SORRY FOR THE LONG POST
As I told in another post, I'm diagnosed with anxiety and depression almost a year ago. It is about a break up wich happened a year ago. And I need to get him back and I'm trying to coonquer him again. My friends were very supporting but they are staring to get tired and I understand.
My ex and I never stopped texting each other after the break up (only for a month at first). The maximum time we spent without texting each other were two weeks. We lived in different cities but near but he moved across the country a few months ago. I told him hat I feel (not everything, I never let him know that I'm broken) and that I wanted another chance and he told me that he's not moving forever, that he will come back in months but didn't know how and then we could have that conversation again, but that he was happy to know that I feel that. After his moving we texted less but still, and he flirted with me many times. Always nice and flirty, even sometimes he didn't answer in days, he always came back and many times he let me know that we are still "connected". In my NYE text I told him that I wished him a happy 2018 and I would like to be part of his happiness and met this year (we didn't last year, he "avoided" it but keep texting and being close to me, sometimes I believe that he may be afraid to feel something if he sees me again, I don't know). He answer me well and told me that he hopes all my wishes come true, including these two (so, being part of his happiness and meet again).
But I am always obsessing that he may know another girl (each day I go crazy convinced that he is with that girl, oranother, or another, always it's something in my head but someday won't be. And I am afraid that the day is today. I hope I'm wrong again). Before he moved, we both initiated conversations but after that, most times were me. So after wishing each ther happy new year, I didn't answer anymore, stopped chasing and I'm waiting until he text again. He always did but I'm always scared that he won't.
Must say that our relationship ended up (wel, at first was a "pause") due the distance (he hates that) and my insecurities (I was being clingy, negative and needy in our last weeks together). However, this year everytime we talk I pretend to be happy and positive, just as before, just as he liked me, even if I'm not that person anymore. I lost my best part when he left me.
I know that relationships end but I'm sure that he is the love of my life and we were very happy together (even after the break up, I made him happy sometimes, he told me). I know most people don't understand why am I so stubborn and think that I should let him go but I need him and I'm doing my best for recovering him because if I'm going to be living like that, so devastated, the least I can do is keep fighting a little because recovering him is the only thing that would make me happy (and as I' allways saying here, I feel guily about it, nothing else is enough but I can't help it).
I don't know why I'm telling this here but I need some possitive feedback or something, I need to feel understood and not feeling like a "crazy" person who is still in love with her ex and will never stop loving him, like...I don't know how to name this,
Thank you to whoever read this and sorry for bothering you with my stupid problems
As I told in another post, I'm diagnosed with anxiety and depression almost a year ago. It is about a break up wich happened a year ago. And I need to get him back and I'm trying to coonquer him again. My friends were very supporting but they are staring to get tired and I understand.
My ex and I never stopped texting each other after the break up (only for a month at first). The maximum time we spent without texting each other were two weeks. We lived in different cities but near but he moved across the country a few months ago. I told him hat I feel (not everything, I never let him know that I'm broken) and that I wanted another chance and he told me that he's not moving forever, that he will come back in months but didn't know how and then we could have that conversation again, but that he was happy to know that I feel that. After his moving we texted less but still, and he flirted with me many times. Always nice and flirty, even sometimes he didn't answer in days, he always came back and many times he let me know that we are still "connected". In my NYE text I told him that I wished him a happy 2018 and I would like to be part of his happiness and met this year (we didn't last year, he "avoided" it but keep texting and being close to me, sometimes I believe that he may be afraid to feel something if he sees me again, I don't know). He answer me well and told me that he hopes all my wishes come true, including these two (so, being part of his happiness and meet again).
But I am always obsessing that he may know another girl (each day I go crazy convinced that he is with that girl, oranother, or another, always it's something in my head but someday won't be. And I am afraid that the day is today. I hope I'm wrong again). Before he moved, we both initiated conversations but after that, most times were me. So after wishing each ther happy new year, I didn't answer anymore, stopped chasing and I'm waiting until he text again. He always did but I'm always scared that he won't.
Must say that our relationship ended up (wel, at first was a "pause") due the distance (he hates that) and my insecurities (I was being clingy, negative and needy in our last weeks together). However, this year everytime we talk I pretend to be happy and positive, just as before, just as he liked me, even if I'm not that person anymore. I lost my best part when he left me.
I know that relationships end but I'm sure that he is the love of my life and we were very happy together (even after the break up, I made him happy sometimes, he told me). I know most people don't understand why am I so stubborn and think that I should let him go but I need him and I'm doing my best for recovering him because if I'm going to be living like that, so devastated, the least I can do is keep fighting a little because recovering him is the only thing that would make me happy (and as I' allways saying here, I feel guily about it, nothing else is enough but I can't help it).
I don't know why I'm telling this here but I need some possitive feedback or something, I need to feel understood and not feeling like a "crazy" person who is still in love with her ex and will never stop loving him, like...I don't know how to name this,
Thank you to whoever read this and sorry for bothering you with my stupid problems