Now I consider myself a kind person, always doing much more than what is expected of me, in order to keep the people I love, happy. But sometimes it's like I completely lose control and end up saying the most hurtful things possible to them. It's like I have these little explosions, and in them I manage to do and say the worst things possible to the people I actually care about. Tbh in the heat of the moment, I can be downright cruel to people. It doesn't take more than I few seconds before I realise what I've done, but the damage is usually already done by then. Now I'm not talking about small, normal outbursts that people sometimes have when being unfairly treated. It's like it just bubbles over for me, and I end up taking it out on completely innocent people. This is really becoming a problem and it is keeping me from maintaining relationships with other people. I suppose what I want to know is if this ever happens to anyone else? [Oh and I wasn't quite sure where to post this, so I just posted it here.]
Sounds like you're carrying a lot of suppressed anger around. I used to be the most placid person on the planet and then suddenly BANG WORLD WAR THREE !! it could be over the most stupid insignificant thing, I'd feel this red hot feeling rush over me and I'd actually attack to kill. Happily it only happened about 3 times in my life before I had psychotherapy, in therapy I began to realise I was white hot with rage that I kept bottled and hidden even from myself. Now if I feel any anger or annoyance I say it before it becomes an issue, doesn't always make me popular...my family and friends think I'm a tad too fiesty, but I have found doing this stops the mega fall outs that used to occur when I bottled up my feelings. Hope this helps.
