Well, I guess it's fair I told this. Last night we talked. It started because he have asked for my pictures lately and las Wednesday I asked him if he still wanted. He was super happy and said that yes and I sent him one out of four (he knew how much they were). He didn't answer. He NEVER left one of my pics without response. So a few days later I asked him why, almost joking. He said that it was fine, that I didn't need to sent himmore, that everything was fine. I cried all Sunday and Monday. I thought he was with another girl. And last night he texted me telling me that he wanted to explain. He told me that he love my pics, that he would be happy if he had one avery day. But that he felt that I was using that for making him closer and no, he doesn't want that. I started to tell him what I feel (I sent a voice note but he didn't want to hear, even if at first he said yes). We talked by texts. He stated than he doesn't want complications, that his life have drama enough and no. That he isn't dating anyone (I dind't asked) but doesn't want to give me that. I asked him "is this a never?" and his response was "for now, yes, it's a never". He tld me that for now he doesn't want to see me, that probably one day he will and maybe I won't want and if I don't want, he will live with that. Other times (the conversation lasted almost two hours) said that yes, that one day we'll meet. He doesn't want me to feel used and said that he is bad for me, that is not good for me talking a night and then nothearing from him in a month (only one time it was a month, when I stopped texting and as I told here, it was him who texted telling that he had plans for us by distance and that he had been thinking of me and all that). To sum up, he doesn't want complications and he doesn't want me to get hurt. We wants to text sometimes, about movies, or pictures, but nothing else. He told something like "one month I may want to talk all the time about tv, next I may only want your pictures and next I may be `a normal person' again".
I can't stop crying. I can't stop loving him, I can' stop missing him. I told him "I have missed you and you don't2 and told me "stop". I didn't beg but he didn't want to talk about that. He tolds me that he still desires me a lot and just that. But when the conversation ended he told me "and remember, you are most than your body".
I barely sleep and I only wanted that to had been a nightmare but it was real.
I want to die. I can't stand that I'll never be with him again or see him again. He contradicted himself sometimes saying "for now, it's a never". But I don't see the"for now" but a "never", even if he said "for now" many times. He said that he doesn't want me to suffer or giving me false hopes because for now he only want fun. I'm broken