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brreaking down again.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aeommai, Jun 24, 2008.

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  1. aeommai

    aeommai Active Member

    well, for about three days i was okay, but i broke down again and now im much much worse.
    I don't know anymore i'm always thinking about doing crazy crazy things and i want to i really want to because if i do then everyone can be happy and it'll never be awkward again i'll never have to worry about anything or worry about going crazy and doing something stupid to people i care about and i won't make anyone sad ever again.

    in fact, just today, i was walking down the street trying to smile and pretend like everything was okay, and this little girl, like 4-5 was riding on a bike and she was smiling away and then she looked at me and got all sad and angry like.

    it was saddening to me.

    i get that look way too much. and i'm dreaming about it now and my dreams are bad and i failed at least 3 of my exams and now what it's summer and i'll be working with my parents all day everyday forget trying to get out and do volunteering meet some new people turn life around i don't do that kind of thing because i don't have the time never enough time and there's so much more so much more really bad stuff but it's hard to talk about so i'll stop here for now.
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i happen to believe for you to act out will effect those others you're thinking won't. personally i hope you will take some more time and share more of what's on your heart and mind. maybe it will help make you feel better. it does the trick for me sometimes. anyways please pm if you'd like, and please take care
  3. ghosty11

    ghosty11 Guest

    Whatever Hawthorne Heights is epitome of life and death and cycle of humanity is nothing more than a pendulum on a cerebellum.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It is a shame you can't do volunteer work. I was always thinking working at a senior citizen home would be cool. You would hear some pretty good stories.
    I think you should tell your parents that you are struggling and need some help not to mention you need there support. You sound like you are really down. If you can't talk to them then go to your local hospital and ask if they have a mental health agent on duty? If not then ask for a reference? then go see her/him. You can't fight this alone! You have no coping skills that you need to fight off depression. A therapist can set you up with coping skills, and not to discount the positives in your life. It takes time and alot of work on your side of it.
    Try to stay positive, seek help, and possibly talk to your parents. Who knows they might fool you. Parents pick up on things. Yours might already know something is bothering you but are afraid to ask if they can help. Just a thought. I don't know you or your parents. I hope some of this has made sence to you...Good Luck...:chopper:
  5. janie

    janie Well-Known Member

    hey aeommai- I jsut saw this havnt been on for a while...

    how are you these days? hope things have settleed down?
  6. I understand time is tough to manage when you have a lot to get done. I am taking a summer class in school and working at the same time. Today i almost got chewed out by a teacher for not having a rough draft of a paper due saturday, i pa for class and get yelled at, i don't understand it. But i get anxiety and stessors over juggling time to get everything done, i barely meet deadlines. Try to lay out a plan on paper sometimes, it helps me sometimes. Seeing things on paper puts them in perspective a little. Or atleast gives scope to time frames and what you can change or allocate time for. I hope this helps because i deal with the same problems you have. I need to deal with being more constructive when i have the time though and not get sidelined by lack of energy or overwhelmed by stress to the point i can't work on my school work.
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