Brother commutes suicide

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Souvanna33, Jan 30, 2011.

  1. Souvanna33

    Souvanna33 New Member

    It's been almost 3 months now since my older brother committed suicide. He was 30 at the time. He was married had two beautiful kids.

    I work two jobs. A job with his wife and the other with him. A few weeks before his passing he was susupecting that she was having an affair. I didn't have any information because her and I worked different shifts.

    The day before he committed suicide he walked out from his job and quit. I called him to make sure he was ok and he confirmed that she was having an affair with another coworker of mine.

    He promised he wouldn't do anything stupid and will call me after my shift. He didn't call. He simply text me "I love you sis, remember that". At that moment I felt so worried. I knew something wasn't right. I wanted to drive to his house and park outside just to make sure he was ok. I wanted to tell him I loved him back... But I didn't. That was the first time in my life he had told me he loved me and.. Last.

    I maybe could've saved him. I should've tried. I just thought he was much stronger than that. I regret it every single day.

    My mom calls me 8am the next morning and told me to come to his house right away. When I got there I see firetrucks and police tape. He had burnt his house down.

    I ran up to his house and asked the officer "where's my brother?" He said "He's inside and deceased"

    That moment replays in my head over and over again.

    He had shot himself after setting his house on fire.

    Some days it's so difficult to breathe. I get nightmares almost every night about his death. I'm losing it.

    I know that I've fell into a depression. Nothing in the world matters to me anymore. I have a whole different outlook of life and death. There's no point in living. I've drawn myself away from everyone in my life. Nothing interest me. At this point I feel that nothing in the world can make me happy.

    I wished I had told him I loved him.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun he knew you loved him okay you did not have to say the words He was in just too much pain It overwhelmed him okay he was not thinking clearly his pain took him away There was nothing you could have done to stop him.
    My brother did the same because his wife having an affair she litterally handed him the meds that took him away i blame her

    Your brother loved you he said so and he would not want this for you He would want his little sister happy and moving on with her life.

    It is all too soon for you though you are still gireving the loss of your bro We all grieve in different ways you are isolating yourself Pllease try not to do that
    please get out be with your friends as you brother would want you too.
    Get some grief councilling okay I did and it help me to see there was nothing i could have done or said at the time nothing.

    Just as you could have done nothing to stop the pain it was greater them him. Please you need to talk you need to let go of the sadness with help you can I am so sorry for your suffering and your families Please pm me anytime okay please Just know he would only want happiness for you
    He just could not hold on the pain it was the pain that took him away.

    hugs
     
  3. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry this happened. I know there are no words that will make you feel better.

    I hope you continue to come on here and talk to us.
     
  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    im so sorry this happened to you and your famioly souvanna,your brother knew you loved him you couldnt have stopped him,you couldnt have been with him 24/7 i hope you get the grief counselling please dont let this drag you down into a horrible place,you need to remember the good times and counselling will help you and your family please dont try to keep everything in ok
     
  5. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Relaying what other people have said... Grief counselling... Try not to isolate yourself although it will be very very difficult at first... And always difficult after that.

    Try to be strong, he would want you to be. :hug:
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry souvanna...your pain is so fresh..3 months you are probably just coming out of shock....
    I believe Your brother knew you loved him or he probably wouldn't have text that he loved you...

    the 'what ifs' 'if onlys' 'I should've ' ..it's unfortunately a 'normal' part of grief after suicide...my son took his life 13 months ago...so I understand the pain you must be feeling..
    I recommend you get some grief counseling and reach out to friends and family if that's possible...isolating is not good..I know cos I am doing it now..
    also a 'suicide survivors' support group may help either in person or online...(or both)
    hold on okay.....:hugtackles:
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just checking in to see how you are doing hugs hope you have reached out and got some therapy for you hugs