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Brokenhearted

#1
I'm sorry that I'm posting again.
I had been in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for 8 years. I fell in love with him 10 years ago. We had so much fun together and I just felt so comfortable in his presence. It felt like we were meant for each other. Just the feeling of being loved made everything seem so much easier. Just forgetting the world when being with him. But we had some problems as well. I always wished that he would support me more, even though it was my own fault as I never completely opened up to him. I told him parts of the things that bothered me, but I wasn't open enough. I just needed more love than he could give, although he gave me so much love.
But now we aren't together anymore. It happend in December because I realized that he lied to me quite often. I felt like my world crashed down. I knew that I couldn't trust him anymore and that I can't stay with him as he would lie to me again. I thought I had to protect myself and ended it. I told him the ugliest things I could ever think of. I told him that I wished he was dead and that I hope that he's unhappy for the rest of his life. I was in so much pain, because I knew that I lost him. I just couldn't deal with the sadness and to cope with it i turned to verbal aggression. But he convinced me to give him another chance, to solve our problems together. He promised me to never lie to me again. I didn't believe it but I thought of getting back together because I had the thought of us being meant for each other and I missed him so much.
After a few weeks of saying other really mean things to him I decided that I don't want to live without him. It was up and down. It looked like it could work out and after a few days I felt my hate coming back and couldn't pretend anymore. So we ended it again and started again. But when I finally made the decision that he meant more to me than any mistake that he could ever made and finally was fully open to start our relationship again and even better, he told me that he can't do it anymore, because I hurt him too much with what I said to him. Although he sweared a few days before that I'm the one he loves and that he wants nothing more than getting back with me again, he decided that he doesn't want a relationship again. So my life broke down once again.
I tried to fight for our relationship and to change his mind again. But he made his final decision and it was against me, against us. I knew that he has met a co-worker and that he had a really good connection with her. I thought he told me because he wanted to make me jealous but he told me because he fell in love with her, even tough he never admitted it.
Now everything is over and I have to live with the thought of him and her being together and living the life I wanted to live with him so badly. I just can't go on with feeling this way. I felt like I lost everything again! And that I now lost too many important people in my life that I don't want to start over again. I can't start over again and be hurt like that ever again. And I hate myself for being angry and aggressive. I can't deal with the guilt I feel for messing up the best thing I ever had in my life.
I know that I have to let him go, because I love him and he deserves to be happy, but I wish he could be happy with me. I just don't know how I can ever get over this. I think I never will.
 
#2
Ive definitely felt your pain threw this message , heartbreak is so hard . But you WILL get threw it , your going to come out on the other side so positive with a new outlook on love . But....... you must let yourself go threw this process , some days you will feel like you cant and on those days we'll be there for you !
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#3
I'm sorry that I'm posting again.
I had been in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for 8 years. I fell in love with him 10 years ago. We had so much fun together and I just felt so comfortable in his presence. It felt like we were meant for each other. Just the feeling of being loved made everything seem so much easier. Just forgetting the world when being with him. But we had some problems as well. I always wished that he would support me more, even though it was my own fault as I never completely opened up to him. I told him parts of the things that bothered me, but I wasn't open enough. I just needed more love than he could give, although he gave me so much love.

But now we aren't together anymore. It happend in December because I realized that he lied to me quite often. I felt like my world crashed down. I knew that I couldn't trust him anymore and that I can't stay with him as he would lie to me again. I thought I had to protect myself and ended it. I told him the ugliest things I could ever think of. I told him that I wished he was dead and that I hope that he's unhappy for the rest of his life. I was in so much pain, because I knew that I lost him. I just couldn't deal with the sadness and to cope with it i turned to verbal aggression. But he convinced me to give him another chance, to solve our problems together. He promised me to never lie to me again. I didn't believe it but I thought of getting back together because I had the thought of us being meant for each other and I missed him so much.

After a few weeks of saying other really mean things to him I decided that I don't want to live without him. It was up and down. It looked like it could work out and after a few days I felt my hate coming back and couldn't pretend anymore. So we ended it again and started again. But when I finally made the decision that he meant more to me than any mistake that he could ever made and finally was fully open to start our relationship again and even better, he told me that he can't do it anymore, because I hurt him too much with what I said to him. Although he sweared a few days before that I'm the one he loves and that he wants nothing more than getting back with me again, he decided that he doesn't want a relationship again. So my life broke down once again.

I tried to fight for our relationship and to change his mind again. But he made his final decision and it was against me, against us. I knew that he has met a co-worker and that he had a really good connection with her. I thought he told me because he wanted to make me jealous but he told me because he fell in love with her, even tough he never admitted it.

Now everything is over and I have to live with the thought of him and her being together and living the life I wanted to live with him so badly. I just can't go on with feeling this way. I felt like I lost everything again! And that I now lost too many important people in my life that I don't want to start over again. I can't start over again and be hurt like that ever again. And I hate myself for being angry and aggressive. I can't deal with the guilt I feel for messing up the best thing I ever had in my life.

I know that I have to let him go, because I love him and he deserves to be happy, but I wish he could be happy with me. I just don't know how I can ever get over this. I think I never will.
There is no need to apologize for venting out, @KitKat182. I've never been in a relationship before so there isn't any experience I can share.

Your ex is not lost. The romantic relationship of you and him simply ended and became the one between acquaintances. He can still be a friend for you, but as you said, you have to let him go in order for him to be happy and loved.

Grieving on the romantic relationship you once had is not easy. No grief is easy. Just know that it's not your fault.
 
#4
Ive definitely felt your pain threw this message , heartbreak is so hard . But you WILL get threw it , your going to come out on the other side so positive with a new outlook on love . But....... you must let yourself go threw this process , some days you will feel like you cant and on those days we'll be there for you !
It's more like everyday that I feel like I can't. I just can't imagine my life without him and I really see no way out. Maybe in 10 years or so it will get a little bit better, but I can't live that long with this pain.
 
#5
There is no need to apologize for venting out, @KitKat182. I've never been in a relationship before so there isn't any experience I can share.

Your ex is not lost. The romantic relationship of you and him simply ended and became the one between acquaintances. He can still be a friend for you, but as you said, you have to let him go in order for him to be happy and loved.

Grieving on the romantic relationship you once had is not easy. No grief is easy. Just know that it's not your fault.
I really envy you for never being in a relationship. I should have never done it either. I knew from the start of it that I wouldn't make it if we ever break up.
I would love to stay friends with him, but it kills me to see him with his new girlfriend. And I can't be a friend for him as all I do is crying when I see him. But he also is the only friend I ever had.
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#6
I really envy you for never being in a relationship. I should have never done it either. I knew from the start of it that I wouldn't make it if we ever break up.
I would love to stay friends with him, but it kills me to see him with his new girlfriend. And I can't be a friend for him as all I do is crying when I see him. But he also is the only friend I ever had.
Sometimes, I think my life is missing a part for never being in a relationship or in love with someone. Perhaps, a relationship can save me from my daily suicidal thoughts, but nothing is certain.

As I said, grieving is not easy. I suggest picking a hobby that is unrelated to your ex, anything that is artistic so that you can relieve and express yourself, and picking a group of people you trust and love to be around, probably family members.

I'll leave a Healthline link since it's related: link.
 

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