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Broken heart - Trying to get him back

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#81
You're going through a really hard time and I'm so sorry that this is happening. All these thoughts, all these speculations must be so painful for you, my heart goes out to you. I get it, you can't help who you fall in love with, and on the flip side of the coin you can't really make someone love you either. Falling for someone whose feelings are not reciprocated is obviously heart-rendering. Stepping back and letting it pass is easier said than done I guess, but maybe ask yourself one question, what is more important, - being in love with someone who does not have the same level of intensity, or finding someone who does. That was just a thought that popped into my mind, but whatever happens, I wish the best for you.
Thank you for your words, wishes and emphaty.
I know that the obvious is letting it go but... I can't. I don't want to be with someone I love less than him and... I can't stop loving him. And we were a good team, we were perfect to each other and...I feel that if he hadn't moved to another city we would have a chance (well, he told me, and aded that we can talk about us when he is back but...when is this? I don't know, he may know it or not). I need that second opportunity because I have that feeling that we could make it this time. This is why I'm keep going. I had been in love other times and I wasn't so broken, with this feeling of "this shouldn't be like this". I can't explain... I need him to see me. Our connection is still there, the sparkle, tha attraction even if we didn't see each other in a year. We talked about it. He even said that whatever it happened between us when we met (a meeting which ended up not happening) it wouldn't mean it was the last thing, that we'll always have the chance of having more.
I believe in us and... I need that chance. I am aware that he is not crying for me, I know that he has his feelings for me "sleeping" or something like that. But... I need to try. I need him... I know that I'm stubborn with this but I know how he is, and I can't stand not having anything with him never more.
 

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
#82
Yeah, I hear you, making that "connection" which can be so elusive. There is always the possibilty of that second chance it seems, as the outcome of this has not been sealed. Maybe as a thought, he may be acting this way as the distance between the two of you is painful for him as well and so he's doing this as a form of "protective mechanism?"
Whatever happens, just keep going...
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#83
Yeah, I hear you, making that "connection" which can be so elusive. There is always the possibilty of that second chance it seems, as the outcome of this has not been sealed. Maybe as a thought, he may be acting this way as the distance between the two of you is painful for him as well and so he's doing this as a form of "protective mechanism?"
Whatever happens, just keep going...
I think that sometimes, it may be the reason he didn't want to meet in person. Before he moved, we lived in different cities too, but near (one hour and a half by train) and he hated distance and said that we didn't have "couple life" because of that... So, now that he lives across the country... But he said that he won't be there forever, only a fw months. Now I live part time in his other city, his hometown. I just started studying there at the same time he moved away. It is painful being in that city because everyting reminds me to him. But I want to tell him how I feel (and my therapist agrees, she said that it is neccessary) and try to ask for another chance. But this thing of "not initiating until he does" is killing me because I can't feel how is his way of treating me and I imagine the worst. Furthermore, I don't want to appear out of the blue in a month saying "hey, it's been like six weeks but I love you, can I get you back?". I want to text a few more times before, for me (knowing how he reacts to me, if anything has changed) and for "preparing the field" before telling him. But my worse fears attack me and I cry all the time worrie, wondering if he me another girl... This is why I asked my therapist an earlier appointment (she said yes, but the day will be confirmed next week), for changing the "plan" if she agrees
 

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
#84
It's hard, but the thing to try to mantain your focus on is your appointment next week and outlining your thinking behind changing your plans. At the moment, I guess it's trying to have the courage to change the things which are in your control (ie your appointment and developing a plan B) and to have the strength to cope with the things which are not in your control.

Best of luck with your appointment.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#85
It's hard, but the thing to try to mantain your focus on is your appointment next week and outlining your thinking behind changing your plans. At the moment, I guess it's trying to have the courage to change the things which are in your control (ie your appointment and developing a plan B) and to have the strength to cope with the things which are not in your control.

Best of luck with your appointment.
Thank you. I am broken these days and my mind is out of control just because these things I can't control...They freak me out. You are right but it's very difficult when I care sooo much
 

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
#86
Yeah I can sympathise with you on how nerve wracking it is to be caught up in situations which are not really in your control to influence the outcome. It's difficult, and I hope you can get through it.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#87
Yeah I can sympathise with you on how nerve wracking it is to be caught up in situations which are not really in your control to influence the outcome. It's difficult, and I hope you can get through it.
Thank you. Btw, he just text me, I'm surprised but it feels good for a while...

I hope I can get through this. Thank you again
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#89
He texted you!!??? All good I hope, and may that good feeling you have lasts.:)
Not really, now I'm feeling guilty for answering fast...just in minutes and not hours how I should. But...you saw how I was being this night. I was desperate, crying, worse than ever... Now I regret answering fast, I should have made him wait...I failed. But I was so anxious... And now I have to wait until he texts back. I just...I just thought that he may be willing to talk (he asked me how was my life in his city going, if I'm going to see a movie next week, he told me that evry time he watches our favorite show it's imposible not remember me...) and I wanted to take the chance... My bad, probably. I hope he texts me back tonight...I need it to not feel that I've screw up everything for being anxious
 

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
#91
Just hang in there, he DID text you so that's a positive thing to hold on to. Give it time and he will reply
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#92
Just hang in there, he DID text you so that's a positive thing to hold on to. Give it time and he will reply
Thank you, I'll try. But I feel stupid for answering in minutes and not getting another text back. My therapist told me to wait always, and even before that, I used to, a few hours, last time even a day. But this time I was so anxious... And who knows when will he reply. As I told, sometimes he replayed in minutes, others the following day and anothers a week, like this time. And waiting is a nightmare because I can't stop imagining things...
I wish he texted today. I have a party and I'm not feeling like going, I will go, obviously, but I don't want to be sad and about to cry the whole time
 

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
#93
What's done is done regarding the fact that you texted back so quickly. There were mitigating circumstances in terms of the way you were feeling.
When you go to the party, just as like you did with the other gathering you went to, try to loose yourself in the moment, to try to give yourself some respite.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#94
What's done is done regarding the fact that you texted back so quickly. There were mitigating circumstances in terms of the way you were feeling.
When you go to the party, just as like you did with the other gathering you went to, try to loose yourself in the moment, to try to give yourself some respite.
I will try but it's difficult. I can't control my thoughts and fears... I really need to change the plan, text him a few times and then...tell him everything and wait. I'm trying to think how to increase my possibilities but with distance is impossible. But I need to... So when I go to my therapist next week, I will explain her that my fears are controlling me. The idea is that not texting first, I could have the control, butit's the opposite: I feel more desperate than ever.
Now I'm going to spend all the afternoon and evening crying, probably, in order to take all the possible out before the party. But it's hard and I know that I'm not going to enjoy because I'm worried and anxious,
I miss him so much, I miss going out any weekend night and tell him what happened when I was back, I miss him and all our things and thinking that he doesn't is killing me
 

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
#95
Maybe write down how you can increase your possibilities, so you can discuss this as well as how your fears are controlling you, and what you would like to do or think what type of plan could work with your therapist. Talking it through with your therapist will hopefully enable you to come up with an alternative plan. So perhaps try to see things as a small positive in that you may together come up with a plan that could slightly assuage your fears.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#96
Maybe write down how you can increase your possibilities, so you can discuss this as well as how your fears are controlling you, and what you would like to do or think what type of plan could work with your therapist. Talking it through with your therapist will hopefully enable you to come up with an alternative plan. So perhaps try to see things as a small positive in that you may together come up with a plan that could slightly assuage your fears.
Yes, this is what I want to do. But I am afraid of time, I feel that evey day which passes, more impossible is my fight. And this is killing me, this is why I'm getting worse and worse each day
 

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
#97
Just try to hang in there if you can. You got your appointment with your therapist moved forward to next weeks so maybe in that respect see that as time saved?
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
#98
Just try to hang in there if you can. You got your appointment with your therapist moved forward to next weeks so maybe in that respect see that as time saved?
Maybe, but I don't know if it is already late... This is killing me. I've never feel so desperate...
I wish he answered me before the party, I wouldn't respond until tomorrow but I would feel batter knowing that he responded... But he won't
 

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
#99
Never say never, he may even respond during the party.
But at the moment you don't know if its too late so you can't rule anything out yet.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
Never say never, he may even respond during the party.
But at the moment you don't know if its too late so you can't rule anything out yet.
I hope... Thank you very much for being there always. I need a miracle, I wish nothing more... I want to be here in other way, not being this stubborn stupid girl crying and worrying 24/7
 

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