get me angry and leave her, so she wouldnt need to leave me. i txted her 'baby, if u dont love me and u want to be with him, just pick up n tell me that, and ill understand'. but she cant tell me that, coz she does love me. so she asked for one more week. but im quite sure she wont go against her parents and the common sence, shes not that strong.
     
  14. victor

    victor Account Closed

    but u know, now, after reading what u said i found some strenght and i texted her again. i said 'baby, search ur heart, and ask urself if u love me. if the answer is strong 'yes', then fuck that guy, no matter how much ur parents likes him, its stil ur choice. and if u dont love me, or ur in the doubt, go with him but dont cut the connection, lets stay real and true friends for life, and seeing u happy with him will help me to move on and search for new horizons. and if one day smth goes wrong, we can always get back together. but i hope ull stay where u belong, with ur penguin. luv u:)'. i txted her that, n it took so much out of me to do it:( but she didnt reply. thats my last chance not to lose her completely. and its true tho, if ill see her happily married, i will let go n live my life. but what if she'll refuse and just leave me in unknown? im so afraid of that now
     
  15. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You're worrying about something that hasn't happened again. Wait and see. There could be many reasons why she hasn't texted you back. Her parents may have refused to allow her to. She might be trying to be strong and cut the tie completely in the belief that its the best thing to do. (Some people think that)
    It's out of your control now so you have to concentrate on what is in your control.
    Look at how far you've come in just one night. You're looking at things differently, you're seeing other options, you're realising that you can move on.
    You've made tremendous strides and you should be very proud. It will take a while yet but you will get there. I keep telling you, you're a strong person.
    As to why I'm helping you? Why wouldn't I help you? You're a fellow human being and I couldn't turn my back on anyone in pain. I was brought up to believe that we should always help each other no matter how small the action may be. Sometimes the kindness of strangers has been the only thing that has helped me.
    Stay strong! xxxx
     
  16. victor

    victor Account Closed

    but it is in my control somehow. 2weeks ago, when she dumped me by txt, saying 'unfortunately we cant be together, be happy, my penguin'. i got angry and replied 'dont call me a penguin, i hate penguins. pls never try to contact me again', i said that, coz i was so upset by the fact she wouldnt even call me or pick up my call n just leave me by txt. i thought it was over. but next morning, then this pain hit me, i was going crazy, didnt know what to do, so for the first time in like 10yrs i went to the church, n been crying and praying, and the God gave me strenght, so i started txting her sweet things, our future plans, reminding her everything n it worked, she appologized, and i appologised, and she said she needed time on her own to think n decide. it was a miracle to me. but ever since she kept postponing it n last nite she tried to dump me again. with any other girl i wouldve forggoten all this long gone. but not this time. coz i believe its real. i want to live for her, i want to become a better person for her, i want to try hard every day for the rest of my life just to make her smile. its smth ive never experienced in my life before, and i had my experiences.
     
  17. victor

    victor Account Closed

    N thats what im trying to say. if i wouldnt have been strong enough two weeks ago, she would be gone out of my life forever by now. so it is in my control somehow. but how to be that strong to fight for both of us, when shes not even talking??? im just a human:(
     
  18. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You have no control over her or over what she does. What made you think you did? You can't force someone to love you. You can't take on her feelings and emotions as well as your own. You can only do things for yourself.
    If it's meant to be, then it will happen. If it's not meant to be then it means that there are other things in life in store for you.
    Have you thought that you might be placing her under a lot of stress? You need to step back. The pair of you need some space and I'm sorry if that hurts you but its what you need to do. xxx
     
  19. victor

    victor Account Closed

    hey there, good morning:) and nooooo, thats not correct at all, perhaps i expressed myself wrong. of course ive no control over her feelings, i dont even want to. and if she makes a decidion to be with him after searcing her heart and soul, then its o.k, as i said, ill realise ive met a very special person, but not that ONE. but what im afraid of is that she might be making this decidion against her feeling, coz shes not that strong to fight. and thats what hurts so much. and thats where i have some control over things happening. if ill just leave her alone, she'll definetly use her common sence and not her heart. and if im strong enough to chase her and show her how much im fighting for us, she might go for her feelings. im not trying to make herfeel sorry for me or anything, i just want her to make a desidion with her heart (whatever desidion it is) so we wont need to wonder, wether that was a mistake. coz if u go against ur feelings, then u can find urself in even more pain. however, shall wait and see, but im quite sure its not gonna be 'yes' to us:( i just need to learn to deal with this, and lear to understand the conciquences of any further steps i might take, and learn to deal with this pain. but u made me realise last nite that its not about the pain, theres no way to stop it, but its about perception. coz today even tho im in exactly the same situation, i feel a little bit better, coz somehow i can see that even if she says no, world doesnt end there, and theres stil options for me left, which not nessecery means either life of suffering or killing myself. im so glad i found help here. theres stil a hell of a lot to go thru, but if keeping it all inside, i think i might be able to make it
     
  20. victor

    victor Account Closed

    I made i mistake, i meant if NOT keeping it all inside. its amazing, how much it helps when u talk to somebody
     
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