Brothers (cont)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Breathe, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Talking to my sister about my brother problem.
    She snitched on me to my parents.

    My brother only got told to keep out my room and not to call me fat.

    I got told to stop playing my music.
    I got told that i should be used to being a emo.
    I got told with my past i should live with being told i should kill myself.
    I got told i am pathetic.
    I got told i am their worst child.
    I just self harmed.
    I need someone who understands.
    I need help.
    I need to get away.
    I need to cut again.
    God why wont they understand.
    Why wont this pain go away.
    I need help.
    So fucking badly.
    I want to die.
     
  2. jnine

    jnine Well-Known Member

    oh, i'm so sorry you are in such pain Breathe
     
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'm none too good with advice at this sort of thing as I have a tendency to get pissed at the thought of people treating others that way...

    However I'm around if you want to talk.
     
  4. notafraid

    notafraid Member

    I wish i had something helpfull to say but i am in the same boat you are. the only thing i can say is may help if you try to turn your depression into anger. it is in no way healthy but i think the alternative is worse.
     
  5. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    Well at least you didn't have a brother that tried to kill you with every chance he got or burn pictures of you while masturbating to it. My brother is fucked up, and I got away from it all and restarted my life with a new identity. Yeah your family is a shit hole, they probably deserve the same fate that you want to put yourself through. But you don't need to be forced into that position yourself no matter how hard your family pushes you. Dying would mean they win and therefore all the things you said above came true about you. So let's break down some of your issues:

    I got told to stop playing my music.
    Yeah, my parents got tired of me playing the same music they don't like over and over. I mean you would feel the same way if they played their music in your face all the time. Invest in a walkman, Mp3 Player or CD Player. You can find them cheap at Walmart for under 30 bucks.

    I got told that i should be used to being a emo.
    And that's a bad thing? Everyone is emo to some extent, if you weren't "emotional" then you would be lifeless.

    I got told with my past i should live with being told i should kill myself.
    I got told i am pathetic.
    I got told i am their worst child.

    Seems you believe everything your parents have said and your brother. Perhaps it's time to rise up and rebel. Take those words long enough and you'll be thinking the same thing too. It's a vicious cycle but there's room to break free from that. See a school counselor? Seek other relatives who are more nicer? Or maybe your brother and parents are just jealous that you're better than them and they always try to put you down.

    I just self harmed.
    Self harm just brings more drama to your life than curing any emotional pain. It may feel good at first, but there are better activities in releasing your pain through writing, coming to these forums, or talking to a understanding person.

    I need someone who understands.
    I need help.
    I need to get away.

    Can't do that all on Internet, but you have to seek out your resources and support networks in your town or school. Say it with confidence, don't exaggerate and people will help you.

    I need to cut again.
    God why wont they understand.
    Why wont this pain go away.
    I need help.
    So fucking badly.
    I want to die.


    They may never understand, or refuse to understand, you just gotta live with that. Your pain is now your own and you must filter the bad parts out and put them in priority. Can't help yourself anymore if you die, can't seek help if you die. You're of no use anymore if you're dead and then you'll be missing out on some of the greater aspects of life if you tried. No one can hold your hand though, you're a grown person or soon to be, time to take care of yourself and not deal with others.

    Hope this helps you, if not, good luck in your journey then!
     
  6. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Not really just made me feel kinda worse

    I mean my music. I play it on my ipod, they cant hear it. But they say i listen to crap. Told me to stop listening to music.

    They refer to the sterotypical image of a "emo" meaning black clothes, heavy metal music and cutting oneself. I mean all apart from the black clothes i guess its me. But they say it cause they know thats a sore spot.

    I have tried to rebel but my father struck me down. I tried to run away. My father found me and dragged me back by my hair, me shouting and begging all the way home. I have no realtives who are willing to help. My mother told everyone about my self harming and such and they turned agaisnt me.

    I agree on the self harming point =[ and i know it wont cause any relief in the long run but i needed those few seconds of relief just to get back to some normalcy.

    Tried to get help. Went to see my doctor. He saw i needed help and sent me to see a physciatrist. They sent me letters to book my first appointment. My mother recongised their logo on the envolpe. "If you ever do this again i will disown you. I will kick you out of this house. I will never speak to you again. You will have no where to go. Dont you ever, ever speak to these people" Those were her words.

    Tbf i never want people to hold my hand. My boyfriend who has been through something similar tries to support me. Take me to the doctors again. But i find it hard to accept that kind of help. I dont expect people to help me. My problems are my own, my friends and relatives dont need that kind of burden.
     
  7. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    No offense but your mom is a bitch....Seeing as you're 17, in the UK, you can call the shelter, or the hotlines and get out of your house regardless of what your parents say. Obviously they have disowned you long ago if they treat you this bad. It's time perhaps to take ownership of yourself and your sanity and get the hell out. Don't shut out the ones that are trying to help you either, if someone is willing to help you out, that's not a burden, unless deep down inside you feel he's worthless too and not worth your time, otherwise take his help, take whatever help you can and find somewhere safe.

    I was in your position once and I left, dropped everything I had, everyone I've known in Texas, and ran 1500 miles away to Florida to get away from my parents.
     
  8. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    Thankyou.