Broken..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Digital Angel, Mar 30, 2009.

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  1. Digital Angel

    Digital Angel Well-Known Member

    I've been isolated for the vast majority of the last 3 1/2 years now and I'm running out of time it seems. I need serious medical help. Idk what that is. I refuse to take medications. I'm cold and shaking right now. My head is throbbing and won't stop. I trashed my entire apartment today. I'm really fucking scared. I used to have great ambitoins for my life but all I want now is the pain to stop. I don't feel like a person anymore. I feel like an animal locked in a cage in one of those isolation experiments. It's crushed my soul and I don't know where to turn. I messed up and I should have taken hte last two chances I had to have a girlfriend but I was scared then. I realize now little is worse than what I've have experienced through this. I want to hold someone again more than anything but it doesn't look like that will ever be a possiibilty. I can get out twice a week at most with my terrible friends and trying to get anyone else is too difficult with the fragile state my mind is in.

    I can't talk to my my mom becuase I can't tell her anything and never have been able to. She fucked up my whole life growing up. I don't know where else to go. I don't know if this is the end or what I am going to do. I'm sorry for anoyne I've hurt or anything. And I'm sorry if I go through this. I really honestly don't want to die. I'm trying not to, just the pain is becoming unbearable..
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Digital Angel,
    It sounds as if you need to go in the hospital where they can evaluate what is going on with you..So you might have to take meds..It's no big deal..I am an isolationist myself...I have been locked up in my bedroom for fifteen years, Have no friends outside of the forum, Am suicidal, and don't even talk to my family about any of this..
    I see a shrink every three months, See a therapist twice a month, and have seen the progress I have made over the last three years. I am able to go to the store and my appointments on my own now and have even started driving again..My therapist tells me if my isolating is where I am comfortable then there is nothing wrong with that..
    You really need to get some professional help because you can't deal with this on your own..Going into the hospital is the first step..They can help and when you are discharged they can set up a shrink and a therapist for you..Please seek out the help!!!
     
  3. Regenesis

    Regenesis Well-Known Member

    You're not the only one staying between 4 walls and you're not the only one feeling lonely and worthless.if also have medical problems and try to fix them out.If you feel like you can't do anything with your life and you want to die,then do what I do:Lock yourself in your own world.
    We are here for a short time after we die and everything stopes.Why not make the most out of it?Seek help for medical problems and try to live and do what you like.Just ignore the others.
     
  4. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    Are your friends really so "terrible?" Try spilling your guts to one or more of them and see if they rise to the occasion. Maybe you'll get lucky.
     
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