Buckets of Awesome-Sauce?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by muv_ur_dolly, Apr 11, 2011.

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  1. muv_ur_dolly

    muv_ur_dolly Member

    No, not really. But that saying is stuck in my head. Though, I wish I had a bucket of awesome-sauce.

    But really...

    Has anyone ever noticed that once your suicidal - it never 'actually' goes away? I mean you may be happy for a few months max but the feeling comes back.

    Every little thing will have you saying "this shitty thing that happened must mean it's time to die!" - and continues in that horrible a superfluous circle.

    I'm so sick of it, I feel like freaking killing myself to stop feeling freaking suicidal. It's literaly driving me more insane.

    It's been almost 6 freaking years now, all the freaking doctors don't care - family and boyfriend are sick of it and want me to STFU about it because they can't stand it. && even with this I can't even do it - How much more can someone take - rather, why would someone take this. Life isn't that beautiful anyway.
  2. Ritsu

    Ritsu Well-Known Member

    I will not try to stop you I will not try to say reasons why you should not I will simply ask you to first really consider your reasons I have thats why I have made my choice I would like you to answer a question the question is red pill ((Fight for life because you have something you wish to fight for)) or blue pill ((lay down and give up))
  3. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Yes. The thoughts just jump up on you at the most inexplicable times. Driving home from work, the day was alright, sun is shining, suddenly I think "I hope that oncoming car crosses over into my lane and hits me". Goddamnit what the hell!? You think you're doing okay. You think maybe you can go on for another month or another year, then something like that pops into your head and sets you back to thinking maybe you can manage 12 more hours.

    I... I think I need to go see someone. I've traditionally refused professional help or medication. Why? because I'm a 'normal', 'stable', responsible person who doesn't need any of that. I lie to myself and I lie to my family.

    sorry. something about this point you brought up hit me.
  4. muv_ur_dolly

    muv_ur_dolly Member

    Sorry harrachos, I didn't mean to trigger you. I'm so sorry!

    Take care and stay safe
  5. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    It's okay. Realizing I need outside help is hardly a bad thing. It hadn't occured to me until now how frequently that sort of thought process goes through my head even when I think, or I tell myself, I'm happy.

    No need to apologize. And... thank you. :console:
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    sounds like you helped rather than hurt him.

    life can be beautiful and it can also be horrible.

    I don't think it's the case that once you are suicidal that it never goes away. For some people, the feeling may never go away, and things don't get better. For other people, I think that things can get much better and they stop being suicidal.

    I think if you don't have supportive people around you and you have a lot of stress, it can be hard to get better, and it sounds like that is what you've got now.

    good support, low stress environment, good coping skills, good medical treatment and therapy and you could probably get a lot better. hard to actually get those things though often times
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