Broken heart - Trying to get him back

Ash600

SF Creative
SF Supporter
Jolene I'm so sorry you have to endure all of this. The contradictory messages he's giving out must be causing so much pain. If he does have some ongoing personal issues preventing him from having a relationship with you, then I wish he would let you know exactly what they were out of respect for yourself and your feelings. Either way, I feel it is unfair on him to be tugging on your heartstrings in such an unfair manner.

But please, don't give up on yourself. I may not be in a postion to tell you what to do or to live your life, but I do know that people do get given another chance. Even if it is tearing you to pieces, just stop and think about it. The world may seem like it is ending and there is absolutely nothing you can do...this is when you need to be strong. You never know how strong you are until strength is the only choice you have. Show your strength. Most people give up on themselves easily. They give up because they feel as though they have tried too many times and it just never works out. But you never know, the next time you try could be the time everything falls into place. Don't waste your life by living it for someone else. Live your own life. The next chapter of your life has not been written yet, don't let anyone else hold the pen.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
I don’t know the answer. I wish I did. It hurts like hell to be rejected by the person you trusted and love and thought you would spend the rest of your life with. The only thing I can say is that my first husband died and I thought I would never love anyone ever again....then I did, and I married him....and now he’s decided it’s over.
So I suppose I recovered once, maybe I will again....maybe you will too? I’m guessing you are substantially younger than me so the odds are in your favour. Xx
Thank you for your words. I admire your first recovery and I'm sure you will have a second one. ANd a third opportunity to love, and it will be the best. I really hope so.
For me...I've recovered other times but not this. He was the one, I've never felt this. I've been heartbroken before and I saw a light, little light at first, but then... Now I don't. Now I just feel that he is the love of my life and I lost him. He is one of a kind, for me. And... I must confess something sad: since he broke up with me, I've never felt attracted by any guy anymore. Not even an actor or something like that. No. I see a handsome guy and I think: oh, he's handsome, ok. But anything more, I feel tha same way that I feel looking at a beautiful picture. Nothing else. When I was with him I felt somethimes that innocent attraction, not wanting to be with another one, but like "yes, I've eyes, being on diet doesn't forbid looking at the menu". But now nothing. I feel repelled thinking about intimacy with another. Annd I'm not talking about sex, that's different, for me it doesn't need to be with love aaalways . I am talking about couple intimacy, hugs, cuddles... I feel sick thinking to cuddle with another man. And I want to die thinking that I'll never hug him again. So... I'm an impossible case.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
Jolene I'm so sorry you have to endure all of this. The contradictory messages he's giving out must be causing so much pain. If he does have some ongoing personal issues preventing him from having a relationship with you, then I wish he would let you know exactly what they were out of respect for yourself and your feelings. Either way, I feel it is unfair on him to be tugging on your heartstrings in such an unfair manner.

But please, don't give up on yourself. I may not be in a postion to tell you what to do or to live your life, but I do know that people do get given another chance. Even if it is tearing you to pieces, just stop and think about it. The world may seem like it is ending and there is absolutely nothing you can do...this is when you need to be strong. You never know how strong you are until strength is the only choice you have. Show your strength. Most people give up on themselves easily. They give up because they feel as though they have tried too many times and it just never works out. But you never know, the next time you try could be the time everything falls into place. Don't waste your life by living it for someone else. Live your own life. The next chapter of your life has not been written yet, don't let anyone else hold the pen.
Thank you for your words.
He was nice telling me what he told me. He show me respect because he didn't want to hurt me more or make me feel "used". But I didn't feel like that. I knew that he wasn't giving me much, but I wated to show him the best of me, trying to get him back. And...funny thing: my friends readed my textings and told me that I was being too positive to him, too laid back. Well...yesterday he told me some things that showed me that he was reading between the lines more than I thought. That he was understanding everything even if I was hidding it well. He knows me like that. He even told me that he felt that I was doing things dad even I didn't know that I was doing, because it were unconsciuous. He was nice to me but he blocked the emotional part, didn't want to talk about us. I understand but I feel like his life is weird and unstable at this time, is is not "down on earth", I can feel that. I know that he has holidays soon, I hope he came back home, not for meeting, I know that this is not happening right now, but to be in his house, with his family and pets and... I want him to feel the "reality". I know what I'm talking about because I lived an adventure like his, only for three months, best time of my life until I met him. I remember those months like a dream and the people who lived that with me too. Because it was an unreal life. Yeah, we worked, we went shopping, we went out...but there was an atmosphere of unreality. If instead three months were ten, it would be different. Ell, too much talking, but I feel that, that he is in a confusing place in his life and for this he closes me the door forever, becausehe just want "fun, no complications". I would be complication. He doesn't want to see the good part. And that kills me.
And I know my life keeps going but I don't like it. I don't enjoy anything. I'm a prisoner here, forcing to live without nothing more than pain, because I lost the ove of my life and I will never get him back.
 
It is because men are like that that I dont bother telling my husband I love him and need him back.
I am not a brave as you @Jolene.I think you are very strong in the end.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
It is because men are like that that I dont bother telling my husband I love him and need him back.
I am not a brave as you @Jolene.I think you are very strong in the end.
Thank you but I'm not strong. And...well I didn't tell him everything. I did in the voice note but he didn't want to hear it, just texting (however...it was marked as seen, at least he opened, he told me that he would listen it in another moment but...some of the things he told me texting could be related to which I was telling him in the voice note...so who knows, maybe he was listening). But as I said, I'm not strong, I can0t live without him. I've spent a year without smiling. How awful is this? And all the following years since I'm not dying, I wish but I can't. I would do anything to get another chance, to break his walls, to make him remember. I asked to my loved ones Up There (my deceased relatives) asking for a miracle. Until yesterday, I felt that they were helping a little, sending me signs, whenever I complained to them for not helping me (I'm horrible, I know), in a few minutes something happened or I received another sign. But this time they left me, they don't help me anymore. This is the only thing I asked for, for me. I asked for another people and I believe they "saved" my grandma when she was dying of an illness which kills most of the people in hours or days. This was two days after the break up and I thought "ok, this is amazing and if I have to wait for him to get back in exchange of this miracle, I'm fine". But afterhelping me in this with little steps, yesterday everything was broken. I have a wall in my apartment where I "pray" to them, I always go crying there (I guess that I go there because limits with the apartment next door, where I lived with my parents when I was little and it connects with the wall of m former parents (at first, then, after the divorce, just my father's) room. I go there every night and cry and beg. Until yesterday, little things happened. Now nothing. I'm lost.

And all this for explaining... I'm not strong, I can't live without him, I'm desperate and hating my life. I see my creams, my books, my clothes...and I think how stupid is all that. Everything is stupid for me. If I can't be with the love of my life, I don't need anything because anything will make me happy. And I feel guily and selfish because I have amazinf family and friends and...this is not enough. There's no enough love or support in my life to console me, and I say that I have more than I deserve. But it's not enough for making me happy. Only a person can. I feel selfish and stupid but this is how I feel. I guess this is a punishment for being so awful
 
Thank you but I'm not strong. And...well I didn't tell him everything. I did in the voice note but he didn't want to hear it, just texting (however...it was marked as seen, at least he opened, he told me that he would listen it in another moment but...some of the things he told me texting could be related to which I was telling him in the voice note...so who knows, maybe he was listening). But as I said, I'm not strong, I can0t live without him. I've spent a year without smiling. How awful is this? And all the following years since I'm not dying, I wish but I can't. I would do anything to get another chance, to break his walls, to make him remember. I asked to my loved ones Up There (my deceased relatives) asking for a miracle. Until yesterday, I felt that they were helping a little, sending me signs, whenever I complained to them for not helping me (I'm horrible, I know), in a few minutes something happened or I received another sign. But this time they left me, they don't help me anymore. This is the only thing I asked for, for me. I asked for another people and I believe they "saved" my grandma when she was dying of an illness which kills most of the people in hours or days. This was two days after the break up and I thought "ok, this is amazing and if I have to wait for him to get back in exchange of this miracle, I'm fine". But afterhelping me in this with little steps, yesterday everything was broken. I have a wall in my apartment where I "pray" to them, I always go crying there (I guess that I go there because limits with the apartment next door, where I lived with my parents when I was little and it connects with the wall of m former parents (at first, then, after the divorce, just my father's) room. I go there every night and cry and beg. Until yesterday, little things happened. Now nothing. I'm lost.

And all this for explaining... I'm not strong, I can't live without him, I'm desperate and hating my life. I see my creams, my books, my clothes...and I think how stupid is all that. Everything is stupid for me. If I can't be with the love of my life, I don't need anything because anything will make me happy. And I feel guily and selfish because I have amazinf family and friends and...this is not enough. There's no enough love or support in my life to console me, and I say that I have more than I deserve. But it's not enough for making me happy. Only a person can. I feel selfish and stupid but this is how I feel. I guess this is a punishment for being so awful
Is he the ONE or is it your mind that tricks you and makes a projection as him being the one?And another question: if you could see yourself now, as an observer, from
an outside perspective , as a person looking at this girl crying, what would you tell her?
The mind is a tricky thing sometimes.Observe your thoughts and see all as an outsider.Just watch your thoughts and analyze them, dont let them overpower you.
 
I am starting slowly to hate my ex ( I will call him ex, though no divorce papers were done or even started yet) for him putting me through this.The man of our lives is the one to make us happy, put our happiness above his and treat us right.If a man doesnt do any of this he is not the one, if he rejects to be back to you in a way you want to die, instead of hugging you and taking care of you, he is not acting like he is the one.Like in fairytales, the ONE would "ride" to you and save you, this guy doesnt.The ONE is probably still out there waiting patiently you to come one day to his life and find him , wandering why is taking so long for him to be by your side and suffering for not have found you yet.
 

Jolene

Well-Known Member
@Dark Angel 777 I feel it. It's not my mind. I've been broken hearted before and had an awful time but never felt that none of they were the one.
I understand your point. But he made m, happy. We had a good relationship, an amazing connection and we were the best to each other. We still are but he blocks that feelings. He only thinks that I'm a complication (me or any.other girl, as I understood, he doesn't want to be with anyone, no complications. And he is not a one night stand guy. He even doesn't like to go out too much). He doesn't want to see the good part of me. He erases the memories or at least he seems to do. Not so much ago admitted that he had missed me and after I told him that if he weren't moving we could have another chance and that we were made to each other he was happy to hear, told me that knowing that made him happy and that we could have that conversation again when he came back (he didn't yet but the other day he didn't even hear me saying that I miss him).
I miss him so badly...I need a miracle. I can't stop loving him and every day is worse...
 

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