brought it all back...dont want to be one of those people

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Nemo, Aug 4, 2014.

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  1. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    So I was sexually abused since before I can remember until I was 10, and raped when I was 10.
    (I'm learning to deal with this gradually and have a great base of support now).

    However, 2 weeks ago, I was raped again. I was very drunk and did nothing about it. My housemates found out and are being so lovely about it but it was one of their friends who did it and I feel like I've caused a whole load of grief for everyone. I had to tell his girlfriend too. I feel like I've destroyed a whole load of relationships/friendships and nobody will ever trust me again! I've only lived with my new housemates for 2 months and they are all amazing, I would hate to have to leave or to have them hate me! But I can't help what happened now. It's all I think about, it's making me physically ill :(

    I hate how, something that should only really affect me, has caused so much chaos in everybody's lives around me!

    I don't want to be one of these people that men prey upon. Like when you're bullied as a kid you're more likely to be bullied as an adult. I don't want to be the same with this! I know when I'm drunk I get myself into stupid situations but I was at home, there were people around! I just can't understand why this had to happen!

    Sorry, I know this isn't so much a question, but I just needed to put it somewhere. I need advice, I just don't know what kind. Anything would be helpful.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well your freind deserved to know what her bf did and better she finds out now not later hun I am sorry this happened to you and i hope that you have a therapist that can help you now
    You are not causing the trouble it is the one that raped you that is causing the trouble ok good for you for telling because that took strength
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Nemo, I think you are a very strong person and I also think you did your friends and his girlfriend a big favour by telling them what he did. What he did was evil and there is no excuse for it drunk or not. Are you planning to report/or did you report the matter to the police? Totally your choice but I think you should. I don't think you have destroyed anything, he has destroyed everything and has caused misery all around him. Well done on being so brave. Best of luck to you and vent here anytime you need to.
  4. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    Thank you guys for the replies.
    Rationally I know it's his fault, I just don't feel that way. I must have done something to provoke him. I just don't see how people can be like this.
    I haven't reported it, mainly because I know I wouldn't have much of a case. I didn't struggle or anything, I just let it happen, even though he knew I didn't want it. To be honest, I was so drunk there isn't much I could have done to stop it anyway.
    I don't think his girlfriend believes me, or even if she does, I don't think they've broken up or anything. He's denying everything and it's my word against his.
    :( I can't concentrate at work, or sleep. It's really getting to me.
    I have a GP appointment tomorrow to review my meds, so I will talk to him about finding a therapist. I'm not suitable for CBT apparently and they don't have any services in my area for rape/abuse counselling so I don't know how fruitful it will be asking to see a therapist.
    If this takes as long to deal with as it did last time (over 10 years), then I don't think I can cope with that!
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