Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Terry, Aug 14, 2011.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    :sad:So, spent the weekend at mum's she had a great time.
    I get home this evening, ring her to tell her I'm home safe and she bursts into tears. :sigh:

    Upshot is, she's miserable cos I've gone home and she's on her own again.

    Told her Mole is planning a barbecue weekend before the summer ends so she will come to me and spend the weekend when he gets his arse in gear.
    She cheers up, then starts sobbing again.

    I know she wants us to all live together and I so don't want to :sad:
    Feel like a selfish bastard tbh...but oh God I SO DONT WANT TO!
    Hate hearing her cry....wtf do I do :sad:
  2. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Stick to what you think is best. If you don't want to live with her then don't. Stick to what you want to do. just because shes upset doesn't mean that it should change anything. xxx
  3. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    I know it must be a difficult situation for you to be in, but you need to do what is best for you. It doesn't make you selfish hon, it makes you sensible. If she moved in with you, it would have a negative impact on you, make you ill, and then you wouldn't be able to help her anyway. Is there any way you can sit down with her and gently explain to her why you think it's for the best that everyone stays where they are? Please try to remember you are not in the wrong, you are not doing anything wrong, and your mother is lucky to have you. I'm sorry I don't have any better advice, but I hope it's helped a little bit. :hug:
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Awwww Terry. I can imagine how lonely she must get hun but sometimes you gotta put number 1 first hun. My nan is going something similar with my great nan and she does enough running around for her at the moment and just doesn't want the pressure of living with her. You musn't feel selfish hun because you are not :hug:
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Please pardon the intrusion, Terry :hug:, but I thought I'd just pop in here and give a big thumbs up to what the three posters above said! :thumbup:
  6. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Bless, Terry. Difficult situation. Can you get her a companion, someone who comes in a couple an hours a day, to help out and keep her company.

    You have to do whats best for you, ultimately.

    So sorry this is happening.

  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I've just thought Terry. I don't know if they still do it, but I think it was the Red Cross who used to do morning coffee with people. Like a volunteer would go round peoples houses to keep them company and have a chat with them when they got lonely. Might be worth looking into for your mum.
  8. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    That's the thing tho Lexi, she's fully mobile, goes on the free village bus to all sorts of places twice a week, with the other villagers.
    My aunt takes her shopping every friday and sometimes lunch on Sundays.
    The rest of the time she sees me, but its never enough.
    She just doesnt like living alone.

    I understand it, she left home on her wedding day, then married to me dad for 56 years, she has never lived alone.
    But her and Mole together are a nightmare.
    They are so alike they gang up on me, I wont have a minute to myself which will drive me insane and she'll nag about housework all the time.
    I can't be what she wants to me to be and she wont change to suit me, so its going to be horrible, but she's sobbing her heart out and I feel a complete git!

    told my aunt I didnt want to live with her (me mum) and she agreed it would be terrible, only thing I could do is ask the housing dept to move one of us so we're closer.
  9. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Oh Terry. You must not feel guilty, or feel like a complete git because you are not. It is a lot of pressure, stick to your guns hun. :hug:
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    A practical suggestion: Because she is mobile, get her as involved as possible in things that are close to her. You might have to put in some time to put this into action, but as she becomes more involved, you can back away. (Who knows, she might meet new friends and discover things she didn't know she likes to do. :) )
  11. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Tried that already Acy, thats why she now goes out on the village jaunts.
    Maybe its because she's been a bit unwell lately and I know she's worrying that its something serious.
    She'll pick away at me till she gets her own way, she always does.
    Ah well if I'm on a murder charge you'll know why :laugh:
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You cannot forsake your well being for her...she dealing with her lonliness is her problem (I know she is your mother, but she also has choices that she must afford herself)...as it was said, are there any ppl she can connect with or organizations she can be involved in? Here we have adult day care and such which provides theraputic and social services...they also provide transportation, if necessary...does she have a social worker involved? is there anything your aunt can advise for her to do? Maybe she being more involved in the planning would help (e.g mom, what would you like to do?)...she has the right to not do anything, but you have the right to protect yourself...it is such a difficult situation, but please know, you must do what is best for you...much caring, J
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