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Broken heart - Trying to get him back

Discussion in 'I Need Empathy and Compassion (No advice wanted)' started by Jolene, Jan 9, 2018.

  1. Ash600

    Ash600 SF Creative SF Supporter

    Miracles do sometimes happen, I've experienced my own fair share of them over the years.
    And you can be here in other ways, in the end there is nothing really stopping you when it really comes down to it. You can post some of your favourite music here, any paintings/photos/etc anything which whatever you want
     
  2. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    I know, and I want to support others, I've done it whenever I felt calm but lately... I can't. And yes, I know that there are lots of sections but now I don't feel like posting there. It's me and my pain, I can't barely feel another things.
    Funny thing: I stopped hearing music a year ago. Of course, sometimes if I am in a place with musica...it's obvious that I listen. And if I have a veeery good day a listen a few songs but... Music breaks me even more. I loved and love music but...even that breaks me. I became a monster and I believe that this is forever, worse each day and... I don´t even know what to say
     
  3. Ash600

    Ash600 SF Creative SF Supporter

    It's difficult now, but it won't always be this way. When you're ready you will be able to. Somedays we all get this mental block preventing us to put into words our own thoughts etc, but these moments will pass.
    And you are not a monster, you are just hurting at this moment in time.

    If its of any help. listening to music did help to drag me put of my hole on quite a few occasions, or at the very least, helped to reduce the mental torment.
     
  4. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    Thank you. For everything.
    About music...it breaks me. Of course sometimes I listen a few songs from a movie or something but... I can't. I've always related music and memories. When he broke up with me I had a job and for the next 4 months (until my contract ended) my days in the office were a nightmare because the radio was always on and the songs... Even today I relate the music from that months to my break up. And many times "our" song was played in the radio and I had to go out for not listening or crying. Funny that last time we were together he sang me that song and told me "when you feel weak, remember this moment".

    I can't remember how it was to feel calm and happy and if the miracle doesn't happen, I will never know
     
  5. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    I have just know that he was at a house party yesterday. I am blocked. I feel like dying. What if he met someone there? I can't breath. I want to cry and I'm so paralized that I can't.
    I know that it's normal that he does that, but he use to be very calm and doesn't use to go to parties. But this time... And I am paralized. What if he met someone there? What if...?

    I can't go on. I need him to answer the message from the other day to be calm. But my impulse is texting him and I know that I shouldn't. But the urge is killing me. I'm so scared
     
  6. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    I'm sure he met another girl yesterday, he may have spent the night with her, and the day of today and... She (whoever it is) will be his girlfriend. Just before I tell him how I feel. Great. I'm going to ask him another chance and he will be dating another girl. If it wasn't difficult enough. I can´t contain myself. I need to text him, I need to know how he talks ti me. But he didn't answer the last response from me. If he is with any girl, he won't text back. He even didn't do sometimes and he was single but... Tis is madness. I should have tell him before but y intuition told me to wait. And now is impossible to get him back. I'll ask, obviously, but if the distance was reason enough, now... How can I compete with any girl who lives near him? I want to die. I won't get him back and I can't keep living like this. This is hell. I can´t content myself with the other parts from my life and I just wanted him back to be calm again and now everything is lost forever
     
  7. Ash600

    Ash600 SF Creative SF Supporter

    There are two many what if's which seem to be completely overwhelming you right at this moment. I'm so sorry for the anguish you must be going through, as I can relate to it from past personal experiences. Maybe it is now time to stop the waiting game and seek definite answers to all these uncertainties and fears going through your mind. See what your therapist's take on the situation is I guess.

    Once again, sorry for what you are going through.
     
    Jolene and Supernova like this.
  8. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    Thank you again. Yes, this week I will talk to my therapist in order to prepare the field before telling him all... But I am so scared. You read me always scared about he being with another girl, until now it was always my imagination but...what if not anymore? And I am worried, not knowing how to ask him a second chance when the time comes, because how will I convince him that it's better to be at distance with me that dating another girl, somebody new, in his new city? I don't know how to do it. I am so scared...
     
  9. Ash600

    Ash600 SF Creative SF Supporter

    I hear you. Sometimes the fear stems from the uncertainty and speculation more so than what is actually happening. Hope all goes well when you speak with your therapist in making preparations for telling him all you wish to.
     
    Jolene likes this.
  10. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    Thank you, for being there and for your wishes. I'm blocked, spent all afternoon and evening crying and the night will be similar. I only hope that this is a bad dream and I wake up to a better life. I keep asking my beloved ones "Up There" for a miracle. I really need it
     
    Ash600 likes this.
  11. Ash600

    Ash600 SF Creative SF Supporter

    Hope you get it......
     
    Jolene likes this.
  12. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    I'm crying despertedly. I imagine he is with another girl right now. I don't have proofs that he is but don't have proofs that he isn't. He is less online these days. During the past weeks too but he wasn't with anybody. But the party he went during the weekend... I imagine he met someone there and he is with her now.
    My firnds tell me that I'm torturing myself with something I invented. I wish. I was wrong all times but now... Now...
    And this happens just when I am about to tell him everything and asking for another chance. Perfect timing. If t was difficult before...
    I should have told him last week, but my intuituion told me to wait a few weeks. Stupid intuition. Now is too late. I can't stop crying
     
  13. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    Well I had an appointment with my therapist today.
    I told her that my desperate fear and obsession with him being with another girl (because what if this time is not my imagination?) and my intention of text him a few more times before telling him all and asking for another chance. So if I doesn't text me, I would have to text him, which I couldn't do in this past month and a half, I only could answer but not initiating.
    She told me that the aim of not texting first was testing his reaction and that was confirmed. She said that he initiated two times without neccesity and apparently more "engaged" in his texts. So now I can initiate if I want to have two or three conversations before the moment. She thinks that it's unneccesary since it's clear wthat he's comfortable with me and not distant, but I need to confirm again, because I am so worried that he may be with another girl since the weekend, since that party... And if we text, I will know if he stops flirting with me or is distant... So I am "allowed" to initiate. I'll do it in a two or three days (I wish he texted me before but...)
    The problem comes next. My therapist insist on having THE conversation face to face. I'd love that but as I told, he avoids to see me. He says yes but then he regrets and comes up with excuses, It happened three or four times. But then he keeps texting and being nice and flirty, not distant or rude. My therapist believe that that times I asked him in a too friendly - casual way and that I should change the strategy because that didn't work. And here comes the problem. She thinks that I should ask him to meet, directly, not "I'm going tothat city to visit friends, I'd love to meet" but "I need to see you, when could you?". I find this too agresive and direct, he is going to be on defensive mood and he won't agree. She thinks that I should try. I don't want to, because ifit is"showing my card" and I don't want to. If we meet, I want us to spend some time together, relaxed, being us...and then talking. But asking him like that won't do it. If asking casually didn't work, that direct way will be worse. So I don't know what will I do but... For the moment I will text him in a few days to check his reactions.

    But right now I'm panicking thinking that he's with another girl right now. Yesterday I was wrong. But what about today?

    I'm going to cry on the floor again. Another sleepless night. Yesterday I slept two hours and a half (and I had taken my sleeping pill), during last days I've never slept more than four and with interruptions. This is going worse each day and my fears are terrifying me. Because I may be right and then it's too late ant everything is lost forever


    Sorry for that long post, these monologues need to stop, I know. Sorry
     
  14. Ash600

    Ash600 SF Creative SF Supporter

    Jolene, if writing down your thoughts here helps in any way, no matter how small, then go ahead and keep on posting them. I agree with your therapist, maybe it is time for you to be more direct and get the answers you are seeking. But I do understand your concerns on doing this. Maybe a text along the lines "how about meeting up sometime?" or something along those lines. Yes text him a few times beforehand to test the water, but now is the time to act for fear of it being too late.

    Best wishes.
     
  15. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

  16. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    Thank you, you are right. But I'm scared. Well, now I'm paralyzed. Because something he posted in social media (it breaks me but I need to look at them because I need to know how the things are before jumping). I asked him about it and he's no answering. Just a few minutes ago but... I'm afraid he won't answer me. Never
     
  17. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    Well, I guess it's fair I told this. Last night we talked. It started because he have asked for my pictures lately and las Wednesday I asked him if he still wanted. He was super happy and said that yes and I sent him one out of four (he knew how much they were). He didn't answer. He NEVER left one of my pics without response. So a few days later I asked him why, almost joking. He said that it was fine, that I didn't need to sent himmore, that everything was fine. I cried all Sunday and Monday. I thought he was with another girl. And last night he texted me telling me that he wanted to explain. He told me that he love my pics, that he would be happy if he had one avery day. But that he felt that I was using that for making him closer and no, he doesn't want that. I started to tell him what I feel (I sent a voice note but he didn't want to hear, even if at first he said yes). We talked by texts. He stated than he doesn't want complications, that his life have drama enough and no. That he isn't dating anyone (I dind't asked) but doesn't want to give me that. I asked him "is this a never?" and his response was "for now, yes, it's a never". He tld me that for now he doesn't want to see me, that probably one day he will and maybe I won't want and if I don't want, he will live with that. Other times (the conversation lasted almost two hours) said that yes, that one day we'll meet. He doesn't want me to feel used and said that he is bad for me, that is not good for me talking a night and then nothearing from him in a month (only one time it was a month, when I stopped texting and as I told here, it was him who texted telling that he had plans for us by distance and that he had been thinking of me and all that). To sum up, he doesn't want complications and he doesn't want me to get hurt. We wants to text sometimes, about movies, or pictures, but nothing else. He told something like "one month I may want to talk all the time about tv, next I may only want your pictures and next I may be `a normal person' again".
    I can't stop crying. I can't stop loving him, I can' stop missing him. I told him "I have missed you and you don't2 and told me "stop". I didn't beg but he didn't want to talk about that. He tolds me that he still desires me a lot and just that. But when the conversation ended he told me "and remember, you are most than your body".
    I barely sleep and I only wanted that to had been a nightmare but it was real.
    I want to die. I can't stand that I'll never be with him again or see him again. He contradicted himself sometimes saying "for now, it's a never". But I don't see the"for now" but a "never", even if he said "for now" many times. He said that he doesn't want me to suffer or giving me false hopes because for now he only want fun. I'm broken
     
  18. Tarset

    Tarset Member

    Oh Jolene my heart goes out to you...
    You are worth so much more that him. He is messing with you. My husband is doing the same with me and I am constantly waiting and hoping for calls and texts too. He tells me too that he doesn’t want a relationship with me any longer...yet he can’t seem to let go. My husbands son is doing it to his ex too. I don’t know how they can be so cruel, maybe it’s a control thing, an ego trip, I don’t know.
    I tried to block all contact and move on. (well the longest I’ve managed so far is 10 days) I know how difficult it is xx. Hugs
     
    Jolene likes this.
  19. Jolene

    Jolene Well-Known Member

    First, I feel so sorry for your situation... I understand you. Send you my best wishes.
    Well, he doesn't want to mess with me. He was clear,last night told me all that because he doesn't want me to feel used or being hurting by him. He explained me what he wanted and expressed that he feels like I am like "well, if I can't get him back, I do the few things that could make him closer to me". Yes, that's true. But I just wanted him to change his mind. He is blocking all he emotional part. He is not himself lately, I feel it and he confirmed with that "and maybe in a few months I will be a normal person again". He was clear, but...I love him! He is the love of my life. I just want him back, I know that we could be happy. His life has changed a few months ago (he left everything for moving to another city just for the sake of adventure), he is not living a "real" life, I feel it. But I can't do anything. I just cry and miss him and I can't stand life without him. After that conversation I barely sleep (even with a pill), I woke up constantly and my first action was reaching my phone each time thinking "Please, that conversation should have been a nightmare, please". But no, there it was. I am devastated and I can't go on anymore.
     
  20. Tarset

    Tarset Member

    I don’t know the answer. I wish I did. It hurts like hell to be rejected by the person you trusted and love and thought you would spend the rest of your life with. The only thing I can say is that my first husband died and I thought I would never love anyone ever again....then I did, and I married him....and now he’s decided it’s over.
    So I suppose I recovered once, maybe I will again....maybe you will too? I’m guessing you are substantially younger than me so the odds are in your favour. Xx