Brutally honest vs. insulting

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Mar 19, 2016.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I have a friend who can be a bit harsh with his opinions. I was feeling particularly down one day, and he basically said I was being stupid and doing things for attention. He thinks he helped me, well I am just afraid to tell him my true feelings, which I mostly talk about here. He has made other "jokes" at my expense, and I have seen him basically follow people around to insult them if he doesn't agree with them (we know each other from another site). He doesn't want me to tolerate anyone treating me badly, but it seems fine to him when he does it. I wonder if he even sees it that way, or maybe I am just being overly sensitive. So, how do you deal with people who are brutally honest and how do you know if they are saying things to help you, for your own good, or just hurting you and cutting you down?
     
  2. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Well, I had a friend once who claimed he was just being "brutally honest." It's really easy to mask "venting your anger and frustration" with the term "brutal honesty." Really, being brutally honest basically means being honest, yet insensitive. It's possible to be straightforward with someone while successfully taking their feelings into consideration. Therefore, to be brutally honest is to be immoderately honest, making little or no effort to filter what may be insulting--it's abuse. People who would claim to be brutally honest either don't know what they're talking about, subtly betray people's trust, or blatantly abuse others. Now, this isn't exactly why I'm no longer friends with said person, but it's a significant factor. I don't intend to antagonize you; I'm just passionately expressing my input.
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I always suck at dealing with these situations... but I think you should tell him how you feel about the things he says to you, you owe yourself that respect, hun *hugs* I suspect he doesn't realize he's being hurtful, if he's a good friend he'd want to know!
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I agree with both of you. I can be honest without being insulting. Sometimes you can really just hurt peoples' feelings by being too harsh. I would talk to him, but it seems like he is ignoring me, so it all seems a bit childish. Maybe I will just leave him alone if that's what he wants.
     
  5. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    Also, I agree with @ThePhantomLady . It's safer to assume that your friend just isn't aware of how insulting he's being. If he's someone that takes responsibility for his actions, I'd just confront him when you're ready, and I suppose whenever he's ready as well. I'd confront him regardless of how he'd respond.
     
    Witty_Sarcasm likes this.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.